I haven't been on in awhile. For reasons I'll state later. Like back in the beginning of the year someoene told pdoc that there were many of us. I don't know his initial response but the journal says "Pdoc doesn't believe in DID". We also told therapist at the time. Therapist says "It's ego states".

We were diagnosed with DID in 07' by a doctor, but we didn't believe it and I don't really know what the general response to being diagnosed was, because we were inpatient and did not journal at the time. New parts find out about it, all the time. It's a great cause for worry for each new part. So I went away and shut up and said nothing. I usually do this when doctors are told and they deny it.

In the journal I start saying things like "you were just delusional, you do not have DID". Some parts deny and hide us.

In August then I was inpatient, with a new doctor and I felt safe with him. I tell him that their is many of us. He says "I know what you're talking about, but lets not talk about it anymore". So I shut up again. Again. I was just delusional and my voices were from schizophrenia.
I even convince myself I am paranoid, but everything I am paranoid of is truth.

Meanwhile I start with a new therapist and I start to feel safe with her. I tell her about us. She says my score on some dissociative test is massively high and at DID level. Finally she takes me seriously. So now everyone wants to talk at the same time in therapy. She is a specialist for trauma. And we jump too much and at the end I'm so exhausted I can barely move. I just want to sleep.

She calls my team (caseworkers, old therapist, psych nurse, and pdoc) to tell them that she suspects a case of DID. I didn't know she was doing this and some of us got really upset over it, because they didn't believe me, why would they believe her. We're not freaks.

I saw my psychiatrist on Tuesday and he said nothing about knowing. Nothing. So I can only assume that knowing about Tuesday and my journal entry from March is that he doesn't believe in DID.

I know people will say "get a new psychiatrist". But I can't. Seriously, I can't, I am stuck with him. It's a long story, but I have no other options due to restraints with insurance. But he's treating me for schizoaffective and 14 other previous diagnosis and the medication doesn't take the voices away.

What am I supposed to do? I don't care if Ex therapist doesn't believe it. He doesn't have to treat me anymore. But Pdoc does and before I just let him treat me for whatever, because I didn't want to fight. I'm not a fighter.

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by LydiaB

I haven't been on in awhile. For reasons I'll state later. Like back in the beginning of the year someoene told pdoc that there were many of us. I don't know his initial response but the journal says "Pdoc doesn't believe in DID". We also told therapist at the time. Therapist says "It's ego states".

We were diagnosed with DID in 07' by a doctor, but we didn't believe it and I don't really know what the general response to being diagnosed was, because we were inpatient and did not journal at the time. New parts find out about it, all the time. It's a great cause for worry for each new part. So I went away and shut up and said nothing. I usually do this when doctors are told and they deny it.

In the journal I start saying things like "you were just delusional, you do not have DID". Some parts deny and hide us.

In August then I was inpatient, with a new doctor and I felt safe with him. I tell him that their is many of us. He says "I know what you're talking about, but lets not talk about it anymore". So I shut up again. Again. I was just delusional and my voices were from schizophrenia.
I even convince myself I am paranoid, but everything I am paranoid of is truth.

Meanwhile I start with a new therapist and I start to feel safe with her. I tell her about us. She says my score on some dissociative test is massively high and at DID level. Finally she takes me seriously. So now everyone wants to talk at the same time in therapy. She is a specialist for trauma. And we jump too much and at the end I'm so exhausted I can barely move. I just want to sleep.

She calls my team (caseworkers, old therapist, psych nurse, and pdoc) to tell them that she suspects a case of DID. I didn't know she was doing this and some of us got really upset over it, because they didn't believe me, why would they believe her. We're not freaks.

I saw my psychiatrist on Tuesday and he said nothing about knowing. Nothing. So I can only assume that knowing about Tuesday and my journal entry from March is that he doesn't believe in DID.

I know people will say "get a new psychiatrist". But I can't. Seriously, I can't, I am stuck with him. It's a long story, but I have no other options due to restraints with insurance. But he's treating me for schizoaffective and 14 other previous diagnosis and the medication doesn't take the voices away.

What am I supposed to do? I don't care if Ex therapist doesn't believe it. He doesn't have to treat me anymore. But Pdoc does and before I just let him treat me for whatever, because I didn't want to fight. I'm not a fighter.

Lydia I have a suggestion that helps alot of people who are bouncing back and forth with denying their diagnosis (any diagnosis) and having treatment providers that may or may not believe the client has the diagnosis they state they have -

it does not matter what its called - PTSD, Depression, anxiety, panic attacks, ego states, alters parts you name it. the labels dont matter at all.

what does matter is you and your symptoms and problems. the disorders are going to be taken care of by taking care of the symptoms.

you have voices ... dont worry about trying to get through to all these treatment providers what the voices names are and that they belong because of the DID..

deal directly with the issue of having voices.. try the meds if one medication wont work try another and another. keep trying things your treatment providers want you to try. at some point there will be a day when something clicks.. it may be this or that medication helped you with your anxiety or other symptoms which in turn may slow the voices down.

its true medication wont take away voices, alters, parts ego states. but the medication "can" help with the underlying cause (the trigger) that is making those voices get loud and upset.

example one day I was hiking and suddenly all the voices in my head started clammering. for weeks my therapist and I tried all the DID treatment for things like this.. grounding, relaxing you name it I tried it. one night I was out of town so ended up seeing someone in the towns ER. all I wanted was someone to tell me how to get these voices to shut up so I could get some sleep. the hospital er called the psychiatrist on call. he prescribed prozac. I tried to tell him antidepressants were not going to work antipsychotics are not going to work I have DID. finally I swore and said fine Ill take them but Im telling you they wont work. by the second dose the voices were calm. it turned out that during my hike I had seen something that didnt register on the conscious level but did on the inside /unconscious level. and my body was reacting with stress, and anxiety because of what I saw. by taking the prozac it calmed my body reactions of stress and anxiety that due to my being a dissociative I did not realize I was having. once my stress and anxiety levels were under control the voices calmed down to where they were able to tell my therapist what we needed in order to feel safe again.

I could have fought the doctors, diagnosies, and medications for ever and keep myself in total misery, stress and anxiety or I could say ok the labels dont matter, what matters is the symptoms and problems. once I looked at it from that point of view things got better for me.

occasionally I still come across those treatment providers that dont believe me or my clients have this that or the other thing but I and my clients dont bother trying to fight with them. that only causes us more stress and anxiety.

medication cant take away DID, alters and voices but it can help relax, calm and get things back to a controllable level for you.

I know its hard having treatment providers bouncing you around with this diagnosis or that one but honestly the labels dont matter you do. try taking care of the symptoms and leaving the labels behind. it really does help and really does get things done.

[SophiaG]

Why don't you talk to your therapist about how your psychiatrist is treating you?

[kasva]

i dont have the answers but i wanted to say ive been through pdocs not believing in did. its so hard to not have did believed.(((((LydiaB)))).....kasva

Amandalouise-

It's not the "label" I'm looking for. I'm moreso looking to be understood. He's my psychiatrist, he is treating me and he's denying in total that this stuff exists for me. I'm not interested in him knowing all parts of me, or understanding all parts of me. I don't care about labels, that's why I didn't bother to name all the other illnesses I've been diagnosed with. Because who cares? I don't.

It's not the label. It's the difference between treating illness A and treating Illness B. Basically he's treating a schizophrenia-type diagnosis. So he's going to keep upping my anti psychotics till the voices go away. But they'll never go away. It requires a much smaller dose for the anxiety under the dissociation. Currently I sleep around 16 hours a day, due to my current medication regime. I am on so many medications. I like the mood stabilizer, it works well. I'm okay with smaller doses of anti psychotics. But I'm currently on a mood stabilizer, two high dose anti psychotics, Valium, and Effexor and my psychiatrist HATES using drugs. Most of the other clients are on 1 or 2 medications( we all know each other). He's looking for the success of someone with schizophrenia, in a patient with DID. It makes no sense. Therapy/psych drugs helps DID not just massive amounts of psychiatric drugs.

And it's not just that, but I want to be understood. It's not fun being called a liar. For anything. Whether it be something small, or something that effects your entire life. It doesn't feel good to be misunderstood in any spectrum of life. It's not the label. It's what happens under the label. I've been with this team for going on four years, I think I deserve to have them understood what's gone on in these four years.

Sanguinaire -

SophiaG- She knows he doesn't believe me, or any of it. But what can she do? Force him to believe it?

kasva- thank you kasva I am glad somebody understands... it makes me feel warm.

[likewater]

Im sooo glad i read your thread. I have ego states and dissociation too and am on mood stabilizers. Then when i read threads from people with DID things sound so familiar. I'm sorry it is so difficult to be misunderstood and disrespected and talked down to.

[firesky]

Hello, please let me introduce my self, I am a woman who has struggled with complex PTSD and is no stranger to dissociated self states. For many years I made no progress with doctors who thought my illness was inherently organic, like schizoaffective and wished to medicate (antipsychotics and SSRI's) thus and saw little use in psychotherapy, ie, talking about the meaning of the inner voices, dreams, and subconcious material or the memories of past abuse . I was filled with unspoken rage and frustration. Until, I took control of my own healing. I studied every aspect of trauma and dissociation and learnt what my doctors did not. I discovered that DID and disscociative disorders are a big political battlefield in the psychiatric field and the issue of abuse a bigger one in the whole of society. at the bottom of it is money, insurance money and the fact that Pdocs work mainly in pharmacuticles now, so they have no investment in therapy other than short term, shallow behavioural ones like CBT or cheap "mindfulness" band aids. I was so frustrated with the half assed treatment, I was about to just throw up my hands and be done with all doctors rather than be constantly facing invalidation. I have changed my doctors. It matters little to me if a doctor belives or not, if they are only providing me with meds, they have nothing else to offer. My real work was done with psychodymamic and analytical psychotherapy, with a Pdoc (one of the last of a dying breed who still provides this). I no longer need to take any meds and never hope to again, although I take councelling now and then. Please take charge of your healing, find out and research what you know, from good educational sources.

[Elysium]

I could say that your Psychiatrist doesn't exist....that wouldn't make the statement truth.

There are some politics surrounding the diagnosis of DID unfortunately...and too many mental health practitioners are still invalidating their patients by minimizing their symptoms, and/or denying they exist. That doesn't mean it is true though.

When I was first diagnosed with DID, I was diagnosed by a PsyDoc who specialized in trauma and dissociation. I was told by my T, at that time, that this Doc was the best in the Metropolitan area. After I was diagnosed, my T changed her tune....she said she thought I should get a second opinion because she felt I was "owning" the diagnosis too much. I did get a second opinion, by yet another trauma specialist who backed the PsyDocs diagnosis. I finally got mad at my old T and told her that I didn't care what she wanted to call it...that she could call it "Pizza" for all I cared, that whatever she wanted to call it wouldn't change the fact that I was having the symptoms I was having. A label wouldn't change the fact that I had others within who were then beginning to communicate with me. When I said that, she sat back, took a deep breath and said "You're right." She never denied the diagnosis again and went on to support me in working with a new T who specialized in dissociative disorders.

I hope you listen to your internal truth, whatever it may be...and that you don't let someone else try and tell you who you are or are not.

[unaluna]

Originally Posted by amandalouise

he prescribed prozac. I tried to tell him antidepressants were not going to work antipsychotics are not going to work I have DID. finally I swore and said fine Ill take them but Im telling you they wont work. by the second dose the voices were calm.

AL, I understand the principle that the converse is not necessarily true, but that was my experience of my first taking prozac - the voices in my head stopped (after my 3rd 10 mg dose one afternoon). My pdoc said simply, impossible, it doesn't work that fast. But it really was like turning off a faucet - for the first time in my life. I'm not sure exactly what it means for me, but thank you for sharing this.

[Jewels]

My pdoc had a difficult time listening to me about my DID as well...she diagnosed me with I think 8 or 9 different things until my therapist wrote her back and told her he KNEW I was DID and was treating me for it, and my case manager also told her that I had DID. So now she is treating me for that. I am on just a mood stabilizer, something to help me sleep at night, and Xanax for the anxiety I have associated with the DID. But the diagnosis isn't what should be the main concern here. The treatment you should be getting will probably never take the voices away, however, it will help the mood if you are on a mood stabilizer, but we have found for our own system the anti-psychotics don't work, and actually make things worse. So approach your pdoc on the offensive stance, and tell him the ap's aren't helping and you need a mood stabilizer, and perhaps Xanax instead of the anti anxiety med you are on now. You don't have to try to convince him you are DID. If he doesn't believe you that is HIS problem not yours. Just be proactive and in a nice way go and say this is what others who have DID have suggested you to try. If he still doesn't listen, get your T in on the conversation, asking her to talk to your pdoc for you. It just takes time and a little proactive work on your part. Don't give up, just try a little more assertiveness when you speak next with your pdoc. I hope all goes well for you, and have a good weekend.

Jewels

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by hankster

AL, I understand the principle that the converse is not necessarily true, but that was my experience of my first taking prozac - the voices in my head stopped (after my 3rd 10 mg dose one afternoon). My pdoc said simply, impossible, it doesn't work that fast. But it really was like turning off a faucet - for the first time in my life. I'm not sure exactly what it means for me, but thank you for sharing this.

thanks for your input. I wish all my voices worked the way your did. unfortunately I get two different kinds of voices, those from my dissociative disorder and those from my bipolar disorder. the voices I was speaking about in this thread was the dissociative voices. they help the voices I have when Im having a psychotic episode with my bipolar but do nothing with my dissociative disordered kind of voices. whether the meds work fast or slow depends upon each persons own metabolism and reactions. with me with some medications I see and feel positive and negative results a few hours after the first dosage and other medications it can take up to 8 weeks before I see or feel any positive and negative results.

thank you all for your input. I have just kind of been taking it slow with the Pdoc... the therapist told my team and I haven't the slightest clue on his opinion of it since then.

[Morgana]

Hey. Don't really have words but did want to say that I know that must be really frustrating. And confusing not to know his opinion on it.