[Evangelista]

We need to know what to do when the bad pictures come..when the images of monsters, and blood and pain..sounds and smells is all here and now..when they don't stay away and make us want to run..and run..and run..so tired of running..not memories..HERE AND NOW..not then..why do they say then..its not then it's NOW..don't understand how to bury something that never died..sorry Triggered.time to curl up with Tiny Dog..my T gave me a toy from the play room yesterday, we had a hard time..its a stuffed doggy..looks just like my Tiny..the doggie my Mommy killed..but we luvs it too,, but misses Tiny.crying now..got to go..

[SongBirdandDaisy]

((((((((((((Evangelista)))))))))))))))))

Holding your dog is a great way to comfort the littles that hurt inside. This is tough stuff, especially when we're triggered. We're here with you. I don't feel smart enough to give you advice (myself made a great post on a thread that I recently posted "What to do when . . .") Myself''s explainations were very helpful and might also help you.
Also try looking at the grounding techniques at the top of this forum. That also seems to help.

Safe hugs, warm thoughts,
Anne

[Evangelista]

Thank u Anne..can u help me find your post I can't find it..maybe it's just because I am upset..but I am looking for it..sometimes when this happens what comes in is scrambled and I don't see all the words.

[SongBirdandDaisy]

"Trying to remember what I did/doing" in this forum, about four threads down from you

Sorry I got the name wrong. . . . . a bit confused myself sometimes. "Myself" has several responses because I got confused and didn't understand so keep moving down the list and look for her. It was seriously helpful. Hope today goes better for you. I'm on my way to see T -
Anne

[bipolar_bear]

((((((((((((((Evangelista)))))))))))))) I wish I could tell you what to do but did want to let you know I am here for you. I think it is wonderful that your T gave you a stuffed doggy. Maybe you can hold it and stay with it for a while.

((((((((((((Evangelista)))))))))))))

Hold your doggie and take a breath.

Now think about something you already did this morning.

Now think about what you are doing right now - sitting at a computer reading this post.

Just by doing this you are creating a memory through the sense of sight. While you are doing this it is the here and now. So while you are reading this your brain is storing this memory of reading this post as the here and now. This memory of reading this post is going to ALWAYS contain the feeling of reading this post right now in the here and now.

storing memories is kind of like a video camera. You the lens is recording everything that is going on in the present life. When you recorded something yesterday that thing you recorded was in the present.

Hard concept I know.

Can you today record something you already did yesterday? Yesterday I loaded the dishwasher. Can I TODAY pick up a video camera and record my loading the dishwasher yesterday?

the answer is no. Everything that happens gets "saved" in the brain as a memory as it happens not after it happens. This means that inside a memory there is no past. everything in the memory was stored as it was happening in the present when it happened.

The same thing is true for the future - Can I Today video tape me doing the dishes tomorrow? No I have to wait until tomorrow to video tape me doing the dishes tomorrow. This means there is also no future inside a memory.

At the time the memory was stored it was the present here and now time.

When I do the dishes tommorrow, at that point when I am doing the dishes it will be the here and now.

When I did loaded the dishwasher yesterday, at the time I did it, it was the here and now.

What all this means is that memories are timeless. Their content is ALWAYS done in the here and now. There is no past inside a stored memory, and there is no future inside a stored memory.

Now think about being in a memory piece. Since that memory piece was stored as the here and now the rerunning of memory pieces is ALWAYS going to be as if that memory is the here and now.

When I am floating off in la la land for example the memory piece (alter) Mary reruns. Because alters are memories that have been stored separated, they are time less - there is no past and future to them. When I am in a "mary" memory piece there is no yesterday I did this or tomorrow I am going to do that. Everything said and done while that memory piece is rerunning is the here and now of the memory piece (what happened when the memory got stored)

I have a memory piece that is the memory of when my mother hit and pulled my hair. When That memory piece gets triggered - in the here and now I duck. Why because memorys are timeless there is no past (yesterdays) and no future (tommorrows). While experiencing that memory piece I am still getting hit and my hair pulled and I react the way I did back when the memory was first stored.

this is the way it happens for all memory pieces (alters). Which is why professionals use the concept of time to figure out if someone is in a memory piece. If they are not in a memory piece the person talks in the past, present and future tenses ( yesterday I went... Today I will go..... Tommorow I am going....) but in a memory piece there is only today because that memory was stored while the situation was happening (the here and now of that situation). Which is why a person in a memory piece can only do, say and be what is in that memory, nothing more and nothing less and only as if it was the here and now still.

Now put this in the concept of your "monsters". It is going to seem like those monsters are real in the here and now because the memory was made at the time it happened.

You can't do anything to change those memories because the actual real situation is done and over with and what you are left with is a memory. You can't time travel back to before the situation happened and do something different so that the memory will have a different content.

But you can do things in the present here and now that will make YOU feel better. Once you feel better and are not being triggered that those memories will stop replaying.

Take a piece of paper and make a list of things that make you feel good about yourself, comforts you and makes you feel safe. Then when those memories replay you can read that list and do those things and that will stop t he monster memorys from replaying.

When the monster memories start I can ....
Take a bath
read a book
eat an ice cube
hold my toy dog
listen to music..........

[Evangelista]

Thank u Anne, Bipolar Bear, Myself..it's been a rough day.I have tried to structure the best I could to deal with the memories..Myself as usual you are a beacon in the storm..thank you all. I am going to bed with Tiny now..hopefully she will protect me from the monsters, like she used to do..before..you know..uh oh starting to cry again..better go..leaky eyes makes for spelling errors..sniffle...bye..gentle hugs to all..

[Evangelista]

Thanks to all who posted and helped us/me. I am taking Tiny back to the Play room today at my Therapist's office, was a very rough weekend, but also a very healing one. Decided it's time for another puppy in my./our life, will visit the Humane Society soon..Save a throwaway, like me, will have good vibes us thinks. wishes us well, please..also, using our Artistic gift to do a series on Dissociative process, and have drafts for 4 paintings accomplished, hope to have them completed by the end of the Summer. You all have been a life line, so I that is we, offer a GIANT CYBER HUGS to the bestest virtual support group on the Net..

(((((((((((((((((Evangelista)))))))))))))) back atcha.

Ok now my head is singing Donna Fargo - You can't be a beacon if your light don't shine --- LOL

me tell you about this place and then drop you in sink or swim? No going to happen dear friend.

My beacon will always shine your way to the shore.