Integration?

My T, fairly early on, talked about integration, about "getting rid" of some of the people in my head. [He doesn't um, "specialize" in trauma and DID, can you tell??] I didn't say anything during that session, but let him know at the next session that statement just didn't go over well and was causing an almost full-on panic attack in my head. He apologized, told me that he knew as soon as it was out of his mouth that it was a mistake, and he was sorry.

Since then, we haven't really discussed the DID all that much. I was actually seeing him for depression, and that issue is what we focused on, and it's improved dramatically.

So, the weird thing is, without my T and I ever talking about it, integration seems to be happening. Two of the kids in my head are now part of me. The sentry is pissed and doesn't want to trust me anymore because he's convinced having the kids as part of me makes me unreliable. And I took them away from him. Any one out there gone through this process. I really feel like I'm weird and all alone in this.

you are not alone and you are not weird. I have gone through this too. what you are going through is what brought me here to psych central. At the time I came here there was no one here going through integration. in fact many people got upset because I was talking about integration.

I want you to know that you are not alone and though it does feel weird for a bit this weird feeling wont last. things will settle down for you. your sentry will get used to whats going on and will understand you all are stronger and better as a team working together as one person, as will your other alters that may feel a difference as more and more alters naturally integrate.

what helped me was keeping a journal, keeping my treatment providers and wife in the loop, so that they knew how to help me. and following what my treatment providers told me, my treatment providers also put me in touch with others that they knew were integrating. we (my treatment providers, others going through integration and I) have formed a therapeutic/support group so that we can have our integration needs met.

my suggestions /tips -

maybe if you talk with your treatment providers they can do this too for you and your community.

keep in touch with your treatment providers so that they can help you as best they can.

I don't think what you describe sounds weird. Sounds like what happened to me. I thought integrating would be this big deal with all kinds of fanfare. Instead it just sort of happened when I wasn't paying attention.

I have also integrated slowly and gently at my own pace in my own way. I am glad it has happened this way. One day I realized a bunch of people were missing and were "me". It was really cool.

I was slightly off balance for a few days once I realized it. But that was only because I became aware of it.

I have had some of my people get upset that others were integrating, they all accepted it eventually.

I still have some people who have not chosen to integrate. That is fine with me. None of us care anymore.

Good Luck and take care of all of you.