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#1
May 24, 2006, 03:35 PM
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I'm feeling really bad today.
I was accused of doing something that I didn't do, and although the thing itself isn't a major thing it has brought up some issues for me. My abusers often blamed me for things I didn't do so they would have more excuses to abuse me. In fact, everything was always my fault. It was my fault for being born. I was always the scapegoat. It was my fault they hit be and beat me. It was my fault that they did other bad things to me. If they started to feel guilt they hit me more because everything was my fault. If they harmed my pets or the other things I loved, it was my fault because I was a bad evil little girl. I "asked for it". I'm tired of everyone thinking I am responsible. I am trying to teach myself and t is helping, that I wasn't a bad little girl, and everything is not my fault. I have to watch myself that I don't blurt out "I'm sorry" for things that have nothing to do with me. That was always my automatic response because I thought that it wouldn't be so bad if I said I was sorry for daddy and the others doing the bad things to me. It never made things better, and I wont say it anymore. I will not be the scapegoat any longer.
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#2
May 24, 2006, 03:39 PM
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(((((((((((((( Gemstone )))))))))))))))
(I relate to a lot of this  ) 
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#3
May 24, 2006, 09:03 PM
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((((((((((((((Gemstone)))))))))))))) You're right; you do not need to be the scapegoat for anything. I am sorry that someone is trying to make you feel guilty. I am so happy to hear that you recognize what is happening and are taking steps to take care of yourself.
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#4
May 24, 2006, 09:54 PM
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(((Gemstone)))
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#5
May 25, 2006, 02:21 AM
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........you were definately not bad Gemstone. Adults are supposed to look after and nuture children.......you were a child, it was not your fault - they need to carry and own that not you.
I understand how it feels to be blamed for alot of things. Abusers always use things like blame because it gives them more power. .......reclaim your inner strength
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'To know ourselves is to know who we were, but who we are or who we might become is never certain.' - Deena Metzger - American Writer (b.1936) |
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#6
May 25, 2006, 05:30 AM
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Your story sounds familiar and I'm glad that you are not going to "be the scapegoat" any longer! You are way to special for that!
It's hard to remember that it was not our fault. That we didn't ask for it. But, it sounds like you have that thought firmly planted in your head - that it's not your fault. Keep up the good work! Self-care is the ticket! Hugs, Songbird
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 "It is good to have an end to journey toward, but it is the journey that matters in the end.
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#7
May 25, 2006, 09:49 AM
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I was accused of doing something that I didn't do, and although the thing itself isn't a major thing it has brought up some issues for me.
That fact that you are able to recognize how the past triggers the present is huge. Now if the person who accused you of something would stop and think about why they reacted that way... ((( all my gemstones )))
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#8
May 25, 2006, 10:15 AM
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{{{{ All of you }}}}}}
Thank you for reading this. For a long time I felt like I was not getting anywhere in therapy (and in life). I'm starting to feel like I am making small steps now, but its really hard.
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#9
May 25, 2006, 10:30 AM
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{{{{{{{{{{Gemstone}}}}}}}}}} You are not bad..... What people did to you was bad.....Take Good Care of Yourself......
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#10
May 25, 2006, 12:22 PM
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"Abusers always use things like blame because it gives them more power"
"....... reclaim your inner strength" Very well put stormgirl, thank you  ((((((((((((( Gemstone )))))))))))))
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#11
May 25, 2006, 05:41 PM
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yes, this is something thats really hard for me too.Really hard. I instantly beleive everything must be my fault somehow and I will draw up the most ridiculous ideas about why that is.
sorry you are feeling yucky and AWESOME that you will not be the scapegoat anymore!I am "RAWR"ing for you! 
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#12
May 27, 2006, 11:36 AM
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Gem,
I never seem to know whats going on. But im thinking of you and hope it gets a bit better. Its horrible when you get accused of something when you are innocent. (((((((((((((((((((GEM))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
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 good things come to those who wait, and wait and wait |
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#13
May 27, 2006, 10:39 PM
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(((((((((((((((( Gem ))))))))))))))))
Safe, warm hugs, Jan
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I still dream and I still hope, therefore I can take what comes today. Jan is in Lothlorien reading 'neath a mallorn tree. My avatar and signature were created for my use only and may not be copied or used by anyone else. |
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#14
May 30, 2006, 12:35 AM
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{{{{{Gemstones}}}}} None of us were bad little girls  That's just what all our abusers want  They want us to blame ourselves, not them   We have to learn that, IT WAS NEVER OUR FAULT, NOT ANY OF US Congratulations on deciding never to be the scapegoat again  
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 ZORAH
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