I think my DID/DDNOS/whatever is worse than I thought, and I think T is JUST figuring it out. I don't know what it means for my therapy and I'm scared.

I DO NOT WANT THIS.

[Claritytoo]

I felt the same way. I was aware that not everyone thought like me but I didn't know why. When I was diagnosed I was freaked out. Part of me was glad there was an explanation for what was in my head but another part of me could not wrap my head around the concept of alters. I went back and forth from acceptance to denial to acceptance. I have come to learn that this is part of the process. What helped me was reading about the diagnosis to see if it fit, finding this site because I was able to see myself in some of the threads and taking my time and working with my t. The biggest obstacle to my moving more quickly is fear. But I am allowing myself to accept that this process will take time and when we are all ready we will all move forward together. Fear and all. Talk to your t even if you think what you are thinking is odd. It's not. And take your time. Take care.

[Hunny]

What do you mean by worse than you thought? If you don't want to say it is okay. I understand about the dread of it but I'm not sure I get your putting the value of 'worse' on it.

Really good explanation Claritytoo.

[pegasus]

(((((( nightsky )))))) It is scary but you are on the healing path, your T will help.

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by nightsky

I think my DID/DDNOS/whatever is worse than I thought, and I think T is JUST figuring it out. I don't know what it means for my therapy and I'm scared.

I DO NOT WANT THIS.

I used to think this about my DID too. but then my therapist explained to me that my DID is already at its worst before entering therapy. it doesnt become worse with therapy. it was just my perception before diagnosis I wasnt aware of it and therefore wasnt paying attention to my symptoms and problems. after diagnosis I knew it was there therefore I was noticing what was happening.

Noticing my symptoms and problems was actually a good thing... it meant I was becoming more focused, more aware instead of dissociating my symptoms and problems out of my awareness..

As for what more awareness of my DID symptoms and problems meant in my therapy.. it meant therapy was working... therapy for DID is working to become aware of symptoms / problems and working to solve them.. yup I sure was noticing what DID symptoms were doing with my life alright. the solving well that came a little bit at a time with the help of my treatment providers..

I cant tell you what you noticing your dissociative symptoms/problems means for you and your therapy...only your treatment providers can do that..

suggestion maybe you can talk with your treatment providers, let them know what symptoms and problems you are noticing and they can help you work on them so that they wont seem so hard for you.

[possum220]

I don't think anybody wants it.

It is your minds way of coping with emotions and trauma to take care of you.

No it isn't nice (Understatement).

Years after being diagnosed and seeing the behaviour of my alts I can still say to my P'doc "there is nothing wrong with me". I believe it (or at least some part does).

It is hard and horrid and yukky and embarrasing and painful and shaming and honest and real and protective and inciteful and open and funny and teary and angry and scary. It is so many things.

The only thing it isn't is boring.

Hugs if you want them.

[jax01]

I don't want it either.
If you find out where you can return it, please let me know.

Getting started in therapy, getting diagnosed, both had me freaked out. Then as we moved on it seemed like everthing was falling apart. My whole life.
But....
If you read around the net or in books about what it's like to have DID, ( not novelizations) you see every one seems to go through the same things. Everything I 've read has shown this. It was all so similar that I could have written it myself. That helped me a great deal. It ment I wasn't alone, or a freak. And that means neither are you.
It gets better. I promiss. Just stick with it.

Jax