[mangledreality]

At thanks giving I had a real problem and had to finaly break down and get help. I had been treated for depresion and axiaty before but this was different 100 times worse.The Pdoc says i am bipolar and posttramatic. I have none epileptic seziers caused from trama of child hood, they are just another one of my dissociative coping things. Pdoc wanted to get bipolar a little level befor working on thearapy about past. It is time now and I am scard to DEATH. She says instead of just comming out with another person, my body goes into seziers.She thinks there are children hiding there.I am just so scard to look, to start this. We know it was my father(hard to type)he is dead now I am scared of him still and we have found triggers about him that start the seziers. I am just so scared to look. sometimes I zone out and my family says I just stare or talk in jiberish, but when I come out of it I can not remember. They say I cry and scream and am just plain tormented. Now they want to look and I am just scared, need everyones strenth!PLEASE.I do not know if I should Leave it or try to look. I do not know if I can face it I am afraid I will go away and never come back if it is to hard for me.HELP HELP HELP!!!!

[kimmydawn]

(((((((((((((mangledreality)))))))))))))

I remember being so afraid of "going there" and not being able to come back. It never happened for me, but I understand so much that fear.

Possibly you and your t need to talk about those fears and things she will ensure that that won't happen to decrease your anxiety a bout it.

gl and let us know~

kd

[pegasus]

mangledreality,

I can understand yor fear of having to look into the past. It is very painful. But well worth doing.

Your therapist is unlikely to go diving right into it. Your T will help you by making sure that you have some good coping stratergies and grounding skills,before hand.

Therapy really does help.

Good luck.