[vincentvega]

Hello all, I've tried to keep this message as short as possible. Please don't hesitate if you have any questions. I'd greatly appreciate advice, tips, guides… any help whatsoever. Thanks.

So here's my background information.
- Throughout teens felt miserable a lot of times, depressed at stages
- Start smoking weed occasionally at 16
- Smoking weed daily at 18/19 years old
- A few weeks before my 20th birthday (I'm smoking loads at this stage) I start feeling bad when I smoke weed, I feel nervous and panicky and I keep thinking I might have a heart attack and other bad thoughts, my heart actually felt weird too, during these weeks. Still enjoyed being high though, just had weird thoughts and that feeling of panic
- On my 20th birthday (September) I smoke and drink loads and end up on my bed with my mind going a million miles an hour, thinking i'm about to have a heart attack - pure panic (luckily I was drunk so I fell asleep quickly)
- Ever since then I've felt different. I started smoking a lot less afterwards, I didn't like it anymore, it made me feel like I wasn't in control and had paranoid thoughts about something going wrong or getting a heart attack.
- Then, one day, I look up my symptoms (racing mind, lack of concentration, constant worrying/feelings of stress, paranoia about what people think, etc)
- I looked up schizophrenia (due to some people claiming marijuana can induce schizophrenia)
- I recognize some of the symptoms (racing thoughts being one of them)
- Spend the next weeks/months scared out of my mind thinking I have schizophrenia. Literally every second of the day I'm scared I'm going to hear a voice or lose my mind or go crazy. I 'scan' everything thats going on in my mind. Every thought, everything I do or say I ask myself "Is this schizophrenia" or "is this one of the symptoms?" Stress levels sky rocket.
- Then, I find out about Anxiety and every symptom I had, was a symptom of anxiety.
- Spend the next weeks calming myself down, convincing myself it's 'only' anxiety and not schizophrenia (still not 100% sure if I actually have anxiety, or any other disease or disorder)
- Read a book on anxiety and the symptoms
- Since then I think of anxiety and its symptoms pretty much non-stop, I analyze pretty much every thought and everything going on in my mind. Although, some days, I wake up and don't think of anxiety for 5, 10 minutes and then when I think of it again it feels like I'm disconnected again and overanalyzing my mind)

So that's everything that's gone on the last 7/8 months. Bare in mind I didn't go to school, didn't have a job in those months so I spent most of the time on my own. I don't have much of a social life or any hobbies. My parents also broke up months before I turned 20, which obviously caused loads of anger, frustration and stress within me.

Now I'll describe what I currently feel like:

I feel disconnected. With my surroundings, with my thoughts and with myself. I don't feel much emotions. It's like I'm going through the motions of life without actually experiencing anything. I don't get excited about things anymore, I don't get the energy or motivation to do things. I have trouble concentrating and thinking clearly. I have racing thoughts once in a while - all these memories, previous conversations, pictures, situations, "voices" (i don't actually hear them), music, thoughts etc going through my mind and I can't really control them when I get them.

The lack of emotions is the worst thing. For example, music used to inspire me and I would feel all these feelings and thoughts stream through my body and mind. Now I don't feel anything. The only thing I think about now is "You used to enjoy this". I just don't feel with it, if that makes sense?

I'm not doing much with my life either, I just sit around all day doing nothing really. I know I should be doing more with my life, and I feel as if I'm letting myself and others down. But I feel like I've been so concentrated on my mental health that I now feel empty and detached. I guess the constant pressure of doing something worthwhile with my life, but not knowing how to or having the motivation or inspiration has a draining effect on me.

So, I hope that made sense, and I hope someone out there can help me out. Please bare in mind I'm extremely sensitive to hearing about mental diseases and disorders. I worry I might have them, it's like I have mental hypochondria. So please, don't tell me I have this or that - I want to know what I can do to get out of this state. Thanks.

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by vincentvega

Hello all, I've tried to keep this message as short as possible. Please don't hesitate if you have any questions. I'd greatly appreciate advice, tips, guides… any help whatsoever. Thanks.

So here's my background information.
- Throughout teens felt miserable a lot of times, depressed at stages
- Start smoking weed occasionally at 16
- Smoking weed daily at 18/19 years old
- A few weeks before my 20th birthday (I'm smoking loads at this stage) I start feeling bad when I smoke weed, I feel nervous and panicky and I keep thinking I might have a heart attack and other bad thoughts, my heart actually felt weird too, during these weeks. Still enjoyed being high though, just had weird thoughts and that feeling of panic
- On my 20th birthday (September) I smoke and drink loads and end up on my bed with my mind going a million miles an hour, thinking i'm about to have a heart attack - pure panic (luckily I was drunk so I fell asleep quickly)
- Ever since then I've felt different. I started smoking a lot less afterwards, I didn't like it anymore, it made me feel like I wasn't in control and had paranoid thoughts about something going wrong or getting a heart attack.
- Then, one day, I look up my symptoms (racing mind, lack of concentration, constant worrying/feelings of stress, paranoia about what people think, etc)
- I looked up schizophrenia (due to some people claiming marijuana can induce schizophrenia)
- I recognize some of the symptoms (racing thoughts being one of them)
- Spend the next weeks/months scared out of my mind thinking I have schizophrenia. Literally every second of the day I'm scared I'm going to hear a voice or lose my mind or go crazy. I 'scan' everything thats going on in my mind. Every thought, everything I do or say I ask myself "Is this schizophrenia" or "is this one of the symptoms?" Stress levels sky rocket.
- Then, I find out about Anxiety and every symptom I had, was a symptom of anxiety.
- Spend the next weeks calming myself down, convincing myself it's 'only' anxiety and not schizophrenia (still not 100% sure if I actually have anxiety, or any other disease or disorder)
- Read a book on anxiety and the symptoms
- Since then I think of anxiety and its symptoms pretty much non-stop, I analyze pretty much every thought and everything going on in my mind. Although, some days, I wake up and don't think of anxiety for 5, 10 minutes and then when I think of it again it feels like I'm disconnected again and overanalyzing my mind)

So that's everything that's gone on the last 7/8 months. Bare in mind I didn't go to school, didn't have a job in those months so I spent most of the time on my own. I don't have much of a social life or any hobbies. My parents also broke up months before I turned 20, which obviously caused loads of anger, frustration and stress within me.

Now I'll describe what I currently feel like:

I feel disconnected. With my surroundings, with my thoughts and with myself. I don't feel much emotions. It's like I'm going through the motions of life without actually experiencing anything. I don't get excited about things anymore, I don't get the energy or motivation to do things. I have trouble concentrating and thinking clearly. I have racing thoughts once in a while - all these memories, previous conversations, pictures, situations, "voices" (i don't actually hear them), music, thoughts etc going through my mind and I can't really control them when I get them.

The lack of emotions is the worst thing. For example, music used to inspire me and I would feel all these feelings and thoughts stream through my body and mind. Now I don't feel anything. The only thing I think about now is "You used to enjoy this". I just don't feel with it, if that makes sense?

I'm not doing much with my life either, I just sit around all day doing nothing really. I know I should be doing more with my life, and I feel as if I'm letting myself and others down. But I feel like I've been so concentrated on my mental health that I now feel empty and detached. I guess the constant pressure of doing something worthwhile with my life, but not knowing how to or having the motivation or inspiration has a draining effect on me.

So, I hope that made sense, and I hope someone out there can help me out. Please bare in mind I'm extremely sensitive to hearing about mental diseases and disorders. I worry I might have them, it's like I have mental hypochondria. So please, don't tell me I have this or that - I want to know what I can do to get out of this state. Thanks.

you dont have to worry about people saying you have this or that mental disorder (or anything else) here because doing that (diagnosing each others problems) is not allowed here.

the only thing we do here is tell each other what our own problems are, tell each other if we have the same problems they have, and what our own doctors have told us it is in our selves.

example I can tell you I have a mental problem, and my doctors call it Dissociative disorders. I can not tell you if you have a dissociative disorder. it is you that must tell us whether you have mental disorders or not.

we can also tell you if something jumps out in your post to us and what we know about it..

example. I see you have quite an experience with doing weed.. I have never done weed but have been in the room with people who do. weed caused me lots of problems including symptoms that are the same as the symptoms with my dissociative disorders..

my doctor told me weed may seem like a good thing at first and is good for those with medical problems that its prescribed for. but like any other drug/medication it can cause a person to have long term problems with the kinds of symptoms you are feeling/having.

so now I stay out of the area where those I know are doing weed, so I dont feel all those drug induced problems like you are having.

the best thing I can tell you is that drug induced mental and physical health problems most times if not always, needs the help of treatment providers like your family doctor, a therapist, a psychiatrist and usually but not always programs like NA, AA and others that deal with substance abuse like alcohol and drugs.

so my suggestion is that if these drug induced problems are affecting you this severely then maybe its time for you to consider contacting a treatment provider and off line services fore substance abuse.

I dont see any substance abuse boards, probably because psych central deals with mental disorders (symptoms caused by having a mental disorder) but maybe someone has one in the social forums, you can check there.

the self diagnosing with schizophrenia - oh please dont do that to your self, it can cause you so much unnecessary stress and pain. suggestion talk with your parents, your family doctor, they can help you get the right services that can diagnose and treat your problems.

I'm not going to tell you to ignore this and go drink some herbal tea, it's nothing, or something. Obviously, I can tell that it's effecting your life. (you're not productive in your life right now). You could talk to your doctor. A lot of people suffer from all kinds of stuff, and it's manageable. So you take the meds, you go to the professionals and you deal with it. I'm sorry you're so upset right now, but the best thing you can do is see your family doctor and explain to him what you've told us.

[Gaberiel]

Best bet is to seek professional help and go from there. If you had this really sore ankle that just wouldn't go away you would see a doctor, right? Same with mental health, when you have persisting issues that affect your life you see a doctor, no shame in making sure you are health.

[GypsyRosalie]

Hey. Are there any other problems that seem unrelated? I think you should write down everything you wrote here, as well as anything else going on in your life that you think is unrelated, and go see your primary care provider. If they don't see an issue with anything, I would suggest asking for a referral to a therapist, psychologist, or psychiatrist. If you go see a mental healthcare provider, it would be beneficial to keep a log of your feelings for a week or from now until you see them, to track your mood and see if there are any outside factors triggering changes.
We wish you the best of luck. If you need any emotional support, we are more than happy to talk.
Nina

[Roseheart101]

Hi,

This is a good place to talk to people, because there are a lot of points of view represented. I just wanted to say . . . take one deep slow breath at a time and put one foot ahead of the other. Be sure to do the simple things, like eating and sleeping. Remember that you are worth taking care of.

I think there is good advice in the postings above about seeking help for your symptoms. It is understandable that you would be upset to be in this situation. But really none of us know exactly what is going on with you and why or how exactly to help you. I don't think you know for sure either. But it won't help you to imagine the worst and assume that is what is happening to you. So again, try to be calm. Keep track of what is happening. Make a list of what is troubling you.

Then get ready to get help. I personally have a lot of resistance to this step. First I write notes that say something like "I will call a doctor." After a week or so, I will ask for a doctor's name or look one up. I will pin up the name on the wall so I can look at it for a week. Then I will get a phone number and plan for a day when I will call them in about another week. Finally the day comes. Sometimes I still don't want to call on that day, so I then reschedule it for another day. Eventually I do it.

It would be so much simpler to just call them to start, but it is too difficult to do it that way. Please give yourself the space to do it the way you can, but do at least make yourself a list of why you should get help.

Hugs to you!

[likewater]

Roseheart! I thought i was the only one that operated like that. :-) it took me months to see a pdoc. Yeah, but (((vincentvega))) it
works and you have the safety of knowing you dont have to do anything before you are ready.

[likewater]

Roseheart! I thought i was the only one that operated like that. :-) it took me months to see a pdoc. Yeah, but (((vincentvega))) it
works and you have the safety of knowing you dont have to do anything before you are ready. And hugs to you.

[Secrets-In-Me]

I, also, experience what you describe on a regular bases as well. I spoke to a doctor about it and she told me that it was just my way of dealing with my anxiety disorder. (Alas, I'm not diagnosing here or anything. Just sharing what my doctor told me.) But then again, due to money issues I had to stop seeing my doctor so I was never fully treated for it. I personally believe that it may be a way or dealing with anxiety or bad experiences. Like you, mine was also brought on by a bad drug use. The only time I've ever felt relief for it was when I went through a bad time in my life and shut down emotional. (IE: Repressing everything. Which is also not a good way to deal with things.) But we are all different and my experience is different from yours and the way I respond to things is different then the way you may respond to things. But if you feel the way I feel on an almost daily bases I would suggest seeking out professional help.

[Roseheart101]

Originally Posted by likewater

Roseheart! I thought i was the only one that operated like that. :-) it took me months to see a pdoc. Yeah, but (((vincentvega))) it
works and you have the safety of knowing you dont have to do anything before you are ready.

Hey Likewater, so nice of you to confide that you have resistance too and you handle like I do. I wonder how many people have to do that?

[GypsyRosalie]

roseheart and likewater, I have tried so many times to get help. Actually, Nina will spout out what I'm thinking and get me wrapped up in something I'm not ready for. She will talk to my PCP and tell him that I need a T or pdoc, but unless everything is done for me, it doesnt happen. I have the name of a doc here, but apparently something happened in the chain of communication and it was broken. When Nina called him about an appointment, he told her he never even received a referral. (She's "told" me these things...) But I'm right there with you in the resistance area. Help is hard to ask for...

Cas