w_i posts here, so does vicki.
i am 17 and invisable. no one even cares. no one even knows i'm around. i hate myself because i'm so horrible and ugly and i must smell bad because mother always is telling me to wash myself because i'm so dirty. she says i look like a ***** with my hair down and makeup on. she tells me how bad i am. how i ruined her life and how worthless and horrible i am.
i went to the person who is supposed to help me and she didn't even know it wasn't w_i. she talked about how memories don't hurt and that w_i should validate i exist. but she didn't even want to try and talk with me. w_i knows i exist cuz she sees what i write. but she doesn't want to know how bad i hurt or how much i wish i died. i don't know who to talk to because i don't really think anyone even cares. i'm just a squashed bug on the sidewalk that keeps getting stepped on and no one even sees it.
what's the use.
just wanted to say this and now i will go away.

((((you))))

Please don't go away. I'd like to get to know you more. I often feel like you do. I know I am ugly and everybody my age keeps away from me because I am so horrible. I hide it by trying to do things for people so they will accept me but I know it can't work.

Anyway, I just wanted to ask you to stay around. You can pm me if you want. I don't suppose you will want to, but I would like you to. But I will understand if you don't.
elsie

[kimmydawn]

glad YOU posted

kd

[January]

I am very glad you posted. Please don't go away.

Safe hugs,

Jan

you all sound nice. but i don't trust people very much. i did a real stupid thing today, i wrote a note to the therapist we see and told her that i didn't think she liked me and that if she did she would know it was me and talk to me. when w_i went to therapy to day it was really me but the therapist didn't know and i think she should cuz she knows. i told her pretty much that she is just like my mother and now she is probably really mad at me and for sure she won't talk to me thurs.
i told her i didn't want to talk to her anyway.

i really don't care any more. husband is away all week. it's scary and lonely. usually the therapist tells w_i she can call if she is having a problem, but she didn't even say so. i think she really is fed up with us and i'm scared that one more person will leave and then there won't be anyone.

but that won't matter because squashed bugs when they get squashed again and again are dead anyway.

Hi

Trusting is a hard thing. Perhaps you can start off with baby steps here. I mean, you already started to trust us enough to post, and that is good. Don't put too much pressure on yourself; trust as much as you are able and hopefully you will be reassured by people's responses.

I don't think it was dumb to write a note to the T. Sometimes other people need help with us. I had to explain to my counsellor some of the ways she can know which of us she is talking to. She explained that it isn't always easy for her to tell.

I think if w_i is having a problem she should call the T. Perhaps the T forgot to say, or perhaps she thought she had said it often enough for w_i to know it is OK to call? Perhaps w_i should call anyway just to find out if it is OK to call?

How can you keep yourselves safe and secure? Are there things you can each do to feel OK? This must be a really difficult time for you; each time one of mine has come out for ther first time it is hard.

Be gentle with yourself. I hope you can soon feel accepted here.

Hi.

Yeah, im proud of you for posting!

It IS always harder the first time isin't it?

Hey, im not too much older than you! I'm 23. 17 was a really hard age, I remember well. Its too bad that your mom says those things. Aside from what she tells you, how do YOU feel about yourself with your hair down and your makeup on? Remember that you do not have to feel the same way your mom does, the great thing about being you is thar you can make your own decisions about how you feel!

You seem very smart too! And very forthcoming- I like that!

I hope you decide to stay around and feel free to message me if you need to talk or anything.

Take Care!

[SongBirdandDaisy]

Hi, I'm 17 too. Tonight was the first time I talked to T. Boy was I scared. I'm still scared. He said I could post here if I wanted to. I've been alone for so long and ignored and felt like nobody, "a squashed bug" I think you said. Maybe we can keep each other company, if you want. I will try if you will try.
Christine