poss trig- ?ing my actions at the mo

I've had problems since I suffered psychosis 1 1/2yrs ago with a recurring need to be strangled. I have no idea why, and have often found myself in bed at night with a cord round my neck, but not too tight. When my nurse asked me yesterday if I had SIed recently I immediately felt so guilty and couldn't look her in the eye. I haven't told her about this- I don't know what 'this' is. I mean, is it actually a form of self harm. I am not harming myself, and it is causing no injury. I am totally confused, and while I used to be more worried about the actual act of it, it doesn't seem to be much of an issue anymore coz it is not too tight round my neck. I am totally confused, feeling full of guilt, and ?ing what it actually is that I am doing...

I'm sorry you are going through this right now.

A question that I have is have you ever been strangled by someone else? This is very important, also. If you were once strangled before and left to live, then you may secretly be wanting death.

I remember when my ex strangled me I had repeatedly tried to make him strangle me after he did this, but he refused to "finish the job." I've also tried to hang myself. Now I cannot stand anything near my neck, let alone anyone's hands near my neck. I often flip out when my bf puts his hands near my neck.

Another possibility could also be the wish to die, either consciously or unconsciously.

I wish I had more answers for you. This has to be terrifying. Please let your T be aware of what is happening to you. And when your T asks you about SI, ask her if this is considered SI in her opinion. I'm not sure if it is or not. I think it all depends on the reason behind it.

Hang in there.

((((((irish)))))))))

if it bothered you to begin with, pay attention to that feeling. Sometimes a stage in addiction we get to is denial that its a problem. We minimize the damage it does to us (physically, emotionaly). I'd pay attention to your initial feelings about it and talk to someone who can help you.

Yes it is a form of self injury. a dangerious one at that.

There was a news documentary (I don't remember what it was called but the title had the words "the new game" in it which is why I watched it) going around here about strangling being the new "game" of chioce for some teen agers. Adults have always engaged in aphixiation games and its labeled uner sex games - B&D (bondage and Discipline)

When a person strangles theirself or their partner they experience a sort of rush kind of like anerexics and bulemics get after purging Something about the endorphins get triggered.

Many teens have picked up on the adult forms of B&D and have actually died while playing this new fad "game" because that endorphin rush comes right before passing out from lack of oxygen.

From what I have seen and heard about this it is something you should discuss with your therapist because it is a life threatening thing and you can accidentally die from playing around like this.

One of the professionals interviewed for the show around here said If it brings you comfort in doing it then it will only be a matter of time before it escalates to the point of your death. it is best to get help in stopping it just like you would if you were suffering from an eating disorder or cutting.

wow- thanks for the insights. I have never stopped to think about possible triggers or anything, but I can't remember anyone ever having done this to me... but then there is a lot I don't remember from when I was growing up. My nurse and I meet again later on this week, so I guess we will be having an 'interesting' talk then... Thanks Lex, EV and myself for your posts...

It turns out David Carradine was engaged in auto erotic aphixiation causing his death. In DSMIV it is a sub classification of macsocism. About 95% of the participants are men.

I hope you talk to your nurse or therapist about this - take care P7