O this is not very good...

Someone who reminds us of our abuser was being authoritative with us, and then my entire system went whack. Next thing I know my psychiatrist has his hand on my arm and there is blood all over my clothing and me.

I mean basically this man, a caseworker was being authoritative, my little one tried to hide in the corner, he chased us, to continue to be authoritative, then someone else took over who "hurts before anyone else can hurt us" to protect this little one. And then I switched back this tiny little one. I know that she's really really small, because all she wanted was my brother. Two police officers walk in and they were wearing the same uniforms as my brother and she says "do you know my brother" and they say "Jeff" and she says "yes" and they say "do you want him?" and she says "yes I want my big brother".

I was really close to my big brother was I was younger and we haven't been close since, so I think he was confused when I asked him to hold me.

Now I'm sort of ashamed of that.

The ambulance took me to the ER and I had switched back to something normal and I don't even know who I am now. I just know that I'm someone safe. I'm just a little shaken up. I am really worried that I have two parts that are on the rocks now though.

I keep thinking maybe it was a nightmare and maybe I'll wake up soon... but it's not happening...

[anderson]

listening and caring

My team apologized for yesterday so I feel like I need to stop blaming myself so much. I keep getting images in my head of my psychiatrists face. He was terrified. I didn't understand why, but then I think that psychiatrists don't really deal with stuff like that, they spend a lot of time "behind a desk". If you know what I mean. I'm starting to put little pieces together, like his facial expression, and how I got from point A to point B.

[amparker1984]

My heart goes out to you! I hope you can Find some peace.