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#1
Dec 23, 2011, 09:01 PM
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first off.... i have this new headache in my temple that is sharp and stabbing for a mintute to five, but goes away after a moment, tho it keeps coming back.
Along with many other problems going... and cold turkeying quite a few meds... since lastnight... I'm dissociating in the sence like i just went into a horrible night mare and everything turned awful and everyone is hating me.. not really... but its almost like my mind gets this ... reasoning about it, and starts believing this is death.. and we died somewhere along the way... and its just are mind going on... this hasn't happened for years like this.. both other times... were the last time we lived here too... and it used to happen frequently when i was a little kid.. (to me this is the most scareyiest of all forms that i go through...) I feel like this is all like... a nightmare.. or dream... slight dissocation where i'm out of my body and questioning if its reality or a dream and such happen on occations... but on normal it doesn't get this bad.. then i'm fighting to keep control... it feels like i'm scattered everywhere in my brain, and i'm trying hard and despritely to hold it all together, and it keeps slipping out of my hands as i keep trying to stay grounded and keep trying to grab on to the pieces and hold on tight. It was getting there before we were taken off meds yesterday cold turkey. But... i was just noticing things were starting to get out of controll.... and i couldn't keep control... and i saw it becoming a problem... but then... i cant get therapy for it right now.. im too scared to mention it... I'm too scared what those i live with will do.. and this cold turkey-ing it didn't help one bit in that area of things.. now what little hold i had on things and was going to hold off until it was safe is now loose and i can't do anything.. I dont know what is safer now... i'm left trying to rethink my decision. but then i am in a constant fight to get my feeling real, and keep from feeling like i just sliped out of reality... that... has caused a big problem in me deciding on what is safer now.. but i've started thinking.. if this keeps up... and i can't get some firm grip on this thing... it'd be safer bringing it out into the open.. within... i know i have to be strong... i know i have to do what i must.. i got myself into this mess by coming back... and i'm left to get myself out...
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 anonymous12713, blossommayflower27
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#2
Dec 23, 2011, 10:22 PM
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 Lexi232
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#3
Dec 24, 2011, 12:48 AM
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(((Claritytoo)))
I hope you have a better time tonight than you did last night.. hmm.. I usually do a grounding like feeling and sensory and have automatically from a young age. but that tasting sensory i can't ever recall trying that before... I think I will try that. Thanks a bunch. Currently I'm starting to do better. but it's coming in and out super fast within massive waves that differ how up and how down just how much i'm everywhere. Yeah.. i'm withdrawling off of a lot of meds cold turkey since last night. and i've done some reading on 3 of the meds so far and each one is pretty bad, one worst than a street drug. i wont mention its name incase it's scares anyone. But ... yeah..it seems it is the abrut stop in the meds all at once have seemed to be the cause of this and much more... I have a T. But ... I think she's on break until a day before I see her next, and shes not a private T so i dont have anything but an office number. Though i did send an email with the link to my blog post about my appointment that i had with the psych nurse yesterday that i was getting in to see.
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#4
Dec 24, 2011, 01:39 AM
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((((((((*LEXI232*))))))))  we know and are experiencing similar things...we understand what it is you are going through...we want you to know none of you are ever alone...becuase...well we feel so hurt for you right now...we really dunno how to make this feeling of despair...as some of us call it...go away...we dont like others feeling the way we do...and we really feel of the upmost importance to say to you all...thank you for reaching out and saying what is going on...although...we arent able to physically be there...we can definitely be here for you in another way...not sure where he was going with that...but ok...anyway...we wanna make sure that you are able to get help if need be...it is really hurting my little ones and they are wanting to cry for you right now...but the one of the big ones dont want them too...ya know what i mean???we want to but he dont want to...i dunno much else to say to help you to understand that we care...and that we understand what you all are going through...so before we make things any worse than what they are we will be quiet...and send lots and lots of ((((((((*HUGS*)))))))) your way!!! mew...try to talk to abby a little she will listen...just please know that you are very loved...and we all care for you deeply!!!  mellie
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MLH  ((BLOSSOM))
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| Lexi232
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| Lexi232
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#5
Dec 24, 2011, 02:04 AM
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Thanks to you all!
 And I do understand you and all of you! Crying can be a good thing, tho we dont normally do so... But I do understand! And your not making things worse, I promise! I thank you all! <3 We are starting to feel ourself again... atleast where we are able to communicate and the needs and wants of eachother... but we dont know if that's because the med we took is helping that the ER gave to us, or if we are just going to another swing where we are just going to get even worse before we get better... we are all over the place.. its like mood swings from hell... our head is still pretty foggy and unclear.. but i think we are getting better...i'm not quite sure though... and i know we are having problems in problem solving and other things, that just makes us feel like we are going crazy.. but that too seems to be a symptom from withdrawling abruptly from one of the meds.. I really hope this ends soon. we can't last like this... LOTS OF HUGS TO YOU, THE LITTLE ONES, AND ALL THE OTHER PARTS OF YOU!!! <3 we might talk to abby.. she is making biscuts on the back of chair we are in right now.. my head is really too incoherent to make much of my words out without getting tounge tied- ... its starting again... i knew it wasn't gone for too long.. i guess since we are not in public and we are alone in our room then we will just let it be and not fight it. we fought it hard earlier and it was no use.. other than we were able to keep conciousness... sorta... we can't piece things together like we normally do.. to make full memories... what we normally do after a therapy session.. we isolate and piece it all together... that way we have no way of having forgetful momments ... it will be nice to be off of that one med without the withdrawls anymore... that will be a exciting refreshing thing.. we think... because the med has been clouding our judgement and messing with our mental abilities, along with interfering with the tolerance to the adhd med i'm on. But we only think. we worry because we were stupid and got ourselves here... we didn't have the right mindset.. we weren't realy us... we couldn't think right really.... we only thought we could... now that we are off we remember what it was like to be off of the med.. Im so glad to have met you *hugs and smileys with hearts*!!! (i can't ifnd the smileys here lol)
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#6
Dec 24, 2011, 09:04 AM
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| Lexi232
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| Lexi232
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#7
Dec 25, 2011, 01:37 AM
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I am hoping soon to call the 24/7 line at my mental health place, and asking if they have a pdoc on call or something, because the withdrawl from all 4 meds is getting to me.. and i'm so... messed up...
I'm not even sure what or who is me anymore.. I guess i have to wait and see once i finish withdrawling.... whenever that may be.... but today is still going better than yesterday. I found some of my PRN that was put in place the last time I came withdrawling off of one of them, and wasn't able to get to the pharamacy, or the doc to pick up the script(it couldn't be called in or faxed), which is helping. I also still have those two benzo type meds that i'm withdrawling off of (i'm withdrawling off of 2 big time anti anxiety meds, 1 antidepressant/pain control/antipsychotic/ and whatever else its known for-but it was an antidepresant for me, and a big time pain med.)... sooo... well last night i ended up taking one of the anti anxieties. but only crashed for 3 hours and was back up again... now i think i might sleep longer just because my eeyes are burning and i'm dead sleepy. Thanks again!!
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#8
Dec 25, 2011, 02:31 AM
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| Lexi232
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| Lexi232
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#9
Dec 25, 2011, 02:49 AM
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Thanks,
yeah i recently learned that. but i can't remember what happened other than it was wasn't good when we couldn't get good sleep. I have yet to goto sleep lol. but i hope you have a good holiday too! And i also hope you get some good sleep as well!
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