[January]

A couple weeks ago, something just terrible happened to me. I am still suffering the emotional ramifications from it, but to my shock, I found out I went to see my counselor and talked to her and went to WalMart and bought things and I don't even remember doing it. My pdoc said I was in deep disassociation. Well, it scared me even sillier than I am. I don't like this. I know you, dear friends, have to put up with this on a daily basis and while I have every empathy for you, I don't know how you do it.

Terrified,

Jan

PS. I hope this post doesn't make you lose faith in me. I feel so close to you....

[Monty_girl]

((((((((((((((((((( Jan )))))))))))))))))))))

Think the first thing you have to remember is don't get down on yourself for dissociating. Have to remember that stress and emotional upset is the biggest trigger for dissociating. I'm sorry it happened and no one is going to lose faith in you. Just have to breath and say I'm OK.

When I've had major dissociations, I've had to say I'm physically Ok. If I think about it to much and get myself to worked up about it happening I get to stressed out. Which for me is a big trigger to dissociate again. Is like a cycle for me. I have to stop the cycle from snowballing. I just kind of go with the flow now and I don't dissociate as much as I used to. I just have to watch my stress level.

Sorry it happened, it is one of the most terrifing things to go through.

Much Hugs,
Monty

[January]

(((((((((((((((((( Monty )))))))))))))))))))))

Thank you so very much. I was afraid to post about it. I didn't know if it would make it better or worse or if you guys would lose faith in me.....

Sadly,

Jan

[kimmydawn]

((((((((((((((((((jan)))))))))))))))))))))))

dissociation is a response to trauma...even for the "average" person if the level of fear/stress from the trauma is high enough.

i'm so sorry that yours was.

know that you're understood and loved.

KD

[silver_queen]

(((((((((((((((( Jan )))))))))))))))))

Losing time and finding you've done stuff that you didn't know you'd done is scary... I've had it myself at times . It just so upsets your sense of reality, and I know that for me, it makes me feel like I'm going crazy and I begin to doubt everything that I've done. Maybe I'm generalising on this, but I suppose many ppl find that experiencing dissociation is un-nerving and scary. Nobody, dear Jan, will think the worse of you for posting this.

I don't find the actual act of dissociating scary, I welcome the floaty far away from the problems feeling.

But yea finding things I don't remember buying or having people tell me I did things that I can't remember is a little scarey, but its more like a passing thought of ok here we go again she says I ...... whatever.

I have been that way all my life so for me its just another day - normal.

The scarey part for me was my starting out to go someplace and then suddenly I'd be somewhere else for example one evening I biked to a support group and on the way home it was dark. I remember unlocking my bike. And I remember getting on my bike. The next thing I know I am standing with my bike in a no lights parking lot. I ended up calling a friend on my cell who recognized where I was and she was able to talk me back onto the street that I was supposed to be on that would connect with her place. The next day I biked that route and now any time I have to be out at night I use a physicians building, a playground, another friends house and a school as landmarks.

Ive been lost before many times and I know that I always get home either by way of a friend or while in memory pieces so I don't really get scared over getting lost. That night it was the dark that scared me.

Dissociating is so normal for me thatt I dont get scared about it and didn't until I was told I may have Multiple Personality Disorder and then watched the movie Sybil. Then I was afraid. I didn't know then that some of the stuff in that movie was added for dramaitcs and so on. My being diagnosed also came after my being hospitalized so I was also afraid that if anyone found out I was a sybil then they would lock me up again.

but then years later one of my therapists explained to me I wasn't possessed or had real live people living inside me, that DID was my acting on memories that I can't remember, and just knowing the footlong label doesnt change the fact that I have had this all my life Having the label doesnt make me more crazy and so on. its just there so I get the right treatment plans. Then I was ok and back to "ok I do things I cant remember... whatever" attitude.

I think it is harder on my friends that have an isolated dissociative eppisode - never dissociating beyond the nornal spaceyness and no memory pieces (alters) of the lower 5 on the scale and then suddenly experiencing trauma in their present life. They know what happened isn't normal so it causes them more stress and fear.

(((((Jan))))
It's ok, you're ok!! My T says that dissociation happens to the best of us...her included at least once in her life...I think you are really brave and very dependable because you can share something like this with us.
Thanks for that.
Hugs

[January]

Dear Friends,

Thank you so much for writing back to me. You all have made me feel better about being afraid and about being "discombobulated" by it all. Thank you, everyone.

Hugs,

Jan

[Fuzzybear]

(((((((((((( Jan ))))))))))))

[mlyn]

Yep, so understand. I have hair apointment come monday and I have no clue where (eyes rolling). It is written on chalkboard but no clue.
You are deffinately not alone.
mlyn

[January]

Thank you all so much. This stuff is confusing! I've been sleeping a lot to try to pass the time without losing what little bit of mind I have.

Hugs,

Jan

[SongBirdandDaisy]

Like everyone else, I can understand and would never lose faith in you. It does take a lot of TRUST to post here (my T had tears in his eyes when I was finally able to try this). I look at this as we are all in this together - not just the memory pieces but all of US. If we can survive and grow by being here, then say whatever it is you have to say. We need to support each other - like everyone already does. I have learned, accepted things easier because of all of you. Thank you all I am also here for yous, even if it's just to send a smile. Safe hugs.

[January]

Thank you so much, Iam, and again, each and every one of you.

Love and hugs,

Jan

[Rhapsody]

Dear January - please hang in there, YOU can do it and get through each and every DID episode as they come about....
About eight years ago I had around 12 different alters (male & female - old and young). Now I am down to 2 people - they are both are so closely related to each other that even I cannot tell then apart at times.... but never the less I am me and she is a broken part of me - but together we survive, love and exist in this world - as to make the next day a brighter place to live and to hold onto another day another chance to be made whole.

((((((( HUGS ))))))) ~ (((((((( KISSES )))))))

LoVe,
Rhapsody -