[WantingtoHeal]

Hi, I'm new here. I haven't read many of the posts yet, so I'm sorry to just jump right in. Pretty desperate as of late. I have concerns that I might be dissociating, but I keep thinking that I'm just being absurd. I'm 42 and have a history of mental health problems (depression, eating disorders, anxiety, cutting, OCD, etc.). I've been on medication since I was 14. I've been in talk therapy off and on throughout the years, but have repeatedly quit, because I consistently got worse instead of better. I finally quit for good and managed to put everything behind me and forget about it all - didn't want anything to do with the mental health system at all (except to continue my meds). I got married, had a child, full-time job, etc. I recently changed Psych docs because of insurance changes and I was exasperated with the other one and he suggested that I try "talk therapy" again. For whatever reason, I wasn't prepared and said "sure, what the hell, I'll try." I went the next day and she asked me about my family of origin and it was as if the floodgates opened. I said things that I didn't even think about - couldn't believe I was saying these things. Ever since then, I have been a basket case - suicidal, cutting, scared, anxious, panicky. It's like a switch went off. Last week in the session, the counselor asked me some questions and I felt like I couldn't handle the question, it felt like I was going to sleep, literally, my eyes were getting very heavy, I was looking off to the side. I couldn't speak or move. I have no idea how much time passed and she called out my name and I jumped back and looked at her. I don't remember what her questions were exactly, but this happened 3 times. It's like I felt very far away, deep within myself. No connection to that room, my body, or anything for that matter. I have never felt any connection to my body. I can't seem to feel anything about my past when I do talk about it. I have what I call "the conversations" in my head that drive me insane. Constant chatter that comment on my behavior, have conversations amongst each other, to me, about me, etc. I can't stop it. I wake up to it, it wakes me up, I become totally unaware of what's around me, because I get involved in the conversations at times. I avoid being around people because I don't want anyone to notice. Also, it's as if they have to talk. I have to hold it together when I'm around other people and hurry home to let them talk. I had managed to completely eliminate this for years!!! And in 1 day, they're back! I don't feel like I lose time, but I do have large memory gaps that I have attributed to drinking large amounts of diet coke. Sorry for the long post. Thanks for reading. Does this sound like dissociation or could it be something else? Honestly, dissociation just seems so out there to me. No offense to anyone.

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by WantingtoHeal

Hi, I'm new here. I haven't read many of the posts yet, so I'm sorry to just jump right in. Pretty desperate as of late. I have concerns that I might be dissociating, but I keep thinking that I'm just being absurd. I'm 42 and have a history of mental health problems (depression, eating disorders, anxiety, cutting, OCD, etc.). I've been on medication since I was 14. I've been in talk therapy off and on throughout the years, but have repeatedly quit, because I consistently got worse instead of better. I finally quit for good and managed to put everything behind me and forget about it all - didn't want anything to do with the mental health system at all (except to continue my meds). I got married, had a child, full-time job, etc. I recently changed Psych docs because of insurance changes and I was exasperated with the other one and he suggested that I try "talk therapy" again. For whatever reason, I wasn't prepared and said "sure, what the hell, I'll try." I went the next day and she asked me about my family of origin and it was as if the floodgates opened. I said things that I didn't even think about - couldn't believe I was saying these things. Ever since then, I have been a basket case - suicidal, cutting, scared, anxious, panicky. It's like a switch went off. Last week in the session, the counselor asked me some questions and I felt like I couldn't handle the question, it felt like I was going to sleep, literally, my eyes were getting very heavy, I was looking off to the side. I couldn't speak or move. I have no idea how much time passed and she called out my name and I jumped back and looked at her. I don't remember what her questions were exactly, but this happened 3 times. It's like I felt very far away, deep within myself. No connection to that room, my body, or anything for that matter. I have never felt any connection to my body. I can't seem to feel anything about my past when I do talk about it. I have what I call "the conversations" in my head that drive me insane. Constant chatter that comment on my behavior, have conversations amongst each other, to me, about me, etc. I can't stop it. I wake up to it, it wakes me up, I become totally unaware of what's around me, because I get involved in the conversations at times. I avoid being around people because I don't want anyone to notice. Also, it's as if they have to talk. I have to hold it together when I'm around other people and hurry home to let them talk. I had managed to completely eliminate this for years!!! And in 1 day, they're back! I don't feel like I lose time, but I do have large memory gaps that I have attributed to drinking large amounts of diet coke. Sorry for the long post. Thanks for reading. Does this sound like dissociation or could it be something else? Honestly, dissociation just seems so out there to me. No offense to anyone.

are you dissociating? sorry answering this either way is called making a diagnosis. we cant diagnose each other here. only you and your treatment providers can say whether you are dissociating or not. all we can do here is tell you if we have had the same issues you have..

I have had these same problems. my treatment providers called it by many names, some of which are - bipolar disorder, delusions, hallucinations, depression, PTSD, Mania, medication problems, dietary problems, dehydration, sleep deprivation. the flu, colds, parkensons, multiple schlorosis, muscular dystrophy,...

does it sould like dissociation - sure it can sound like just about anything... it could sound like hallucinations, delusions, menopausal, or any other mental or physical health problem. if you google your symptoms you will see thousands, millions, trillions of things this could sound like....

my suggestion contact your treatment providers. they can help you discover what is going on, what its called and get you the treatment that you may need.

[WantingtoHeal]

Originally Posted by amandalouise

are you dissociating? sorry answering this either way is called making a diagnosis. we cant diagnose each other here. only you and your treatment providers can say whether you are dissociating or not. all we can do here is tell you if we have had the same issues you have..

I have had these same problems. my treatment providers called it by many names, some of which are - bipolar disorder, delusions, hallucinations, depression, PTSD, Mania, medication problems, dietary problems, dehydration, sleep deprivation. the flu, colds, parkensons, multiple schlorosis, muscular dystrophy,...

does it sould like dissociation - sure it can sound like just about anything... it could sound like hallucinations, delusions, menopausal, or any other mental or physical health problem. if you google your symptoms you will see thousands, millions, trillions of things this could sound like.

my suggestion contact your treatment providers. they can help you discover what is going on, what its called and get you the treatment that you may need.

I think this is the right place to reply. Not sure. Yes, you are right. After I sent that and read some of the posts, I realized that I was wrong in writing what I did. I'm sorry for that. This is about support, not diagnosis. Thank you for your response. I appreciate it. I am working with a counselor and psychiatrist presently and hopefully will get things figured out.

[wanttoheal]

Welcome!

I think it definitely could be dissociation. If it is, your therapist will help you figure out what's going on. Have you told her what you've written here?

When I first started going to a therapist, I had no idea I was dissociating. I went for help with an eating disorder. Turns out that was only one thing I was dealing with.

I hope you will find some answers. It's scary not knowing what's going. As I got more awareness, I felt like things were getting worse for me and things felt more and more out of control. I think that's kind of normal though. As I've worked through therapy, I have gotten stronger and I can see improvements now. If you are dissociating, chances are you've been doing it for a very long time. We need awareness first in order to move forward and it sounds like you are getting that.

Be gentle with yourself as you figure out what's going on. No matter what is going on, there is help and life can get better.

Take good care,
wanttoheal

[CantExplain]

((WantingToHeal))

[mala]

It sounds like dissociation but if you were not aware - sort of brain dead emptiness or catatonic then I dont think its totally dissociation because folks with DID are aware but as an alternate personality, where it sounds like you werent. I would think its depersonalisation or similar to dissociation but without the alternate personality.