SETTING BOUNDARIES?

Dad's are boogers

Thanks for pointing things out . . . . the obvious escapes me sometimes. I think that is because I'm loosing my old defenses and kind of stand in the wild with no gun!

Songbird

got the pm .
this boundry problem will work out.

When it comes down to my boundries vs hurting others feelings I think about that other pserson and what they would want if the situation was reversed. Would they want me trodding all over their boundries? Of course not.. Every human being sets boundries and every human being expects their boundries to be respected and upheld. It is when boundries are broken that the person becomes abusive. For example - the boundry of this is my body and that is your concept. someone over stept thaat boundry and the situation is ethically and legally considered abusive if the advancer does not have personission to do so.

Suggestion read your past posts and pms to people and you will recognise where you have positively set boundries for yourself and you will also see that you are capable of setting your boundries without hurting other people - for instance who you choose to pm and you choose not to. that is one of your boundries. look at how you were able to post to others without overstepping yours, theirs and this sites boundries.

Im sure you will find other situations where you can find that you know how to set and honor yours and others boundries including how you have said no to people without hurting their feelings.

also by comparing posts and pms from when you first came here compared to this situation that has got you stuck. Once you do that you will see what you need to do to take care of why, where and how you are stuck on this issue now.

Also talking with your therapist about the boundries type problems will help you.

Take care

Setting boundaries is one of the easiest things to do, but often difficult to maintain and follow through with, imo. Often we say, well I learned not to do that again...but when the same situation occurs, we dismiss what we learned and try to "do" because someone else is expecting it or such. (This is not referring to the automatic actions from PTSD and triggers.) There are things we can do, indeed NEED to do, to help keep us "safe."

For reading threads on PC, you have three main "static" options. These are built into the site by our favorite webmaster, DocJohn.

<ul type="square">[*]You can place every member who triggers you more often than not, on "ignore." It won't have to be permanent, but I would suggest doing so for at least 2 weeks to see if it helps YOU feel better. You don't have to inform them of the action, either.
[*]You can create a listing...a main page for your own choices... of forums. This way you eliminate entire forums so you don't even see them listed, nor any subject lines, etc. Do this by viewing the entire Directory of Forums (main forum page) and deciding on all the forums you like to read. Then go into each one and at the bottom you have a choice to choose it as a Favorite Forum. Only those that you click and add will show in offering then. This is changeable as you wish, so don't worry that it's permanent. You do also need to select the viewing option of FAVORITE FORUMS in your preferences
[*] If you wish to be even more selective, you can go to the bottom of the threads you like to read and post into. At the bottom of each thread is an option to add it to your favorite thread list. (Favorite Thread! (toggle) ) is what you view. Click on that. Then, in your preferences in your Profile page, select to view that page first (not come into the forums when you log in.) There is a window on your personal profile page that shows your favorite threads. You can work directly from that page, click on your favorite thread, view it, post and return to your profile page to do the next favorite thread.[/list]
The latter won't have the new threads begun, but you can always use your listing of favorite forums to go into those that you wish to read.

I know this isn't addressing the emotional issues of setting boundaries, but it's a start that anyone here can do.

Oh geez whiz, kiddo, you popped a new memory out of my nooks and crannies: your t said about, "Not having to explain yourself" HUH??? Was a brand new concept for one whose childhood included having to explain myself just for being me??-- while being whupped for "it" whatever "it"was about me that had irritated Dad at that particular unexpected moment. (I never did figure out my father's triggers.) He was a bomb always ready to go off......

I recently saw a few episodes of the Simple Life with Paris and Nicole, watching to observe their expectations of the world, figuring Paris is about as far from me as a female could get....... one of the things that hit me was how little accounting she has to do to anybody about anything. Really gave me an angle on the "What the h--- do you think you're doing, you ---------???"(whack whack whack) memories I have to deal with....... interesting intellectual exersize...... but, to tell you the truth, I doubt I will ever get under little Paris' skin.......

well..

Im not sure what appropriate boundaries are.

I don't know what any type of boundaries are

<font color="purple">Hi (((((everyone))))) who is having trouble working out what boundaries are.
We had trouble with this ourselves, & we'd like to offer some song lyrics that helped us understand.

Please don't let this frighten your littles,</font>

"Let me draw the jungle line --
I won't cross yours if you don't cross mine.
Won't make trouble, I don't need no fuss.
But I'm wounded, old & I'm treacherous."

<font color="purple">I would like to change that last word, because I'm not treacherous, but it's a quote & I can't just change it to suit myself.
The thing about drawing the line is essential, & you all have that right, to draw the line yourself.</font>

Boundary: something that marks a limit or border.

I still find it hard to not explain everything to death... I feel that I have to prove everything.... each word...each thing I do... each action I take.....
Lilith

(((((((((((((((((((songbirdanddaisy)))))))))))))))))
I am not a good boundary person. I am glad you are staying cause I think you are very sweet. I too have a difficult time with some of the forums on here so there are days I will spend more time in one then the others depending on how I feel.

My family Dr gave me a tongue depressor and told me to tape a note to it with the single word, "NO", on it. She told me to hold it up when the word wouldn't come out of my mouth. I didn't do it, but I wish I had.

Jan