[Miswimmy1]

I posted this in the therapy forum too... so sry if this is the second time you've seen this.

So I talked to t on the phone this morning. She asked how last night was. To be honest, it wasn't pretty. I got really angry and wrecked the room I was in. I was so upset and I fell asleep in the middle of it all. When I woke up, I told t that I didn't remember really doing that; that I couldn't believe it was me. The room literally looks like a drunk person with a pair of scissors ran through the house. Magazines and books are shredded. Pillows are ruined. Stuffing is eveywhere. I remember being so angry and cutting things, but... T said "oh really? hmm.." when I told her that I didn't really remember it. It's a blur. Is that "hmm" a bad thing? Was I possiblely dissociated? Or was I just so mad that I wasn't paying attention and thats why I don't remember?

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by Miswimmy1

I posted this in the therapy forum too... so sry if this is the second time you've seen this.

So I talked to t on the phone this morning. She asked how last night was. To be honest, it wasn't pretty. I got really angry and wrecked the room I was in. I was so upset and I fell asleep in the middle of it all. When I woke up, I told t that I didn't remember really doing that; that I couldn't believe it was me. The room literally looks like a drunk person with a pair of scissors ran through the house. Magazines and books are shredded. Pillows are ruined. Stuffing is eveywhere. I remember being so angry and cutting things, but... T said "oh really? hmm.." when I told her that I didn't really remember it. It's a blur. Is that "hmm" a bad thing? Was I possiblely dissociated? Or was I just so mad that I wasn't paying attention and thats why I don't remember?

only you and your treatment providers can say whether this was dissociating or an anger issue for you..

here where I live and work (NY, USA) no this would not be considered a dissociative problem. around here exploding in anger is called "aggression / anger / rage " which are emotions and sometimes people express their emotions in explosive ways..

there is a saying around here where I live and work "Im so angry I see red" and Im so angry I black out" "Im so angry I dont remember what I do"

Again only you and your treatment providers can say whether this was dissociation or out of control anger issues with in you.

suggestions..

here in the city there are a few places that deal with anger issues like this, one is the domestic violence office, social services, AA, NA and here at the crisis center where we deal with a lot of people who get so angry they strike out at others and objects.

maybe where you are they have the same type of set up that you can look into. your therapist may know of services like domestic violence, crisis centers, anger control classes.. your social services departments that deal with adult protective services, child protection services may also know of classes and services that can help you to gain control over your anger issues

[Miswimmy1]

I don't have "anger issues". This has never happened to me before. I have nvr been that out of control. It scares me.

[Sila]

You also went cold turkey on your meds dear. Most meds have side effects if you've been taking them for a long time and suddenly stop. Zoning out or not remembering what happened can be one. My bf (not on any meds) after his grandpa died once tore up an entire roll of paper towels for absolutely no logical reason he could find. He wasn't even aware that he did it until he saw the mess a few minutes afterwards, on top of his stuff. Strong emotions can do a lot of things to a person, even without adding meds or possible side effects/withdrawls to the mix. Call your pdoc and your T and discuss it with them.

p.s: Totally not trying to be condescending by calling you 'dear' just so ya know! ♥ I care.

[Miswimmy1]

Not condescending at all I actually like it. The only other person who calls me things like this is t

[cryingoutloud1]

sounds like an anger issue to me.

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by Miswimmy1

I don't have "anger issues". This has never happened to me before. I have nvr been that out of control. It scares me.

in your first post you asked

Originally Posted by Miswimmy1

Was I possiblely dissociated? Or was I just so mad that I wasn't paying attention and thats why I don't remember?

here we are not allowed to tell members what their problems are called. doing so is called making a diagnosis. so in my post I told you, what these same symptoms you are having is called... anger issues.. in my own location. I wasnt saying you have anger issues.

one thing about anger issues is that there is no one way to have them and anger to major extremes isnt something that is always there in a persons life, for some yea you can predict they are going to have problems with controlling their anger as an adult if their childhood is full of destruction of property, but most if not all people anger is an emotions that just comes upon a person according to whats going on in their life, some people can control it, others cant and some people its like "the last straw" they are able to control how they express their anger in positive ways until finally one day there comes along that one situation that breaks their control and they lash out in negative ways.

example a person who has never in their whole life exploded in anger can one day in their adult life suddenly be so angry at their boss, wife, children, their life what ever and express that anger in smashing personal belongings, or punching people or objects, or any number of ways to express that anger in negative ways..

I never had that kind of anger situation until after a work related trauma. I never smashed anything, I never punched any one, never hit out in anger, not even at my own abusers.. then one day a victim died at the hands of her abuser in front of me. first I went through shock, grief for my victim. then one day my wife came in to the house expecting a hug and kiss how was your day and that one little thing a dropped book happened, I dropped the book I was carrying from one room to the next and I lost it, literally tore the house apart, throwing things, smashing things, ripped up pictures, clothing, on and on I went until all I could do was sit on the floor and cry. my wife comes out of the bathroom and took me in her arms and said "bout time you deal with all that bottled up anger issues huh" she held me while I cried, then she said "so what are you going to wear to work tomorrow your birthday suit?" she helped me clean up the place and we went shopping to replace some of the much needed items that I had distroyed and also bought some things that I could use while dealing with my anger issues with the work related trauma. then we redecorated one of the basement rooms so that when I needed to deal with my anger issues I had a safe place to do so with things I could safely destroy, punch, kick, hit, scream at, what ever..

here where I live and work in NY, USA when a person expresses their anger in a negative way its called "having anger issues" "having a problem with anger", other words for expressing anger in negative ways here where I live and work is called being "aggressive," "having a temper tantrum." "being out of control" "outraged" and if it happened while driving here where I live and work its called "road rage"

only you can say whether you were so angry about something that you were "out of control," or so angry about something that you were " having a temper tantrum" , "outraged" , "acting aggressively", "having an anger issue"

suggestion now that you know somewhere inside of you, there is this explosive situation happening, maybe you can set up a safe place in your home where you cal let go.