All Of a sudden

Everything doesnt seem as stable ground as it has the last week or so.

I went out for the first time in three weeks today. Well, id been to the store once before but thats just at the end of my small street.

Today I went to the Employment Insurance Office.

It took me this long to work up the courage to go out in public, and I hated every minute of it. The second i left the house I felt like throwing up, was shaking, heart pounding etc.

All the miserable way there and all the miserable way back.

Things have been slipping for me the last couple of days. I think the pit is coming for me, I dunno.

I find myself really often trapped in thought cycles too..

One OCD type thing I do is get stuck on words in my head(our head? I feel like im not recognizing the others enough in this, i suppose it does affect them too) and when I get stuck on a word, ill say it in my head a bunch of times and then define it in my head, and use it in a sentance? Weird stuff.

like thinking cat - A feline animal that is domesticated. Can also mean a feline creature in the wild.
Cat is a noun.

Cat.

The girl sat and stroked her cat, or , the cat played lazily with the string.

And i will get caught in word after word, its like a domino effect.

i dunno. I just feel like something is around the corner and it is inevitable I know, but DAMMIT just when I was doing better.

Rawr.

Rainbowzz,

Well done for actually being able to go out. I know how difficult that can be! Good for you.

I quite often feel dreadful once I've done something different. It's like after-shock.

Getting 'words' stuck in the head. I don't know.

But it could be that one of the children are trying to tell you something.... about a cat???

Hugs

i thought that, but it isint just the word cat.

It can be any word, in any thought i think, and it seems whatever i think about that thought, i seem to get another word from that and then the chain goes on.

does that make sense?

Ive done this for some time never really thought about it until now though.

Rainbowzz,

I know what you mean. I repeat songs in my head, count stuff continuously, stuff like that. It's very aggrivating and occupying - like when I'm supposed to be listening to my therapist. I have to bring myself back to the present.

I also experience a loss of reality or parallel realities i.e.. think I did something, or someone said something, or went some place, or had a conversation, but actually didn't. It's getting worse and a little worrisome. I see pdoc in two weeks, maybe I'll ask him.
Hope things settle for you a little bit. And you ARE brave for getting out. Remember, baby steps are accomplishments too! DON'T FORGET THAT! ( I wasn't yelling - I don't know how to yell)

Songbird

hey thanks!

yeah, i totally feel what you are saying. JUST like me.

I think things happen, and conversations and such all the time too.
Its kind of scary isint it?

You bet it is Rainbowzz! It seems to be getting worse and is starting to worry me. Grounding doesn't even pop into my head because it just happens and I don't know it until someone questions what I had done or said or didn't do or didn't say.
Like, I know I drove the 28 miles to work this morning but only remember the first half. Freaks me out!

Songbird