[Claritytoo]

I have been asking the others to let me see what happened to me. For the longest time I was told that I wasn't ready. About two month ago I have started having dreams that look and feel real. I am little and being hurt by someone I know. The other day, at bed time, I started feeling fear, A gripping mortal fear, I could not get away from it, and I was terrified by it. I got up out of bed. put on the lights, took medication, went on the computer and stayed awake until I fell asleep. If I can not be still in my fear I will never know what happened. I need to know to be able to feel my life. I don't know what to do. I don't know if I am supposed to let the fear consume and than leave on it's own or if I am supposed to fight the fear. No one is telling me what I should do. If anyone has had a similar experience and wouldn't mind sharing how you pushed past the fear. I know this is a personal question so if no one responds I understand. I am just trying to figure out what to do.

[avlady]

Originally Posted by Claritytoo

I have been asking the others to let me see what happened to me. For the longest time I was told that I wasn't ready. About two month ago I have started having dreams that look and feel real. I am little and being hurt by someone I know. The other day, at bed time, I started feeling fear, A gripping mortal fear, I could not get away from it, and I was terrified by it. I got up out of bed. put on the lights, took medication, went on the computer and stayed awake until I fell asleep. If I can not be still in my fear I will never know what happened. I need to know to be able to feel my life. I don't know what to do. I don't know if I am supposed to let the fear consume and than leave on it's own or if I am supposed to fight the fear. No one is telling me what I should do. If anyone has had a similar experience and wouldn't mind sharing how you pushed past the fear. I know this is a personal question so if no one responds I understand. I am just trying to figure out what to do.

I get those feelings too especially at night. I don't know what to do either and it isso bad withme I can't tell real life from dream world I have to wake upp in the morning and ask myself did or could that have happned. I try to rationalize it and I know aftert thinking about it it could not be true

[Claritytoo]

Originally Posted by avlady

I get those feelings too especially at night. I don't know what to do either and it isso bad withme I can't tell real life from dream world I have to wake upp in the morning and ask myself did or could that have happned. I try to rationalize it and I know aftert thinking about it it could not be true

I will bolt out of bed with my hart pounding and my mind racing. The feeling of fear is relentless. I can't get away from it because the fear is from with in me and it feels like it will never end. I know I am not dreaming. I know I am terrified. I just don't know why. I know what it is like to be afraid of an attacking dog. But that has an expected end. This fear has no visible end, it is pure fear. But I believe behind this fear is what I am trying to know. I just need a way of dealing with this fear that will allow me to push through it. I can't ground myself because when I do I am pulled back or someone pulls away. I don't think the answer is grounding. I think I am supposed to push through the fear but I am overcome by it and run away. I am trying to figure out how to stay there face the feelings of fear and push my mind past it. Into what it is I need to know. I want to know so I can let it go.

[darkpurplesecrets]

((((Clarity))))

I just wanted to validate how you feel and what you are experiencing. You are not alone. I too understand and have been going through it lately. The fear is gripping and real terror, one that has no words and often has only flashes and bits of pieces that somehow is known someplace deep but yet leaves one terrified of what all lies within that place.

Feeling small, the pain that is there, and the pull of terror that is there keeps one unable to grasp today, and it does feel like there is no end. Even though it is not happening right then it feels as though it is, and at that moment it seems nothing is safe, and it is often not only one's self feeling that fear, but many within as it feels it is filtering through unknown to anyone outside of one's self, but you can feel that fear as if it is growing closer to yourself with each breathe taken; sometimes becoming one with that breathe another breathed for you. It is as if coming out from the frames that I hid between and often becoming to myself for the first time ever to know what it was I went away from.

For myself, I know that the way through it is to talk about it, to not hold it inside, but to find a way to get it out. Sometimes writing it out helps, and yes, I do believe that grounding one's self in the present is important, not easy at the moment, but important. For us having things that have come from the present that was not there in the past (our angel stone, doll, etc), a safe person now in a picture or something written by them to hold onto, our grounding box, our safe corner, allowing the little's to color or draw....slowly helps to come out of that place.

It will come when you are ready to face it and accept it, and sometimes it does not come all at once. Sometimes fighting it for myself makes it worse, but I think often that comes from what we always did. That feeling of running and getting out is real, I do validate that for you. But truth is where ever we run it is still going to be there until we face it. Remember to breathe. It is not easy, but we made it through the time when it really happened, we can make it through it now. I really validate how you feel and I do understand at least in what it is for myself. Just know that you are not alone.

I really hope that this does not sound as though I do not get it or that it is easy. It is anything but easy. My mind is struggling to get out words, and I feel inadequate in what I am trying to say. Just know that you are being heard, validated, and you are cared about. Please keep posting and reaching out. Hugs if okay.

dps

[Claritytoo]

Originally Posted by darkpurplesecrets

((((Clarity))))

I just wanted to validate how you feel and what you are experiencing. You are not alone. I too understand and have been going through it lately. The fear is gripping and real terror, one that has no words and often has only flashes and bits of pieces that somehow is known someplace deep but yet leaves one terrified of what all lies within that place.

Feeling small, the pain that is there, and the pull of terror that is there keeps one unable to grasp today, and it does feel like there is no end. Even though it is not happening right then it feels as though it is, and at that moment it seems nothing is safe, and it is often not only one's self feeling that fear, but many within as it feels it is filtering through unknown to anyone outside of one's self, but you can feel that fear as if it is growing closer to yourself with each breathe taken; sometimes becoming one with that breathe another breathed for you. It is as if coming out from the frames that I hid between and often becoming to myself for the first time ever to know what it was I went away from.

For myself, I know that the way through it is to talk about it, to not hold it inside, but to find a way to get it out. Sometimes writing it out helps, and yes, I do believe that grounding one's self in the present is important, not easy at the moment, but important. For us having things that have come from the present that was not there in the past (our angel stone, doll, etc), a safe person now in a picture or something written by them to hold onto, our grounding box, our safe corner, allowing the little's to color or draw....slowly helps to come out of that place.

It will come when you are ready to face it and accept it, and sometimes it does not come all at once. Sometimes fighting it for myself makes it worse, but I think often that comes from what we always did. That feeling of running and getting out is real, I do validate that for you. But truth is where ever we run it is still going to be there until we face it. Remember to breathe. It is not easy, but we made it through the time when it really happened, we can make it through it now. I really validate how you feel and I do understand at least in what it is for myself. Just know that you are not alone.

I really hope that this does not sound as though I do not get it or that it is easy. It is anything but easy. My mind is struggling to get out words, and I feel inadequate in what I am trying to say. Just know that you are being heard, validated, and you are cared about. Please keep posting and reaching out. Hugs if okay.

dps

Thank you for your kindness. I think part of asking this question was to find validation, to know that this experience is familiar in DID. I emailed my t some dreams I have had in the last two months. She will want to discuss them. I will if I can. I think the discussing of these dreams might help me when the fear takes hold of me. I think the more I am able to say out loud bad things that feel like memories the easier it will be for me to let go of the fear. Without the fear the memories have no power.

[Claritytoo]

Does anyone know how to have two alters in executive control at the same time? Is that possible? I need to talk to someone but when I show up they leave. In fact everyone goes into the back ground. So I can talk to them but I can't talk with them. I do have discussions in my head but I want to be able to talk to someone when they are in executive control and having a bad experience. Does anyone know what I am talking about. I am a little ****ed up right now. I just got home from session and I am a little ****ed up from session. Sorry for the language.

[Claritytoo]

what do you do when you get lost in your mind? when nothing is real. It's all in my mind and right now i can't get out.