First Day Of Therapy ( SI trig poss)

Well, everyone
therapy came, and therapy went. No hospital yet. But I now have emergency T number for off hours, and she wants to start working on things slowly. She also mentioned that the patterns I talked about between going good and falling apart sound like I may be bipolar as well..

Terrific. Whee. :P

We are going to start the courage to heal book and workbook, which I have started and ripped up three times in fear.

I feel numb now after falling apart.

I told her about the cutting. She didnt seem to make a big deal of it, but she made me show her, my whole left forearm is slashed to heck, but not deep thank god we were wise enough to stop...and i was so ashamed..


Told her about the spacing out, told her about the missing blocks of time. didnt specifically mention any of the rest of us, I dont trust her enough yet and the others wont let me anyways.

She gave us a card with the crisis line number wrote in big numbers in red.

I guess it went ok. I would have liked to get some further ideas to help deal with the urges to cut, but I guess at the same time it is only the first session.

Just want to lay in my bed and be still for a while.

Thought of all of you today though, and it helped to know that I had something to come home to and dish to.

Thanks everyone..

\

I feel like i should be more upset, like earlier, but i just feel numb

I think you did some great work there, whenever I've been to counselling and such I've felt weird and spacey afterwards, I think it's a natural reaction. Maybe jjst try taking things easy tonight and tomorrow if you feel the need for it too, I agree with you not mentioning any of your others to her so soon, is she a specialist in dissociative disorders or trauma? Hopefully though you will grow to trust her though and tell her, did you like her today? This was your first visit to her?

I found the trick to doing workbooks like the courage to heal is first do the Chapter in the text called The emergency stage (starts on page 72 and goes to page 76) and also do the accompanying workbook chapters of: Creating Safety (pages 19-34) ,Building Your Support System (pages 35-63), Dealing With Crisis (pages 64-88) and Nurturing Yourself (pages 89-97)

By doing these first before working on the hard memory type work I have the groundwork done and know what my options and plans are when the hard stuff upsets (triggers) me into those hard to deal with feelings.

This text book also comes in cassette tape recordings made by the Author Laura Davis and is available on her website to get there just type in the search bar lauradavis.net.

I think it's great that you have an emergency number. I'm concerned that she's immersing you into that book already. I wonder about the bipolar suggestion, as someone who is DID could have different aspects of themself that have those reactions...

But you did a great thing ((((rainbowzz))) Glad you have help. Take time to rest. Therapy is hard work!

thanks everyone

I think the bipolar mention came specifically from me telling her that I go through good periods and bad periods, though I dont feel personally that I fit bipolar either.

yeah, I havent even touched the book yet. I dont work this weekend, not that Ive been to work in over a week, but I want to try and go work a couple hours tomorrow, so I think ill start friday.

wow -- u got more done in your first session than i got done in 2 years of therapy lol

amazing

z

Im on the fth copy of the books. It does get easier.

The first time I breezed through it.. I thought it was so cool everyone in the group I was in where we were using it were having trouble with it and here I was one two t hree done.......Until a therapist realized I was going through it while shutting everything off/..Even though she wasn't a part of that survivors run group she said how about we do this together. Then it wasn't so easy.

Now 14 years later a 5th copy of both the text and workbook are sitting on my bookshelf and gets used alot. See no matter what is going on with me its in those two books no matter day or night if something is going on I know I have help right then and there. I don't have to wait until a therapist has time to call m back. I just open to the pages that I need and read and do the exercizes and most times Im back on track.

One thing that has cut down on replacement costs is writing my answers in notebooks instead of directly into the books. This way too From time to time I can redo the book and compare to how I was thining the last time I did it. I can definately see the improvements along the way.

Im not surprised that your therapist has asked you to do this. Every therapist that I have had, had a copy of these books and used them and those that didn't I showed them the bboks when I showed them my work. Its now a habit to do them when ever I get a new therapist. comes in real handy for breaking the ice and helping the therapist get to know me.

Just take it one step at a time and you can do it.

Here's your well deserved Happy Dance for you.
You did a really great job in your first session with T. It takes time to build trust so take your time and remember to breath.

Sounds like you have a good T there. Sounds like she understands about the cutting. My T does the same thing and ask to see the cuts. My T just says he cares about our well being and that he just wants to make sure we are OK and that's why he wants to see the cuts. It takes a lot to work through the cutting. We have been doing it since we were like 9 or 10 years old. We just have to learn to redirect our feelings into something that's not harmful to our bodies.

Good Luck with T, It's a long journey of healing. But always worth it.

Monty