T doesn't believe in DID

So, a little while ago I was hospitalized because I turned up at the ER and didn't know who I was or anything about myself. The pdoc actually had to read to me what I had told the ER when I turned up.

He diagnosed me with PTSD with a dissociative disorder. My previous T had said the same thing. My current T suggested that I should go to a neurologist and the neurologist said had I considered DID. I also hear voices and sense other specific "characters" are around me. They don't have names but I know them. I tell my t its like falling asleep on the subway. I can hear other people talking around me.

Also, when I turned up to the ER the case worker reported that I was a totally different person. She reported that she thought I was in my late teens and I'm actually in my late twenties.

My current T does not believe in DID and I'm not totally convinced that I have it. She is great with PTSD and anxiety though.

Would that matter to you?

It would matter to me. If I was seeing someone that didn't believe DID exists, then it would cause me a lot of issues. I already have to talk to many people who don't believe a person can have alters, and when I tell them that I do, it gets really frustrating. If I didn't believe DID was possible, it wouldn't bother me. But if I am on the fence about it being a possibility for me, I woulnd't want to see someone who didn't believe in it helping me out, as I would feel that their answer will not be based on facts, but already made up before starting to look into it.

Because you say she's good with the ptsd and anxiety, it would make it more difficult. If it were me and I were comfortable with it, I'd ask her what about it she didn't believe, and what her thoughts were on cases that have been diganosed. There are many different levels of belief when it comes to dissociation, as well as different levels of the dissociation itself. Nothing is ever black and white, either/or. It would be important to me that she be willing to have an open mind if I were to keep workign with her. Is finding someone else for the dissociation issues, while still seeing her, and option? That might be a route to go. Or looking for a second opinion. You should never feel pressured or guilty by a health professional for seeking a second opinion.

good luck with it
IJ

Thanks for your comments, they really help.

She believes that it is all suggested by the t and the pdoc. So, patients just think that they have it. She did take the time to look it up, but I think that was just for show. I do have the number of another t who specializes in it, and I never thought of going to both. I could bring it up.

I feel embarrassed about talking about these other people. I feel like she thinks that I am fooling myself, but to me they feel really real. Then I question myself. I don't know if I do have this or something else, like psychosis or something. IDK.

I don't think it affects my life as much as the ptsd and anxiety does it's just a little unnerving. The lost time is the worst thing. I would just like some support for that aspect of it. It's scary and she has a tendency to minimize it.

Sometimes it may take time before individuals can accept a diagnoses. Doctors can get it wrong or right. Maybe fore the moment you could just ask your t not to say certain things because you feel like you are being dismissed. No-body likes issues to be dismissed or minimalised.

It always important to feel heard. Do what feels right for you. I have been in therapy for some time and T's have changed as I have changed. It's never been a race to the finish.

This is me. You have just described my whole therapy experience. Even my T commented that she has never had someone who moved so fast through therapy. I need to slow down and breath, not bash straight through this.

Thanks that's great advice.

When your T said she has never had some-one move so fast through therapy.... does that mean you are fixed? If you are fixed then great. Personally therapy for the bigger issues really isn't a 100 yard dash. It is more of a journey. You are not trying to beat a clock. If you are trying to beat the clock then maybe ask yourself why.

Take care and a packed lunch for the journey.

No, not fixed not yet. I think therapy happens in stages. I moved through the first one quite quickly. I went from being a clam to talking about everything and had a bit of an emotional fallout because of it.

I think I'm very dissatisfied with myself right now and I want to change really badly. I'm quite impatient about it. It's how I approach most things and it is definitely something I should look at. I've spoken to my T about it a little bit.

As for the DID issue, I think at some point I should focus on it. But there are more urgent issues. I think I will find a specialist once I've put them to bed.

It would bother me, yeah. But it would also bother me if someone was pushing DID on me, because that's happened. The fact that it was your neurologist who said that is telling to me, because I've been seeing a neurologist to see if my dissociations are a form of epilepsy, or at least part of them are. My T agrees which is frustrating because then I feel like she's not listening to the triggers surrounding it.

I don't think you're aloud to see to T's are you? I know I wasn't really, and had to get special permission from both of them, because one was teaching me something super specific and the other just doing general talk therapy. Otherwise there's a conflict of interest and two people telling you two different things. For me this would help, but for most people it's confusing and would just make it worse.

Good luck on your journey gypsysummer

Switch, Thanks for your input. I would probably finish up with the first T and then see a specialist. My neurologist thought that I had epilepsy too and then we ruled that out.

I'm glad my T doesn't push the diagnosis on me. The first T I saw was very dedicated to the idea and I was uncomfortable with that. My current T is very cautious of that attitude. She did encourage me to research other cases to see if there were similarities.

I think if I was very committed to the diagnosis my T would entertain that but I don't want to look for something that is perhaps not there.

The only way it is affecting my life right now is the lost time, hearing voices, and a substantial change in my mood or "personality". None of these things are of immediate concern. I have significant anxiety which is much more of a problem right now. Once that has calmed down I will bring this other stuff up again. My T would probably suggest a specialist if she doesn't know how to deal with it.

The way my T explained it is that because of the PTSD there are a lot of emotions being released and these "people" are like external hard drives. The each store particular emotions. Hopefully once those are resolved they might go away.

A while back though, I did have two that were very destructive and they were causing a lot of problems. Hopefully they have calmed down for good.

I don't know if that is DID or just PTSD. They are fully formed people, there are six, some have told me their names. I can draw a picture of what they look like and I know their voices when they speak to each other. When one is around I act differently. When the younger one is around people usually ask if I am ok because I look "terrified". I went through some diaries from when I was younger and I talk about them like they are real people.

Is that DID? I have no idea.

Maybe worth getting a formal diagnosis?

I can't say unless I saw you I guess… and had a med degree lol. But I know that I personally show signs of DID but don't actually have it. My dx is DD NOS like DID.

I get what you said about the anxiety. That's why I left my old T as well- he wanted to focus on the personalities coming out and I wanted to learn how to get the hell out of my front door without crying. Deal with the anxiety and trauma, and I think in a way you will be dealing with the dissociations at the same time.

I find I dissociate when I'm stressed and anxious. They are related. Also don't try and deal with root issues until you find some relief in your current life.

Thanks for the help.

After I'd written "is this DID?" I regretted it. Of course you can't tell me. I wasn't thinking.

Switch - I totally get what you are saying about anxiety. I have the same view, deal with the anxiety and hopefully everything else will fall into place.

I've been diagnosed with teh same as switch, basically. The T I work with is doing EMDR with me, the long 8 phase process meant to deal with complex traumas. The biggest focus on doing it is creating stability so that we can work on the earlier stuff. If things come up from the past that affect my daily life we will work on it, but it's basically how to process the anxiety. By doing this, I've noticed a LOT less switching, and much more stabilization. He also encourages me to talk to them when I can hear them, and wait to hear the answer. At the start it was difficult, but once they've noticed that I've heard the issues that upset them, they calm down to let me deal, which lets me work as an adult, instead of a terrified child.
Most people would never know when I switch, but they do always think when my youngest is out that I'm really upset about something, and about to cry, as her voice is a bit higher, and she's much more hypervigilant, so I know how you feel about people always asking if you're okay.
xo,
IJ

Innocentjoy - thanks so much! That really helped.

My therapist also told me to talk to the voices but sometimes I have a hard time focusing. She recommended meditation.

I share a lot of the same 'symptoms' as you described. It's always odd to hear someone else has had the same experiences.

No one notices mine too much. Except for the younger one. She seems similar to yours.

It was weird for me to be diagnosed with having alters, especially because I dont' fit the actual DID diagnosis, and had no idea about the entire dissociative spectrum. Now I think that it only makes sense that a lot of people would be 'in the middle' like I seem to be. I'm glad what I wrote helped you out.

I ended up working with my alters (I prefer to call them parts actually, because it feels more like they are a part of me than that it's either me or them out) and coming up with names for them. It is easier for me with the way my therapy is going right now. And having them with names makes them feel validated, and allows me to have more compassion for their thoughts, behaviours and emotions for some reason. Everyone has their own way of dealing, I guess.
The whole reason for them being created was so that I could function in life without people knowing, so it makes sense that no one noticed them or knew about them until I worked with someone who has experience with dissociative disorders.

Good luck with therapy!!
xoxo
IJ

My first T didn't believe in any diagnoses even depression she annoyed me so much. So my second T is the one who diagnosed me with DID. I'm so thankful to her eternally.

It sounds like DID.

Maybe you could get a neuro-psych test to get a more objective diagnosis, or if anything, to rule out other causes? These are done by specialized psychologists who do comprehensive interviewing and collect quantitative metrics to assess you. I'm not sure how much this procedure is warranted to determine whether or not someone has DID, but they often have the most expertise when it comes to finding the cause(s) of cognitive issues. In addition to mental disorders, they can detect things like heavy metal poisoning, memory problems, sensory dysfunction, TBI, etc., and can spend at least 4 hours testing you.

It sounds like your neurologist ruled out neurological problems, but a neuropsych assessment can help rule out other things or get you an accurate diagnosis. I'd be especially concerned about your visit to the ER, and the propensity of that happening in the future.

I'm not sure what the controversy is with this diagnosis. If you (or through others) perceive that you have different personalities, then you have different personalities. Just like if someone with psychosis sees and hears things that others cannot perceive, then they have psychosis.

I have DID, but not to the extent that you do, although I'm not so sure and am often uneasy about it. There has been several times where I "turned into" an 11 year old girl, observed myself talking, behaving, thinking and feeling like I was 11, with absolutely no control over it. I'd get in these states for hours. There are other things..The stuff that has come out is not scary (some of it has actually been pleasant), but it makes me wonder what else there is that I am unaware of. It has been really distressing at times because I sometimes think that I am in another semi-permanent "state", but I am so unsure of myself. I feel that I have totally changed my personality several times in my life. I have severe memory problems, and since therapy, it seems to be more memory retrieval issues than other types of memory. My last T said I have "splits". That's an old-fashioned way to refer to it I guess.

Anyway, it's different for everyone. Does it matter to you if your T does not think you have DID? My concern for you would be the occurrence of future episodes that impair your functioning if it is not presently adequately addressed. I really know what you mean about feeling so unsure.

Autumn Skies - thanks for the advice. I was hoping for a neurological issue but the neurologist counted that out. I will look into the assessment though.

If this is DID it's really hard to get a handle on the reality of it. The memory issues make it hard to remember how I felt at certain times. Also, if I feel one way it's really hard to visualize feeling any other way. For instance, if one day I have one set of morals, I can never imagine having a different opinion. Then the next day I may have a totally different set of beliefs. So I just think well maybe yesterday I was confused. It's very disorientating.

Actually life in general is extremely disorienting.

I always thought that people with DID have very distinct personalities like Sybil. I'm not like that. I don't one day wake up with a different accent or language. I'm starting to learn that maybe that isn't so accurate. However, I don't mean to discredit anyone else's experiences.

I think my T and I need to have a serious conversation about functioning because whatever this is, it's becoming unbearable and the more I become aware of it, the worse it gets.

I can relate to the mood memory stuff. If I'm happy I can't seem to remember any bad times, and if I'm sad, angry, depressed, scared, etc. it's the same thing.

When I was diagnosed I thought the same about what DID actually was: distinct alters with different names (to the world), accents, etc. I figured it would have been obvious. Then I started learning about it and it started to make sense how I fit in with this. It's not an all or nothing disorder, there are so many levels to it. As well, a lot of peoples systems are set up so that no one finds out that they are functioning as different alters at different times. My system was set up because I wasn't allowed/able to feel different emotions (fear, anger, hostility, etc) and so my alters developed to feel those feelings for me. It's a different, separated part of my brain (dissociated from other parts) doing this, just as in other cases, a person might have a more distinct alter than emotional/cognitive differences.

I'm glad you're planning on talking to your t. It might be good to have a lot of examples written down when you go in, or even write a letter beforehand so that you remember what you want to say. I find if I can come up with specific examples of how something is negatively affecting me the person I'm talking to takes me more seriously than if I'm just "complaining" (which is what it feels like they think I'm doing sometimes).

Ex. if I'm not sleeping, my life is horrible. So many other people complain about sleeping but it's not so negative for them. For me, I can't have stable emotions, I switch a lot more, I can't concentrate, I get restless legs syndrome, I get depressed and start to wonder what's the point,e tc. These are all examples of how it affects me and when I go into the details, the dr is more willing to say "yes, we need to work on this" .

Hope it goes well for you!
xo,
IJ