[Ones44]

I have at least four other personalities... At least thats what I think... I am rarely able to converse with them... Only when I'm half-conscious... I will go ahead and introduce them... I have Rodya, who has many Borderline Traits and has a very bad anxiety problem... There is Raskolnikov, who is almost emotionless, ambitious and compassionless... Dimitri, is extremely depressed... Locke has the heart of a warrior(not necessarily in a good way), but is extremely spiteful... All of those four personalities like different music and etc... All of them also have intense lvs. of murderous hate... I haven't been to a shrink since I was seven I think. Anyways, this is hard to write, because I find it increasingly hard to remember some stuff... umm... basically, I have had these extremely strong feelings of unreality... I sometimes forget that I exist, and will be convinced that I don't exist... Sometimes these feelings bring me to self-harm or suicidal thoughts or actions... I zone out a lot... and I haven't found a grounding method that works... Also, I can't seem to hold on to my memories, in most of my memories, I see myself in the distance, in third person... There is only really one memory that isn't like that... my worst memory... Anyways, I feel like I'm fading... I can't begin to describe the despair I feel... My emotions, my personality, my beliefs, and everything just seems to be constantly shifting beneath me... I'm extremely confused... confused doesn't even begin to understand it... I don't feel like I'm here... I don't remember anything anymore... I don't understand anything anymore... I'm lost... And please don't say anything about doctors, meds, and/or shrinks... or the police for that matter... I have a terrible phobia of them... I feel alone... Only one friend is left... Not sure if I can even call that person a friend though...

[crystal lady]

All I know to say to you right now is that you are not alone. I do not want to say anything about things that are phobias for you. But you will have to face the phobias to get the help you need.

I know about the feeling you describe. I've been there. Most Dissociative Disorder folks have had those experiences.

I have learned to reach out to my alters and validate them for the job they do for me - after all- they came into being to help me. I comfort them, and reassure them. I ask them for assistance when things are too hard for me.

I found out that I have a helper on the inside that I did not know about. Perhaps you could look within and ask for help and see what happens.

I'm thinking of you, and sending you some happy energy. Peace to you.

[Gr3tta]

Welcome! Thanks for sharing. I hope this day will find you feeling better.