[woundedhearts]

<font color="purple"> Parts have been flooding me with memories for the past 15 hours or so. I try to tell them that I know that there is stuff that they want to tell me. That I cannot deal with it all at once. That they need to help me by not flooding me with it. I feel as if we don't fit in or belong anywhere. We surely didn't fit in with our family or their "friends". Only for what they wanted us to do for their sick and twisted wants and desires. I want to crawl into a hole and pull the dirt over me. Feelings are getting to me as well. Safe touch and happiness is what I want, but this little child in my head and in my heart tell me, you ain't getting it, your a freak, you don't deserve it, you are no good, your bad, no one likes you anyway, no one wants to do anything but sick and twisted stuff to you, you don't belong in this world, you don't fit in, your just plainly disgusting. Have support group to go to this afternoon, but in the mood I am in, don't want to effect everyone else there. Don't want them to feel uncomfortable. Just want some peace, but that little child inside keeps saying: you ain't getting it, your a freak, you don't deserve it, you are no good, your bad, no one likes you anyway, no one wants to do anything but sick and twisted stuff to you, you don't belong in this world, you don't fit in, your just plainly disgusting. Want to fit in and belong. This world keeps going on and on around us and surrounding us with their stuff, but yet they don't see the suffering of someone else. Don't understand the pain and heartache someone else is going through and they don't care. Just want to be loved and accepted. Safe touch is a major craving. Someone to hold us, to give us a hug and say your ok, but yet: you ain't getting it, your a freak, you don't deserve it, you are no good, your bad, no one likes you anyway, no one wants to do anything but sick and twisted stuff to you, you don't belong in this world, you don't fit in, your just plainly disgusting. It plays over and over in my head. The memories, the feelings, the voices of a heart renching, pain stricken, heart broken, wounded child. I'm tired of feeling that way. Just want it all to go away. </font>

[Evangelista]

((((Woundedhearts)))) Many Many Gentle Hugs...sorry for the BIG hurts..know that U r so important and not selfish, we all have burdens to carry, and must cope, sharing helps..B safe inside out..be gentle..dont be so harsh on hurting selves..sometimes the windows has the shades drawn closed and its not so easy to see out of selves..its hard enough to bare being inside alone..Gentle Hugs.(((BIG HUG)))

The memories will always be there because memories are stored in the brain forever and permanetly unless the person experiences something physical like a massive hit on the head that damages and kills brain cells.

With DID the racing thoughts is one of the brains way of integration - having the person remember what happened in the past and being aware of the past feelings thoughts and actions while being aware in the present.

To stop this one situation -
First try to locate the triggers - something in your present life has reminded and matched with those pieces of memories. So your brain is on a type of autopilot of rerunning the audio memory pieces. Once you find the trigger do grounding techniques and relaxation to calm and then take care of the trigger - that may mean walking into another room, going for a walk away from the trigger, or in some way - throwing in the trash, rip up, put in a closet whatever but removing the trigger if possible.

If you can't find the trigger and relax yourself by noticing and taking care of the trigger try saying to yourself -

"ok that may have been true years ago but now I am an adult, if no one will give me those things then I CAN give them to myself" and then do something nice just for yourself. It could be a bath with bubbles, watch a kids movie, wrap up in a blanket and lay in pillows that are in a V shape to simulate holding yourself, listen to music, whatever will calm you.

[Rhapsody]

The memories can lessen in the time they spend in your present LIFE - the more you HEAL from in.... I had to learn to make myself think more on the good ones, but my mind and body found it easier to remember the bad and hurtful ones.... but it is getting better in time as I get better inside.... inside of ME.


LoVe,
Rhapsody -

[(JD)]

Part of the terribleness of trauma is the memories aren't handled quite right by the brain. Yes, the memories will always be there, but with therapy you can learn to train the brain how to file them away properly.

Once the memory is filed properly, it will always be there for you to revisit if you wish, take it out, think about it, and put it back away, out of mind. When your brain learns how to file traumatic memory, it won't keep them in the conscious mind anymore. The memory won't be intruding into your daily life.

Another good thing, you won't have to go through each and every memory to train the brain where to file it away. Once the brain learns one memory, it will automatically file all memories that are just like it, without your having to review and file each event, if you have such.

If you are being flooded by memories right now, and it feels like too much, ask your T to slow therapy work down for you. Being overwhelmed doesn't speed up healing. If the memories aren't from being triggered, and aren't totally overwhelming, then perhaps your mind/brain is ready to process and file them!

(((safe hugs)))

[pegasus]

[woundedhearts]

<font color="#000088"> Thanks everyone for their replys. It helps to know that we aren't alone. I know that we just joined here not to long ago and don't fit in with everyone. Hopefully you all can get to learn more about us and feel comfortable with us being here. If it is to difficult for you all to get new members we understand. Hope all is well with everyone. </font>

[kimmydawn]

I think you fit right in and I'm glad you're here.

kd