[SongBirdandDaisy]

Not being able to experience emotions is like looking at a blande tv show with no substance . . . . it's empty buckets in the rain . . . . it's oceans with no waves . . . . a summer with no breeze . . . . . .

Have you ever been somewhere and nowhere at the same time? Looked at life and wondered what you are looking at? Sat in the warmth of the sun and couldn't feel it?

T says it's a defense mechanism and not to fight it. It's there for a purpose. I guess I've just gotten too good at it over the years. I've placed everything behind glass walls - bullet proof, sound proof walls. He says it will lift - I wonder. It's been several days. Not that I haven't experienced this before. I have. Maybe it came back because of the death of my friends son. I'm going to go and see her later today and take some things to her. Just stuff that might make things easier. I don't know what else to do. I feel so helpless right now. Out of touch with everything. Blah!

I just needed to vent.

Anne

[wanttoheal]

it's nice to know there is a name for it. i call it numb. i didn't know it was a definable thing. oftentimes i am glad to get to that stage though because in that stage i dont care enough to end my life.

im so sorry you are feeling blah anne. i hope it will pass for you soon. you are a good friend. she will need people, after everyone goes home, after the funeral, when other people can go back to their lives and she is still there daily living without her loved one. she is blessed to have you in her life.

take good care

[SongBirdandDaisy]

Wanttoheal,
I think you're too special to ever leave this world!

[SongBirdandDaisy]

empty buckets in the rain . . . . melting from the pain . . . standing at the rivers edge . . . . wondering why I'm not in bed

(((((Anne)))))
w_i

[SongBirdandDaisy]

White Iris

I thought I was alone in this feeling. Little Annabelle is wandering around wondering where "the nice lady" went. She doesn't "recognize" me when I'm like this. This is tough stuff. You'd think not being able to experience your emotions would be a good thing, but it's almost as bad as being in the pit, except I can get off the couch with anhedonia. I can't with depression, but the pain is the same.
For those of you who haven't experienced it, imagine watching your child accomplish something, like writing his/her name the first time, taking his/her first steps, or showing you an "A" on his report - and not being able to feel the love - the pride- the joy of seing them grow -
It's a very painful place - I'm looking at the world through a glass bubble. And, I know from the past, when the anhedonia breaks, it sucks me down into the pit . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

[mlyn]

you mean like when T ask that I touch his hand? yuk i dont like that but kinda nice. i mean he didnt hert me and that is good. i think

[SongBirdandDaisy]

MLYN

Was your T working on "touch" therapy with you or trying to get you to "feel" his hand? I hear that is supposed to help break the cycle.

Still feel "lifeless as a tree in winter" (an ugly one at that) but . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Anne

I've been there. I didn't know that was what it was called though. I'm hoping at last I might be starting to see the sunshine again.. . trouble is I am afraid to look at it in case it disappears. I remember this feeling - I call it my "scared to be well" feeling. I don't like it but it seems to be a stage I have to go through.

[SongBirdandDaisy]

Caroline

Your warmth and compassion mean the world to me.
Anne

[SongBirdandDaisy]

Caroline

Your warmth and compassion mean the world to me.
Anne