[BENNY]

hi,
i'm having a hard time dealing with every. my heal is on the fritz. so i feel like i'm a burden on my husband. they think i ruptured a cervical disk in my neck. all i know is it hurts real bad. i feel like i'm just a problem.

i'm still getting memories back. some aren't too bad. it's mostly my 5yr. little showing me what she liked to do when i was little. like wrestling, women roller derby, etc.... i had no idea i was so violent when i was a child? it's hard for me to believe, but i know she's telling the truth. i don't know what she's trying to tell me.

my mom is in a nursing home (a good one) with alzhiemers. i don't want her to worry, but i'm just not able to see her. i feel guilty about that.

there tiggers around me all the time. i'm seeing a t and wonder if i should deal with now. but feel if i don't, it would get worse not better.

i keep dissociating, and can't stay in the now. i don't know what to do about it, or if theres anything i can do.i can't find interest in anything.i can't bond with, or trust anybody.(except you guys) feels like i'm just existing because i can't face what is infront of me on the outside. you guys are the only people that would understand. do you have any suggestions? is this normal? ( don't worry about me doing anything to hurt myself. it;s not on the menu.)

benny

((( BENNY )))

Sounds like you have a lot going on.

Have you talked to hubby about feeling like you are a burden? I think if you could get that cleared up you would feel a bit better.

How about grounding techniques? Do you have any in place? If not, at the top of the PTSD Forum there is a list (scroll down a bit) of things to help keep you in the "here and now."

Try to take it slow and easy. This is a tough time of year for all and maybe just the added stress is fueling the fire.

Take care,

Petunia

[January]

(((((((((((((( Benny )))))))))))))

I hope things are better soon.

Hugs,

Jan

[bipolar_bear]

((((((((((((Benny)))))))))))))))) I am so sorry things are so hard. I have no answers but am here for you. I have come to the conclusion that there really is no normal so I don't think I would let that worry you. Please take care of you.

[BENNY]

thanks to you all!

i tried talking to hubby, your right, it did make me feel better.
he said he loved me (even the quirky parts) and jt was ok. i almost cried. i think it has brought us closer. thank you so much!

i'm trying to ground myself, i think with time i'll get the hang of it. great advice you all.

thanks and happy holidays!
benny

[catcoon]

((((Benny))))
Sorry you're having such a rough time! I'm glad though that your husband told you he loved you! That's always good to hear!
Sorry your neck is hurting! Hope it feels better soon!
Take care, peace!

Cat

[princess0974]

you can make it..sometimes i feel the same..i dont know maybe Natalia can help me...

[nothemama8]

always remember you have us and everyone in this forum has helped us soooo much
Love
Angie