[z0ey]

i was wondering if anybody has ever been in the midst of ....

hmm well let me first say that i remember very little of my my life ... that is not new ... what is new is that well

GRRR i dont know how to say in words

i cant keep up ... and i know i cant .. i guess that is the difference finding myself --in the middle of march when the last clear living i did was in january ... i keep thinking ahhh okay now i have a handle .. now i feel inside of myself only to find myself weeks later ---- not believing it is weeks later and thinking how well i feel and how inside myself i am only to like .. its like waking up and finding myself again with weeks past and it taking me completely by surprise because of how much i feel inside of myself -- and i feel like i have a handle on things --- it is one thing to find time gone when u know u have been out of it
has anybody kept thinking that they have a handle on things over and over to keep finding over and over and over they are missing giant gaps in time








if anybody has any ideas about what is going on .... or how to really get inside of myself and quit just thinking i am inside of myslef .... i really need ideas thanks

zoey

[Evangelista]

Hi Zoey.

I have been struggling with this too, and it is so disheartening and frustrating..sad..the dissociation is so strong, second nature, it is natural for human beings to do this process is what I am learning, but how do you turn it off after years of adaptation? I don't know...but I thought I would let you know your not alone...I am going to participate in a study soon on memory funded by the NIMH, I don't relish the idea of being a Psychology Lab subject..but I want to understand this process more..my mind is so full of holes...professionals tell me not to push it..that there is a reason the release valve we have works this way..but..it hurts to loose your life and your mind. pieces at a time..

Yea Zoey I have lost months close to a year. Its called Dissociative Fugue. Its caused by being triggered (feeling upset and unable to handle the situation that is happening). The key to mine was locating the trigger - my child wasn't home during the holidays. Once I took care of the trigger I could remember what was going on in the present and function on a daily basis again. I still have no conscious memory of what happened during that holiday season and that time near surrounding that season when I forgot I had a child. that memory was separated from me but someday I know I will remember that holiday and surrounding time frame again because memories are stored forever. Nothing short of a massive blow to the head resulting in physical brain damage (dead brain cells don't regenerate like skin cells) can remove a memory. So I just go about my days paying attention to my triggers and how I feel. If Im not dissociating then Im not losing time and memories.

[Evangelista]

(((MYSELF)))

I am so glad you shared...your reply really helped me too..and your BLOG...touches on this too dosen't it..you know the memory..thing..but I thought I read where you touched on this suject there..

Yea I think so. Theres so much info in my blog that I don't always remember the exact content and wording. But it should be there. If it isn't there then you read it on the NAMI website and it will soon be here too.

[z0ey]

maybe thats it myself

i dont know this this what is going on is so different from before

before i was like hoovering ... i knew it ... i knew i was skipping out -- not control but not surprising when i saw time had passed

this time though --- is like the floor out from under me and i feel on solid ground ... i feel so inside myself but then find i have missed lots --- this has been going on for months now ....

i guess i should try to figure a trigger then? wondering how to go about doing that ... i will ask my T but if u have any ideas ..anyone really ... it would be greatly appreciated ... how to figure out a trigger hmmmm

thank you so much for your responses myself and evangelista --- it is lessalientating just to know others know what --- or can realte to this ... whats going on

gonna look up dissociative fugue this has me way confused too ... can have fugue in addition to identity disorder? --further explanation on this would be gr8ly appreciated

i have read your blog ...maybe i am missing --where u talk about this -- if so please let me know which post in blog adresses this as well

thanks guys -- for serious -- thanks infinity

zoe