[such is life...]

I tried telling my dad what really happened to me when I was a child. He will not believe me,or validate me. He worked 3 jobs and had no clue of what was going on under his roof. He knows I was abused but most of my abusers were people he loved cared about and trusted...so he wont listen. None of my family will listen to me...they say things like ...that was in the past let it go, or get over it( none of them know the real truth about what happened to me ..I have never told them )I just want my dad to say I'm sorry you were hurt , and I wasn't there to protect you...I love you. My dad is getting old I want him to hold me..... sorry I cant finish..... Some of my abusers when I see them I want to SI or die.

[IowaFarmGal]

People can be really selfish in certain ways. If they feel blamed over something they can't change, and maybe even moreso when they feel guilt, they will go on defending themselves to the end, without any regard to your pain. My therapist had me send letters of forgiveness so I could unhook myself on my end. I'm not talking about the abusers themselves but others like your Dad that you want a relationship with. Maybe this would be a way to finally tell them. It didn't go perfect but at least I had an opportunity this way to have my say uninterrupted and finally get some closure on it.

[such is life...]

Originally Posted by IowaFarmGal

People can be really selfish in certain ways. If they feel blamed over something they can't change, and maybe even moreso when they feel guilt, they will go on defending themselves to the end, without any regard to your pain. My therapist had me send letters of forgiveness so I could unhook myself on my end. I'm not talking about the abusers themselves but others like your Dad that you want a relationship with. Maybe this would be a way to finally tell them. It didn't go perfect but at least I had an opportunity this way to have my say uninterrupted and finally get some closure on it.

(((((( IowaFarmGal )))) Thanks for the advice. My t wont let me have contact at this time with family...even my dad because he says things that trigger us. I guess I am afraid since he is getting old that he may die and because a lot of my abusers are family; I don't know if I will be strong enough to attend his funeral where "they" will be . I did write my dad a letter...then I cut off all contact with my family. It hurts .

[IowaFarmGal]

Huge Safe Hugs {{{{{{{{{{such is life}}}}}}}}}}. I'm so sorry you had to break off contact with everyone. I hope it isn't a permanent situation and there will be some healing before your father is gone. I wish for you healing, strength and a wonderful life of your own creation if the old one must be left behind.

[such is life...]

Originally Posted by IowaFarmGal

Huge Safe Hugs {{{{{{{{{{such is life}}}}}}}}}}. I'm so sorry you had to break off contact with everyone. I hope it isn't a permanent situation and there will be some healing before your father is gone. I wish for you healing, strength and a wonderful life of your own creation if the old one must be left behind.

(((((IowaFarmGal))))) In order to heal I had to break off contact...every time we did contact family we wound up in the nut house. My dad didn't know what was happening to me...but looking back there had to have been clues. My father is a dreamer he keeps his head up in a cloud.he says to me One bad person...he says " shes an old woman now" That doesn't help my little's any. It was good to see you in chat tonight....I kinda like the way you think.
I am moving forward....it just hurts when you cant share with family.I am healing and doing better then ever.....such is life...

[IowaFarmGal]

I tried to get to chat but the portals wouldn't work. My computer has been freezing up on me all day long.

[such is life...]

Originally Posted by IowaFarmGal

I tried to get to chat but the portals wouldn't work. My computer has been freezing up on me all day long.

I'm sorry Iowa I could have sworn I saw you in chat last night.

[Gr3tta]

I am sorry you had to cut off contact when you would have liked a relationship with your dad. Sadly, I've learned that I can't place any expectations on people such as wanting an apology, or understanding, or love, or forgiveness. I can't force others to have emotions they don't have, or to express them even if they do have them. Sometimes it does wind up being the safest and best course of action to cut some people off in order to prevent them from hurting us further. It's still sad, but when you're not being re-hurt over and over, the sadness has a chance to heal.