Strict boundaries versus Fluid boundaries? Your T?

My new T - philosophy:

50 minutes on the nose, out the door one goes! LOL

My old T - philosophy:

Make sure the client is in a safe place, before out the door.

How about your T? Any feelings? I tend to agree with old T. Especially if a client is dissociated or so upset that they are clearly dizzy and altered.

What is the T's responsibility?

i don't know strictly speaking what their professional responsibility is but my T has a minimum of 30 mins between one client and the next...precisely for the reason you said...you can't just push somebody out the door if they're in a bad place...a good T should allow for that in my opinion.

My t is ALL about "fluid" in everything to do with the things that go on in therapy. He's always saying "It's all fluid". Yes, this includes how long the session runs. He NEVER makes me feel like I have to jump up & run in exactly 50min.

In that HBO series, "In Treatment", they show in the background one of those bottles with blue fluid sitting sideways in a stand and the fluid moves back & forth. I keep thinking that I am going to buy him one for his office.

tulips

Yes, my T is very fluid and rarely sticks to the time. He usually starts late and therefore ends late. I never feel shortchanged and always let him do the clock watching. I trust him to end the session when it is right to do so. I actually have no idea if we meet for 50 minutes or 65. My daughter's T, on the other hand, starts and ends precisely on time. One thing my T is very firm on is that he gives himself one day a week off and he is very strict about not scheduling appointments on this day. I think that is great and have no problem with that.

my t is an hour, usally longer if things are rough. tonight was 67 minutes... sometimes it is 75 if i'm in a bad spot. she always starts late with everyone. it is something ii've finally come to accept.

i'm the one time obsessed, always looking at the clock.

I'm not sure the session is all about the "end", I'm sure the whole session builds up to making sure the client will be safe by the end? what do you think?

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Mouse_ said:
I'm not sure the session is all about the "end", I'm sure the whole session builds up to making sure the client will be safe by the end? what do you think?

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Though I am a bit time obsessed and in the past spent too much of my session looking at the clock and worring about how much time was left. I think this is because I was holding back and wasn't sharing what I needed to.

I would hate it if my T frequently started late. I would find it rude and that she didn't realize that my time is valueable. So, even though I'd love for my sessions to run late sometimes, it wouldn't be fair for the person waiting.

My T is an hour. I've never left in a bad place to have to go over that hour. She has clients back to back so it's not easy to run over on time.
If I'm really bad, even when I haven't seen her, she'll let me come in at the end of the day to calm down.

My therapy sessions are 45 minutes long. Occasionally, we go over a few minutes in order to end the sesssion appropriately. If I think I will need more time I have to ask for it, because if we went over then it would negatively impact the next client who is waiting. If I am having a difficult time, T helps to manage the session so that I am in shape to go when it's time. Occasionally, he has offered me to stay in the waiting room if I need, and there have been times when he has told me to just sit with him for a few minutes. It all depends on the session. I know it's hard to anticipate your needs but as you get to know yourself more and more, you will be surprised at how much you can take care of yourself.

I believe T's firm boundaries help me. There were no boundaries in my home growing up so I am in a better position to know myself with boundaries in place than not. In other words, without the boundaries I am more likely to dissociate and float away.

So, sorry Riptide but I think the new T is doing you a better service in the long run. Have faith it will get better!

I go for 1 hour....if we run over, we run over

she only works 3 days a week and always is running behind

im paying for a service(cash) and If feel im getting cheated(time)
you bet I'll let her know

my office is only women T 's , so they have a more relaxed atmosphere than a typical therapy setting...

the only time she kinda pushed me out the door was when I started singing " Your the only woman" by Ambrosia.......yes it really
happened but it had us both laughing

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Mouse_ said:
I'm not sure the session is all about the "end", I'm sure the whole session builds up to making sure the client will be safe by the end? what do you think?

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> I agree. Whatever issue/problem is raised, my T worked in real time to address it and it was my responsibility to learn to do the same.

The thngs my T is strict about:
1. No hugs
2. If I need something, tell him. No ambiguous games or assuming he is a mind reader.
3. If things get too be too overwhelming to tolerate or too unsafe for me, then getting immediate help is in order-- there is no question or argument about that.

Things my T is flexible about:
1. Phone calls. I can call as much as I need to. He has spoken to me on the phone for up to 45 minutes without charging me.
2. Physical contact that is restricted to hand-holding.
3. Letting the session go over if I need it. Not pushing me out the door if I am an emotional mess.
4. Giving me things-- he has given me many books, movies, and CDs to keep.

I am very comfortable with what we have in place. Anythng that comes up in regards to these isses has been, and will always be, discussed in session.

I'm still figuring out mine's. I just finished a session and it went over. I was crying (which I never do) and we were talking about something incredibly difficult and she wanted to make she I was alright. She asked me if I was alright to leave. She gave me a hug, which she always offers. This time it was very comforting but often it's awkward for me.

Mine is a bit of both. Regarding time, he is more strict. He tries to help wind up a session before sending me out. But it rarely is more than fifty minutes before the session is up. In fact, the only time I remember it being more than that is when I was trying to leave because I was angry and he wanted me to stay.

There for a while it was a bit of a problem, because I really was in no shape to drive. He stepped around me once on the stairwell where I had sat on a step to collect myself and asked if I was ok. And afterwards told me I was welcome to sit in the waiting room if I didn't feel I was able to drive home, as long as I didn't disturb the other clients. I was underwhelmed, and continued to do what I normally did. Take a short nap in my car before driving.

He's not terribly good on the phone, and I concluded that he was trained not to be good on the phone so he wouldn't get many calls. So I offered to pay for phone calls longer than five minutes. And I do.

He does give hugs. And accept small token gifts on special occasions. But those are his preexisting boundaries, so I'd say he is firm on that as well.

What I really admire about him is that he doesn't bend his boundaries just because I want him to. Or because I'm upset. Sometimes I convince him that I'm upset for a good reason, and he'll change his behavior. But he'll never change his behavior just because I'm upset.

I like that about him. It makes me feel more trust. I'm not entirely sure why, but it does. It's not that he's stubborn, because if he is convinced I'm right, he will change. But he's firm.

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Dinah said:
He's not terribly good on the phone, and I concluded that he was trained not to be good on the phone so he wouldn't get many calls.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">Hey, do you and I have the same T? I've long suspected his phone dysfunctionality is purposeful, so that his clients won't call him.

lol. And quite effective it is too!

Even now he's genuinely ok with my calling, I still have second and third thoughts about whether it would be useful.

I coach him on what is and isn't useful to say on the phone.

STRICT boundaries definitely. He doesn't give an inch. I hate it and love it at the same time. I can tell he does it because he cares but sometimes wonder if he is stubborn in real life, lol. He deserves a gold medal for putting up with me.

My T is really strict with time, as she sees back to back clients and wants the previous client out of her office (she works from her home) before the next one arrives. Vary rarely she runs late, in which case my session runs late. If we're doing really deep therapy that has me emotionally upset she'll spend the last 10 minutes or so helping me to contain my emotions so that I'm ok to leave.

She's also really strict on no physical contact, which I'm totally fine with, and she does not accept phone calls between sessions unless it's an absolute crisis.

--splitimage

my t does allow me to run over some, but he has only about 10-15 minutes in between. Its partially my responsibility to guide myself. i know i have an hour... and if i have been there a while, well i know i have less than that. i ask sometimes if we have enough time to begin something. Sometimes he says we need to keep a topic for another day. He has not been extremely strict but it's my job to **try** to stay within my time. Things do just happen though.. i wonder what i am supposed to do with things that i know can't be handled within the hour?

he has occasionally spent a fair amount of phone time with me... usually its like 5-10min, but there have been the occasional 20, and like pink 45..

My T seems to follow the time pretty close. He's rarely late and usually ends on time. However, there have been a few times when he went over. I think he would if I were in bad shape, but he usually only has 10 minutes between clients. I can't stand to make people late so it'd be hard for me to go over anyway.

I have no idea whether he has rules on hugs or not as I've never asked him to hug me. He did offer me his hand once which kind of freaked me out. I loved that he did that though.

He has always told me it was fine to call him. When I've left messages he has always returned my call, even on the weekend. He has even told me to call his cellphone if I'm really upset though I've never yet done that.

I worry about crossing people's boundaries. I don't think I would with him & I'm not even really sure where they are! He encourages me to reach out if I need him. I love my T.

Sidony

For many years, I didn't ask for or want hugs. But I would ask to shake his hand every once in a while. He was really great about understanding that that was my way of reaching out, and never made a big deal about it. But neither did he make light of it. He treated it with proper solemnity.

That's what I like best about him.