I'm not sure what my problem (dx) is so I thought I'd get your opinion. It’s a bit difficult to explain but…..I feel like I have different ways of relating to myself and the world that are linked different points in my life. The functional me is acting most of the time. I am always multitasking and getting things done. Its like maybe having a whole box of cassette tapes, each with their various sounds and they can play together and the volumes can be adjusted as needed at different times. The functional tape is going most of the time during the day at school. Sometimes thought there is a low hum of another tape pressing through but usually never becomes the dominant sound during the day. For each tape, I can place an age on it that would reflect me, but its more tied to emotion or a dominant thinking pattern.

When I get home, usually I’m trying to keep the functional tape still playing, but the DJ of sorts (which is just my way of saying there is inner control) turns up the sounds on the other tapes and the functional tape gets turned down a bit. Sometimes its dueling for which is going to be "louder", but its all controlled in sorts. Let me preface this with… I don't lose time. I don't use diff voices or anything ). The only thing different is how I relate to myself and others... its just sorta a perception on life? I really don’t know of a way to explain it well so that it sounds right, so bear with me. For instance when I go to bed, sometimes there is one that doesn't like sleeping in my bed, but likes sleeping on the floor, in a corner or in the closet. Yes, I’m an adult; I know its weird, and normally I don’t even if I get that infrequent urge. But there is a fight to ignore the volume of the tape but occasionally I give in, turn my sound down, and relate to the world with this fear and helplessness.

Does anyone relate to this or can explain this?

[Fuzzybear]

I sort of relate, and I can't explain it. I certainly relate to the fear and helplessness and the different tapes, the helpless tape wins sometimes

Take care,
Fuzzy

Is it that you hear a constant chatter of bits and pieces of this and that running through your head all day all night?
Sometimes louder than other? Sometimes not making any sense?

Could be acute anxiety related to your PTSD.

As far as the other issue goes, it just might be your ego states.

Parent is our 'Taught' concept of life
Adult is our 'Thought' concept of life
Child is our 'Felt' concept of life

Click here for info...

Just my thoughts, not sure really.

Edited to add something

this is what LL was talking to me about one time. back a few months ago her co workers thought they could butt in and tell her what she should be doing with me and she should be forcing me to gofaster on my rather large art therapy project of the scale model house of the house I grew up in. anyway in some of the journal writing I let her see I was responding to what I was writing I was not dissociating just normal self talk and had wrote a sentence - "great that was really stupid". The week before she had asked me if I "dialogue". I thought she was referring to my holding conversations like saying - hi mary how are you? and mary replying ok and you? fine what are we going to do today? so I told her no I hear the voices but I SKR taught me how to stop them by looking for the triggers and using grounding techniques and so on. She said that wasn't what she meant. and we could talk about that later cause we had to schedule our next appointment. the session when she saw my journal writing and my poem about what her co workers were doing, she pointed to that sentence where I had wrote - great that was stupid. and told me that was what she mean't by dialog. I laughed and told her yea I talk to myself thinking about what I am doing when and so on and that in anger management class and depression management class we worked on "self talk and how to change the negative self talk to the positives in the self talking of self parenting vs fast thinking on everything vs self talking talking from anger and so on at ourself" she told me you got it and laughed when I told her how we were given an assignemnt of writing down three positves for every negative self talk during the 18 weeks the classes were in session so now it is automatic for me to change my self talk to positives when I think - now that was really stupid. She also said having this kind of self talking going on in a persons head is actually normal and everyone does it some more then others. she also said she was going to change from using the word "dialogue" to using the words "talking to yourself" and "self talk" because I had pointed out the difference with hearing the voices vs self talk and that they were two different things.

thanks everyone. im not even sure that i described it well.. maybe it doesnt make any sense because when i shared it with my T.. i don't htink she quite understood either. i dunno. Its not a talking to myself type thing. and its not reliving scripts from my parents really either. I don't know what it is. possibly ego states as you guys brought up before. I think im a oddity. dang it. it would be nice to finally understand what this is.

[Rhapsody]

Hang in there................ the answer will come in time.

LoVe,
Rhapsody - ((( hugs )))

thanks.

anyone else have this happen with a dx? I just feel like I don't fit in anywhere. Its like im suffering but theres no support group for me to find a home. I guess more frustrating is i dont feel understood.

I think having trying to stick with a Dx makes things more confusing.

The "letters and numbers" (to me) tend to put us in a category when in fact, we're all a little bit of this and a little bit of that.

Sure, as far as professionals go, that's neccessary for treament plans and meds etc. but to fit us square pegs into round holes, it shouldn't matter if we're ABCD or EFG...we're just people who have a myriad of issues looking for someone, anyone to understand.

Sometimes it's enough to know there are other square pegs out there.

I understand the confusion, EV. I really do.

Maybe we could try to be satisfied being a bowl of alphabet soup.

PS--You could try an Eating Disorders group, a Survivors of Abuse group, and Anxiety group etc...there are bound to be people there that are going through the same things and feeling like they don't fit.

[inpieces]

Hey....I like your use of music and tapes playing as an aid for the rest of us to understand your inner world....I hear what you are saying about how you experience yourself in the world using different relating styles and preferences in so far as those things you can choose for yourself--who likes to sleep in the bed, etc.--I don't really lose time either....time is just an uneven experience...not linear and flowing the same way at any given moment.....
Using your music and DJ metaphor....I often think about what goes on in my head as two (or more) radio stations competing for the same frequency!!! Lots of noise and not much clarity!!!
I'm new....that's my two cents...I look forward to meeting everybody, though....Take Care....
--Angie--

thanks angie... and welcome to the forum!

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Petunia said:
PS--You could try an Eating Disorders group, a Survivors of Abuse group, and Anxiety group etc...there are bound to be people there that are going through the same things and feeling like they don't fit.

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yeah.. true.. maybe ill find a home there. thanks petunia

You could always take your wings and wand and come visit me in the garden.

awww thanks

[woundedhearts]

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Petunia said:
You could always take your wings and wand and come visit me in the garden.

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Awww how sweet.

[OneAndMany]

I've been debating whether to post this or not, but you did ask this question in the DD forum.

To me, it sounds somewhat like co-conscious DID. I know that you said you don't lose time or use different voices. Have you ever lost time or have big holes in your memories? Using a different voice is more the Hollywood version of DID. Often the DID system will attempt to make switching as unnoticeable to others as possible, which includes keeping the voice the same. A person can be co-conscious without knowing what is going on and without going through any therapy yet. I was a clueless co-conscious host for the past 16 years.

It is just a thought. I would not want to suggest to you that you have DID if you don't think that is true.

Elizabeth

i dont know.. i just dont know. i just know i don't lose time or the functioning in my body,, but like im moved to the back. and a different part (although still me) is moved to the front.

[wanttoheal]

(((((((((esthersvirtue)))))))) I don't have answers, but I just wanted you to know I am listening and care. I hope you are able to sort things out soon.