Adult eyes only PLEASE

Tosspot · Jan 10, 2012, 03:41 AM

Hey Purple, i feel like i know what you are going through, and all these posts have been so helpful to me. I'm not "full blown DID" but I have dissociated selves that are usually locked out. DUring "intimate" moments I just dissociate, start to fade out. Jake (my partner) is so patient with me. He recognizes when I am not there and doesn't pursue it further. its been 10 months since we have been physical. I just started doing yoga and it has been interesting. Whenever I seem to be bringing my physical body and my mind and spirit together i begin to dissociate. (i know i'm safe and far from anything sexual so there is no need to go anywhere) When I try to fight dissociation my brain has actually made me faint. How is that for avoidance? My T says "intimacy is your biggest trigger" being emotionally present... not the sexual abuse trauma history which we had been assuming for years.
Anyways, when you get a T, maybe couples therapy will help. Jake and I have been going and we have made so much progress - not physical yet but we'll get there! Turns out he's just as afraid as I am deep down

jk2833 · Jan 10, 2012, 03:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PurpleFlyingMonkeys

For ADULT eyes only (sorry but please no younger ones/alters or immature people)

****************Trigger warning**************

Back a few years ago my t asked me if I had an alter that came out during... Intimate relationships. I didn't think so at the time and still don't really think so but...

I've noticed a connection with that lately. Every time it seems to start, even though I am in a safe and committed relationship, every time the intimacy begins I start to space out. It feels like something is pulling me away and it happens every time. I have to focus and do grounding skills often while I am trying to not ruin the mood. Come to think of it though there have been nights I thought I fell asleep in the beginning stages of the intimacy but perhaps I didn't?

Anyways, just wondering if anyone else deals with this and how you can tell if your switching during or not. When I can't really feel it or anything and am kind of just watching from far behind my eyes, is it still me or could it be someone else?

I don't know if anyone can answer this for me and I'm sure I should bring it up with a t but as I've posted many times before, I don't have one yet but it becomes more and more obvious that I need one with each day that goes by. Any advice or understanding would be so very appreciated! Thanks for listening.

Hi thanks for bringing this topic up,I too have problems where upon I begin to space out during intimacy,my hubby has even noticed it.
I also have to really try to focus and concentrate,how un romantic for us both.
Another issue I have is when I feel like I'm part awake and definitely not in a deep sleep and my hubby may put his hand on my tummy to cuddle in whilst he's asleep,suddenly I start jumping around and shouting,I don't know why it happens but its gone on for years,I wake my husband up with shock as he obviously doesn't know what's wrong with me.
I've never suffered any trauma,abuse or unpleasant sexual experiences so I don't understand why I do it and I'm definitely not dreaming when I do it either.
I believe many others space out also but perhaps feel to embarrassed to say?
I wish I knew the answers but I can relate to you on this purple
Jax

Bmee2 · Jan 10, 2012, 10:30 PM

i am sorry i have nothing to offer. i do have a lot of questions about this though.

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