So, the other night, I took my sleeping meds, and I guess I dissociated. I say that because I don't remember a whole lot.

I must have forgot I took the first two pills which I normally take, because the next day there was four gone. I remember sitting here at about seven am before that and I couldn't sleep.

The next thing I remember is walking in the door and my boyfriend being like, where the heck were you - I have no idea. I vaguely remember going for a walk, but it seems dreamlike and unreal. I had two window screens, a broken skateboard and a weird lamp cover. No idea where they came from.

Flash again, and I dont remember anything. I guess according to shawn I walked up to our room and immediately started acting really young. Started painting a picture on the computer of a cat and a stick man, and when he asked me who it was I guess I said "me and dharma" which is one of my cats. I guess I didn't say too much, and then I went to sleep.

This scared the bejeesus out of me. I've dissociated manys a time, but never left the house before in the wee hours like that. Im almost wondering if I should put an extra keylock on the door from the inside, just in case.

On top of that Im crankycrankycranky, I have way too much headchatter, and I feel like I can't get a break.

oh, and I should add - I had another appointment with my pdoc on monday, and I spaced and didn't remember until today.

oh pet.

Im so sick of being sick.

I wish i could just make it through a week of work without feeling like I want to hide. I wish i could wake up and feel ok.

I think i need a mental health break.

[January]

(((((((((( Rainbowzz ))))))))))))

Hugs,

Jan

[Evangelista]

((((Rainbowzz)))))

Sorry you are in such pain...be gentle with yourself(s)..

[Mahali]

Extra lock may be good idea. Could b/f keep key where you couldn't get to it?

That's what Im thinking place.


I hate the thought of having to lock myself in, but I mean, I literally have no idea where I was or what I did during the time I was out. Came home soaked too I guess it was pouring rain out.

(((((((((((Rainbowzz))))))))))

My dissociating happens no matter where I am and so on. Ive been known to move to complete other states (geographically) when dissociated, More than once woke up to a {"mr skuzzbucket" next to me in bed, found cigarettes when I don't smoke, I can start out going to bed and wake up in front of the TV. or wake up a week later standing at the train station watching the trains pass by, Just the other night I became aware while in Mcdonalds with a friend,

The way I handle this is keep a back pack with extra money for taxi and phone and or bus pass so I can get home from where ever I end up unexpectedly. I also keep with me at all times my Declairation for Mental Health care form because it has everything on it - contact info for my best friend, family physician and therapist, medications when needed, and my medical and mental health history. Worse case scenerio I end up in the local ER not able to talk and they see the paper and they call my friend.

the head chatter - I take care of that by looking around and matching what the words are to what is in my present life then I do something with that trigger and the chatter stops.

Hang in there

Thanks myself.

Yup, thats pretty much exactly what happened. I suppose you are most likely right. Its most likely happened many times, I think just shawn asking me where I had been jolted me into reality a bit harder than normal.

hanging! Doing not so great today but things are looking up. Def a good idea myself on the carrying round declaration - I never even thought of that. I suppose if someone found me in another state or alter and didnt know, they probably wouldnt have a clue what to do with me.

you're welcome

I never thought about carrying around ID and stuff either becuase it was always happening so it just was normal. But then SKR and I were talking about how I end up other places sometimes when Im out biking she got concerned that one of these times I'd end up in the ER and not being able to tell them what was going on they might admit me to the mental health unit if for anything but the obsservation time period. That did it I started keeping a notebook in my backpack with my name, address and any other information I could think of. Then my therapy agency was having their clients either fill out a Declairation for mental health treatment form or sign a weiver that they didn't want one on file. I filled that thing out and it is a permanent thing in my backpack sealed in a baggie so that it doesn't get torn and so on. Now I don't have to worry about it. it definately makes getting lost or ending up at other places much easier.

Sorry you are having a bad day ((((((((((Rainbowzz)))))))