[Faith_walk]

I'm curious what you guys would make of this.

I was talking to my sister-in-law about what my counselor and I have been discussing and telling her about how I'm realizing I'm dissociating.

She said to me that she has known I've done that for a really long time. She used to work for me. She said I'd be having a conversation with her and at the same time doing something else. Later on she'd ask me something and I wouldn't remember the conversation. The few times she mentioned it I got really mad so she stopped doing that. She'd just repeat the information.

Is this related to dissociation do you think or just a sign that I am doing two things at once?

I'm going to bring this up with my counselor also but he's gone this week.

[Perna]

I think it's all about concentration, where your head is at. We can't really do two things at once, can only concentrate on one thing at a time, people who are "multi-tasking" successfully are actually sequentially tasking :-) Everyone dissociates; I think of all the times I've driven to/from work and can't remember the drive or when I've gotten "lost" reading or "brooding" to music :-) and hours have passed, etc. So, what your sister-in-law experienced from you could be either one, your just paying more attention to what you were doing than what she was saying or you dissociating. I still remember the time I was driving home from therapy and totally missed my exit on the freeway and almost panicked when I realized it, had to figure out another way home from "scratch" and quickly (as the other exits I could choose were coming up and I needed to review which would be "best" and get in the correct lane at the right time during rush hour).

[Faith_walk]

Hmmm. . . OK you may have a point there. I do know that when I'm doing two things at once I have this distinct feeling (as I'm sure most do!) that one is more important and the other is just bugging me. LOL

Just like when I was in labor and I was nicely zoned out and the nurse would ask me a question. I'm like. . . I'm concentrating on that painting across the room, could you maybe GO AWAY!

[Perna]

I think dissociation is a continuum. One end has "normal" people thinking about something else as they drive to work and the other end has those with Dissociative Identity Disorder. But there's all sorts of room inbetween :-)

[Faith_walk]

Yeah I have a feeling I'm somewhere in between. Nobody would ever call me "normal" LOL

See the thing is I've never even thought about my "zoning out" as a bad thing. I always thought it was a very good tool until my counselor brought it up. Now people like my SIL and DH are mentioning that they notice it and sometimes I'm really not "all there" so it's just a question of if that is really a 'PROBLEM' or not.

All I know is that I have always felt like something is not OK and whatever it takes to figure out how to feel better I'm all for it. I don't care what we call it, I just want to feel like I'm handling things better. Panic attacks and insomnia and constant chatter and obsessions in my head are on the verge of making me bonkers this year.

It could go both ways. normal people do talk and do activities and work at the same time -

For example

someone takes notes while talking in a meeting
a parent is bathing one child while directing the other child how to dress themselves
a parent cooking dinner while helping a child do their homework
someone usting their house while their best friend is sitting at the table having coffee

It is completely normal for people to be doing one thing and talking on a completely different subject and in doing so does not always remember what was said during the conversation.

and it could also be a part of dissociating since having memory loss and time loss is some of the criteria for a person with dissociative disorders.

The way a professional in the field of DID explained it to me is that it falls into the dissociative catagory if there was something upsetting and triggering about the conversation that made the person need to mentally escape the conversation for example the person starts feeling attached by the person or they are having the conversation with, the topic of conversation is causing the person to feel panicy.

Dissociation beyond the normal level is using daydreaming (imagry and relaxation techniques) mentally escape a situation in which the person percieves as being a danger to them.

[Faith_walk]

OK that makes sense. I think in the case my sister in law is talking about, I just get busy concentrating on something like bookkeeping and she's asking me a quick question about something and I answer it because it's a simple question and don't give it another thought. Then later I'm like. . .oh I don't remember what were you asking me?

One thing weird about her is that if something is not her experience, she assumes it's abnormal. Which, is really annoying. She assumes her reality is THE only way. I have never met a person with a lower ability to put herself in someone else's shoes. Actually if you want to talk about triggering or stress. . . man I could write a novel. I do care about her and she and I are really close but there are very many times that she makes me feel like she thinks she's perfect. Very annoying.

On the other hand a few weeks ago I was running a booth at our fall festival and was feeling really panicky so I just decided I'd get through it. My pastor came across the room and was trying to get my attention but I didn't notice him until he was almost in my face going HELLLOOOOO and waving his hand back and forth. Of course I was also trying Zoloft and Xanax that week so who knows.

Again thanks guys. You're really helping me a lot.

I still don't know about that feeling I get with someone else inside me reaching out to me. . . trying to get me to help them. It's spooky. Also once when I tried Prozac several years ago I had this dream that this "inner child" got mad at me for trying to do counseling and meds and she jumped out of me and ran to the kitchen to get a knife to hurt me. I woke up freaking out and was afraid to go back to sleep!

I know it was just a dream but heck. . .the thought had to come from somewhere. After that I ditched the whole "inner child" counseling for several years until just this month with my new counselor.

I appreciate you guys humoring me with all my questions.

I'm completely amazed at the unique ways we all find to cope in life. It just shows how strong we are, doesn't it? And creative!

I had horrible hallucinations and nightmares while on prozac too. Mine weren't people jumping out of me. Mine were things like seeing shadows, insects, snakes and so on. Yuck. Im told this is normal for medications in the prozac group for some people and this medication isn't for everyone. The dosage must be right on, in some cases dietary restrictions apply like no cafiene and so on and the person must be monitored closely for the first few months to make sure the medication is right for them. I have also been told that the type of hallucinations that people have on prozac are usually specific to what that person fears because if the medication is not right it basically creates anxiety and panic in the person. A person has anxiety and panic in part because of their fears. I told the psychiatrist I didn't care what was behind my hallucinations, nightmares and more than usual abnormal behaviours, I was NOT going back on prozac.

Yup sisters can at times be like that.

Hang in there

[Faith_walk]

I have decided that unless I somehow become suicidal or start having hallucinations or some other serious issues, I'm not going on medication for my anxiety and panic. I just can't get past the side effects. I made it 5 days on the Zoloft, but once I increased it I couldn't eat. It made me nauseated and jumpy. I'm thinkin' "why do you give this to someone that has anxiety when it makes that worse?" but I know for some it does help.

I have issues with eating anyway. If I'm nervous I have to force myself to eat. It's not that I have a problem thinking I'm too heavy, I just feel like I'll be sick if I eat.

My daughter (who is 7) saw me in the shower yesterday and said "mommy, you need to EAT, your bones are showing!" and I had a doctor ask me if I'm anorexic once. I told him I'm not doing it on purpose. I think some of it may have to do with the fact that the only time I was in the room with my mean stepfather was for dinner. The rest of the time I had to stay in my room. Great association there huh?

[kimmydawn]

Hi, faith and welcome

I think it might be a bit of both?

For instance, if you're a dissociator, you may get soooo wrapped up in the one thing that you begin to dissociate, missing convo's, etc.

I so know what you mean, though, because I'm the same way.

Glad you're here and good to meet you.

KD