I don't know why, but I can feel "denial" coming forward. I can't stand Denial, he gets us in sticky situations and tries to hide everything he possibly can. Which just keeps us completely standing still. He starts telling people "O I was just delusional, I don't have DID" or "I was wrong, it never existed". And no matter how much you try and convince him otherwise, he doesn't believe you. He'll tell people the abuse never took place. He'll call us liars.

I don't know if denial really just doesn't know, or whether denial is just, well, in denial or maybe even if denial is just covering up things that he knows about. I don't know. Denial creates so much turmoil in our head. He's constantly arguing with us. He never shuts up. I am afraid that denial will take completely over and it will cause another back step in our recovery.

Has anyone ever successfully stopped this from happening? Denial stops coming to the boards, sometimes he'll write in the schizophrenia boards, because he believes that our symptoms come from schizophrenia, not childhood abuse. He'll read what I'm writing here and he'll come up with some excuse. Some blatantly stupid excuse and before you can convince him that it's true, he'll be replaced with someone who can handle the truth.

I think I feel him waning a small bit since writing this. But is there any other things anyone has done to get rid of the denial alter? (If you have them??) (Okay maybe not get rid of, although that would be ideal, but to "tame")

I think the hardest part is that denial is very stubborn. He never lets us move forward with our recovery. I mean people get so confused when I'm like "I was abused". "No I wasn't, it's just made up stories". He told our psychiatrist that one day. That we made it all up, that we were just whiney babies. What is psychiatrist supposed to do, not believe him??

[blossommayflower27]

well we have tried to type this very different ways and we all keep arguing with one another...so i am taking over...hey there the name is cammie...and i am here to tell you that there is a rather big part of melissa, my host, that refuses to even acknowledge any of it...whether it be the abuse, or having the diagnosis of DID...well all i can say is what is working for her is talking about her alters and how much we are in her life...if that makes sense...i know at times melissa tends to get really confused rather quickly so if you do just let us know...it really sounds like not all of you have accepted that part of you or what happened...or the other which has happened to us in different ways by different people...that someone has denied you either that diagnosis...or worse someone else has denied any or part of your abuse happened...which is very very painful...I KNOW THAT ONE!!!Sorry i am still hurt by this and those who have did me like that...but anyway...if you have a T my suggestion is to work it out with them...and your PDoc too...unless they are the ones that denying you this diagnosis...well i think i am just rambling on and on...so i will send out safe hugs and send lots of positive thoughts your way...we really hope that this helps you...and sorry if it didn't but in many ways...we really can relate...

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by LydiaB

I don't know why, but I can feel "denial" coming forward. I can't stand Denial, he gets us in sticky situations and tries to hide everything he possibly can. Which just keeps us completely standing still. He starts telling people "O I was just delusional, I don't have DID" or "I was wrong, it never existed". And no matter how much you try and convince him otherwise, he doesn't believe you. He'll tell people the abuse never took place. He'll call us liars.

I don't know if denial really just doesn't know, or whether denial is just, well, in denial or maybe even if denial is just covering up things that he knows about. I don't know. Denial creates so much turmoil in our head. He's constantly arguing with us. He never shuts up. I am afraid that denial will take completely over and it will cause another back step in our recovery.

Has anyone ever successfully stopped this from happening? Denial stops coming to the boards, sometimes he'll write in the schizophrenia boards, because he believes that our symptoms come from schizophrenia, not childhood abuse. He'll read what I'm writing here and he'll come up with some excuse. Some blatantly stupid excuse and before you can convince him that it's true, he'll be replaced with someone who can handle the truth.

I think I feel him waning a small bit since writing this. But is there any other things anyone has done to get rid of the denial alter? (If you have them??) (Okay maybe not get rid of, although that would be ideal, but to "tame")

I think the hardest part is that denial is very stubborn. He never lets us move forward with our recovery. I mean people get so confused when I'm like "I was abused". "No I wasn't, it's just made up stories". He told our psychiatrist that one day. That we made it all up, that we were just whiney babies. What is psychiatrist supposed to do, not believe him??

am I getting this right that this Part / alter / insider is named "Denial", and you feel this part coming forwards?

if Im reading you right to me it sounds like this part is just doing its purpose/job for which it was created for.

for me there was no getting through to the alters that they had to stop what ever their job /purpose was. I could not control them nor prevent them from doing what their purpose / job was in the system. My alters continued to do what they were there in my system to do until they were no longer needed to do that job or that job / purpose became obsolete meaning it wasnt needed anymore due to my abilities to handle things on my own. once that happened each of the alters integrated with me.

my suggestion is maybe you can talk with your treatment providers, they know you and your system best so they would be able to help you talk with this other part of you and explain how things are different now. explain to this part how and why there in no longer a need to hide the disorder from outsiders.. unless of course there is still a reason to hide your disorders from those outside you and your system, which may be the answer to why this alter persists on doing their job of denying everything to protect you all. in any event letting your treatment providers know this is a concern may head off any future problems this part of you may cause.

AmandaLouise -unless of course there is still a reason to hide your disorders from those outside you and your system, which may be the answer to why this alter persists on doing their job of denying everything to protect you all.

Cammie- that someone has denied you either that diagnosis...or worse someone else has denied any or part of your abuse happened...

Yea that makes sense. I don't really feel safe revealing it to anyone. Back in March someone told my pdoc about us, he told us DID didn't exist. (we had been diagnosed prior, but we covered up medical records for years). Although I don't remember the conversation, I just read it in my journal, so someone could have been being dramatic. Recently we (and the therapist) retold him and he said he couldn't rule it out. But I still feel the need to cover it up for him. Or that I'm just taking it very slowly. He comes with an entire team that I don't want to freak out. Nurses, caseworkers, my old therapist, who told me it just wasn't possible for my to have DID, when I told him back in March. I think he was upset he spent 3 years working and responding to many, and never realized it. He has a lot of issues.

Basically I talk about it openly with my current therapist. I refuse to tell my family. My family isn't incredibly close and half of them call me crazy to begin with. I have one friend who knows. I could probably tell my one brother, but he would naively tell the entire family, which would land me back to being crazy. And I've worked hard to get rid of that stigma.

But this makes it even harder that people don't believe me. Or don't believe in DID period, because when that alter strikes nobody knows what's going on. They're like "is she really just delusional". Nobody around me, aside from my therapist has any knowledge on the disorder.

What makes it harder is that my team dealt with a girl, who appeared to have DID. I was questioning my DID, because she was like the movie Sybil, 24/7. Nothing tried to cover it. She would freak out, wriggle on the floor, start talking in deep voices and tell everybody she had multiple personality. I was nothing like that, so it was a main contributor to why I covered up medical records for years, because I figured that's what DID was like and I wasn't like that. Well it turned out she didn't have it. She had severe borderline and used the multiple personalities for attention. So now my team is extra cautious in believing DID. Which I understand. I would be too.

Yea, it's the pdoc. I thought someone was just being dramatic back in March about his lack of support in treating Childhood sexual abuse, but they weren't. He really doesn't support it.

After being taken in an office with my entire team. I was so anxious I nearly passed out while walking there. It was sprang on me. He takes me in his office and he says

"What if you didn't recover the memories".

"What do you mean?"

"What if you didn't recover them".

"You mean just stayed like I am now?"

"Yes".

"But that's not working for me. I am always distressed. I am constantly suicidal".

"But it seems to be distressing you more to talk about them".

"It gets worse before it gets better, that's why I asked for what I did". ( at trauma specific inpatient to help keep me safe during the initial trauma work)

"Did you ever question if the memories weren't real?"

"You mean that they never happened?"

"yes"

"All the time, I think about that ALL the time".

"So how can you be sure they are real?"

"I don't know".

No wonder denial exists. I mean com'n? He obviously is my main hurdle in trying to recover. He wants me to get better, but he's constantly second guessing everything I tell him. STOP trying to look for what I'm not saying and listen to what I am.

I am so distressed right now that I am willing to use sick attention getting mechanisms, just to make people see how much pain I'm in. I haven't done that for years. That's not cool. Or okay. I should feel like I'm being heard, so I don't lean towards that sorts of stuff. (not that it's their fault, but I just know when I attention seek, it means I'm not being heard efficiently).