Host resistence

What is host resistance? How does it manifest itself?
I am trying to work with my t but she thinks the host might actually be resisting. I am the host, I am the one who gets us to therapy, I am the one who believes we need to integrate so we can feel at the same time we experience living. Something we don't do now. Everyone seems to understand and agree with what we are doing. I am trying to figure out what host resistance looks and feels like. There is a discussion I had with my t today about having my alters feel what each other feels.
I don't understand how to do that. When John (who is afraid) is in executive control he makes the decisions. He like almost all my parts don't talk to each other. They will talk to me and someone else might hear them and respond to me. But they don't talk to each other. They are aware of each other they just talk to me. There are three others that are fully functional in the world and they talk to each other. Most often they do not talk to me. I am aware of them and they are aware of me.
So if my fearful part is feeling fear I am somehow expected to have him also feel happiness. But the one who feels happiness already does that. What am I supposed to be doing? John's job is to feel fear and he presents that way. My happy one feels happy and inquisitive. That is who she is. I don't know if I have explained it well. I am just hoping someone will let me know what they felt when their host was resistant. My internal belief is that when my parts are no longer required to do their specific job separate from the original, they will integrate and all the feelings will be there to be felt.

here "host is resisant" means the same thing as saying the client is non compliant in therapy... the client doesnt want to do what the therapist is suggesting, the client doesnt want to do DBT, the client doesnt want to do grounding, the client doesnt want to do... what ever the treatment plan is.

to break it down further...

here ****Host**** means the person in which all the alters reside..
here resistant means not wanting to do something.

in general terms some commonly known situations that use the same type of terms...

resisting arrest.. the person is not doing what the police want them to do.
resisting temptation with a chocolate cake...the person is avoiding, fighting and not doing what they are tempted by the chocolate...

so if you dont want to be "host Resistant" here it means you stop fighting and comply with your treatment plans.

other locations and treatment providers may mean something different...the best way to know what your treatment provider meant is to ask them.

[quote=amandalouise;2551889]here "host is resisant" means the same thing as saying the client is non compliant in therapy... the client doesnt want to do what the therapist is suggesting, the client doesnt want to do DBT, the client doesnt want to do grounding, the client doesnt want to do... what ever the treatment plan is.

to break it down further...

here ****Host**** means the person in which all the alters reside..
here resistant means not wanting to do something.

in general terms some commonly known situations that use the same type of terms...

resisting arrest.. the person is not doing what the police want them to do.
resisting temptation with a chocolate cake...the person is avoiding, fighting and not doing what they are tempted by the chocolate...

so if you dont want to be "host Resistant" here it means you stop fighting and comply with your treatment plans.

other locations and treatment providers may mean something different...the best way to know what your treatment provider meant is to ask them.[/quote

I am trying to figure out if I am the host. I refer to myself as the host because I am the one that gets us to therapy. The issue we are having in therapy right now is having my sad one feel my happy ones feeling of being happy. I don't know how to do that. If my sad one is in control he has to step back to let my happy one come out. They can not both have executive control at the same time. I have tried to map this out in my head but I can't see how to make that happen. I don't feel like I am intentionally resisting I just can't understand how to do that. I have explained this to my t but I am not sure she fully understands what I am talking about. There are alters who are stronger than me. We talk but they don't have to do anything I ask. They decide for themselves. I am more like the voice of reason. So if someone is doing something that is bad for the system I will say something but it is up to them to stop. Is that what a host is like? What does a host usually do? I am asking because if I am not the host I will need to find out who is and see if they will talk with me. I recently found a group in the system that I didn't know was there. It upset me in the beginning but we began to communicate and things are ok between us. So my thought is that maybe there are others I am unaware of. Thanks for the help

[QUOTE=Claritytoo;2554843]DID theres just some things that are automatically known by the person with DID and their alters.. one of those things that is automatically known is who is the host and who are the alters..

If thats what you do as host then thats what you do. we can not tell you what you being a host should be like..

all we can do is tell you what our own system was like and everyones system of host and alters is different...As host ..no i did not tell my alters what they could and could not do. as host all I did was shared my body with those in my head and dissociate when ever something triggered me. my alters had their own jobs/purpose/reasons for being that was separate from me.

mapping...Im going to be blunt here...I read your post above and past posts, you know a lot about your alters, who does what and when and all kinds of other stuff ...just in this post alone you have mapped your system for me by telling about the sad one, the happy one, the strong ones, some do things you dont want them to do...

I can see why your therapist is saying you are resistant. if you are doing the same thing you do here on psych central...telling us about you and your alters, "mapping" should not be as hard as you are making it out to be. you know a lot about your alters, you just need to put it down on paper. how you do that is up to you. there is no one way to put down in tangible form what you know about your alters. you do it here on psych central when you post.

my suggestion stop trying to make this assignment harder then it is, just write out what you know about your alters., if need be go back and reread all your posts that talk about things you and your alters do, problems you have with your alters, ...then write it out using what ever mapping technique your therapist wants you to use.

[quote=amandalouise;2555688]I have a lot of co consciousnesses with the alters I know about. I am trying to figure out how I can do what my t has asked. She wants my alters that hold a feeling to also feel what the other alters feel. I have been trying to figure out how that can happen. That is what I was referring to when I said mapping. I appreciate your explanation of a host. I am not the original but I do keep things organized. So I guess that could make me the host, but I have never really been certain.

i think i have "alters"

[QUOTE=Claritytoo;2556305]you might want to contact your t and have her clarify what she wants you to do. the reason i say this is because here where I live and work mapping is a completely different thing then developing co consciousness.

here where I live and work..

mapping is making a list, chart, diary/journal about things like..

what your alters names are
what your alters jobs are
what your alters likes are
what your alters do for you and your system.

developing coconsciousness is

working on ways to share the same information and feelings between alters and host, alters to alters..

example I made a flow chart for my mapping of my system....

Amandalouise -------> amanda
/ /
Rainy--------->Sunny Louise

Aware self amandalouise when sad I switch into Rainy when happy I switch from Rainy to Sunny

Aware self Amandalouise switch into amanda when cautious, swith from amanda to louise when in panic

thats mapping here where I am - showing how my internal system works.

developing coconsciousness well my therapist and I had a hard time with this because my alters were so categorical, most we could not find any way to share information feelings... and what have you. with those we did we did so by journaling, writing to my alters and their writing back to me, my using grounding so that I could remain aware at the same time as the alters were taking over which resulted in my feeling the same things the alters did.

as for getting my alters to be co conscious (know and share info and feelings) with other alters that happened on its own through therapy as the alters felt I and each other were able to handle those feelings, traumas, memories they were shared and felt among the others, it was just a natural process of what happened with me, it wasnt forced or something I worked at doing. As I healed so did the alters.

alter vs host here where I live and work, if you are not the original, you are an alter not a host. talk with your treatment provider they can explain in more detail what a host is and what an alter is and which you are.

[quote=amandalouise;2556646]Thanks you.

My alters say i am not the original, but i am the current host. My T has no objections. Acutally, for me, there is a front group who manage the life. I think i carry the body and am the one who's supposed to be seen and forget things. But my Protectors have told T and me that i am only the front alter because they allow it.

I think all systems are different. There was no book to tell us how and how not to. My T says every system develops the way it should be for the person. There will be similarities but there will also be differences.

I read where in some systems there is no host but a group of alters could act as host, switching places as needs warrant.

BTW, i'm from NY state.

That is an interesting thought. My alters do switch when the situation calls for it. They come and go at will as long as they don't put the body in trouble. As long as no one will notice. If someone notices a difference in presentation I step in and sort it out and get us back on track. So people at work know me to be one way, my family know me to be another way and my friends no me to be another way. In fact I have different groups of friends who each understand me to be a certain way. I almost never have all my friends in the same place because I don't know how to be. It's like worlds colliding. Needless to say I don't have many barbeques. My t responded to an email I sent her today about this subject. She explained that an alter can be the host if the original has gone away. I don't know who the original is. That is something I would like to know. So for now I am most likely the host. And that is fine. I do wonder where I will go when the original returns. I suppose I should start giving that some thought. I know I will go in but I don't know where I will fit in. We all have to fit. That's why we are in therapy.