[GypsyRosalie]

We have a few questions.

1. Is there any benefit to co-consciousness? Any downsides?

2. Is there any benefit to integrating? Downsides?

I ask these questions because I have been thinking "If this is all a coping mechanism, no one is getting hurt, and everything is running and functioning smoothly, is there any reason to change the system? Doesn't that mean my system is working?"

3. Children about age 3-4 really trigger me to switch. I usually see and hear what's happening when this particular switch happens, but I am a horrible person to this kid. I just want to know if there is anything I can do to be nicer or more in control, or if anyone has any idea why I might be having this problem.

All of us appreciate answers.

[Roseheart101]

Hello Cas, Nina, Alex, Rosalie, and others,

I don't have any good answers. I am just starting the process myself. I just wanted to mention something my T said, for what it is worth.

I have always maintained the point that "why would anyone want to feel their feelings . . . when the feelings were miserable and ****ty. Better to be numb, was my thinking.

The point made by my T was that I was dealing with the ****ty miserable feelings anyway, just not directly and it was better to have the snake in front of you than behind you.

That doesn't make it any easier, I know. My first approach at letting him talk to even one had repercussions.

But the bottom line is that you need to do what YOU need to do within your time frame. Not what I need to do or anyone else. I wish you all the best in whichever paths you chose to walk. Many hugs!

[GypsyRosalie]

Thank you Roseheart. I think I get what you're saying. I don't know, though. I think I need to just stay as I am until things change. I'm facing my husband potentially being deployed for US National Guard, my daddy is in prison, and my mom is never around because of how much she works. I think my system is supposed to keep protecting me for now. I was just wondering if any co-cons or integrated people have any insight to the pluses and minuses of doing it.
Cas

[Roseheart101]

Wow Cas, you have a lot of stresses. That makes it so tough. Do take care of yourselves!

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by GypsyRosalie

We have a few questions.

1. Is there any benefit to co-consciousness? Any downsides?

2. Is there any benefit to integrating? Downsides?

I ask these questions because I have been thinking "If this is all a coping mechanism, no one is getting hurt, and everything is running and functioning smoothly, is there any reason to change the system? Doesn't that mean my system is working?"

3. Children about age 3-4 really trigger me to switch. I usually see and hear what's happening when this particular switch happens, but I am a horrible person to this kid. I just want to know if there is anything I can do to be nicer or more in control, or if anyone has any idea why I might be having this problem.

All of us appreciate answers.

Benefits to co consciousness - with those rare few that I was able to become co conscious with it was easier for me because they were able to communicate their needs.. example with one alter I wasnt co conscious with I never knew what was upsetting her, why she was filled with so much hatred, why she would behave the way she did, why she would get us in some very hard situations, where as an alter I had limited co consciousness with I was able to know why she was the way she was, why she kept hiding things, why she kept taking us to strange places. it was just so much easier to deal with the known vs dealing with the unknown.

for me having very little co consciousness and not knowing things was the downfall.. example it wasn't fun to become aware and discover while you have been dissociated an alter tried suicide.. not fun one second being at a camp ground with friends and what to me felt like the next second becoming aware of the hospital restraints, cameras and nakedness because I was in lock down for suicide..

benefits of integration - my whole life now makes sense, there's no more losing time, no more becoming aware after a switch and finding I have been restrained and locked up on a mental ward, no more bounced bank accounts, no more getting lost, no uncontrollable chaotic life of unpredictability, much more happiness, all my clothes fit me and I don't have to worry about losing my job because of DID issues... gosh I can go on and on with the benefits of how integration made my life better, more stable.

downfalls for me there are no downfalls. I'm very happy I integrated and wouldn't have it any other way.

[likewater]

Im more conscious now. I like it. I feel like i live with family at times but live alone. Can write notes and appts in notebook for
everyone . Communicate a little and lock dangerous ones up. Im more im control i think.

[GypsyRosalie]

Thank you for your replies. I appreciate it. I am working toward co-con with Nina, and I'm trying to communicate with Alex to find out why she hurts me. Do you have any tips for finding out who my other alters are?

Cas