Only Today

Hi, I have been reading these forums for years and with great pride have found myself among what I might refer to myself as maybe a success story after years of PTSD therapy with the same therapist we had started to refer to a complete human being. I had never had even the most remote posibility of an alter until the last two day when I started losing time and started knowing about Catherine. She had returned calls for me cancelled apointments for event gave hell to someone for me because she believed that person had let me down although I wasn't aware of that at all. I am completely confussed. This is not a part of my therapy at all and I am not even sure I haven't been sleepwalking. But it is so sereal that when other's around me had this encounter with Cathernine they were so sure of her solid identity that it must be so! She seems to be protecting me. I have recently had many stressors that normally I would have been able to handle by my mother one of my abusers well let's just say there is a chance that she will be entering my life again after I had done such good work to keep her at bay. let me say again.. my work never included Dissociative Disorder at all. The only experiences I had were the feeling of leaving the body as a small child and they were few and fare between. I am truly lost here.. Any help would be most appreciated...

Hi there and welcome! It's good to have you here, though I'm sorry that there are major stressors in life right now.

The therapist that you did all the great work with, etc? Is he/she still available to you? If so, please give a call and see if you can get back in. If not, can you call and interview some therapists to see if any specialize in trauma/abuse, PTSD and dissociation?

It really sounds like you need to have someone available to you right now.

We're here also!

Again, welcome.

KD

Thank you for the warm welcome. I do have access my therapist and an appointment tomorrow. But I feel completely turned around! I went from feeling almost healed to not knowing anything about this piece of me! I went to sleep because I was feeling so stressed and when I woke up, I was wearing different clothing and I was receiving calls from people very upset with "Catherine" for "speeking to them in such a manner" and yet I hadn't left the house or made any calls. I had slept for 5 hours or so I thought. I was wearing different clothing and the car was in a different local and the house was in a shambles.. but I am sure I was sleeping. Why wouldn't I have seen sighs of her before. In 12 years of therapy where was she. Oh and by the way one of the people who she had pissed off was my therapists assistant (a very sweet person who I get along very well with). "Catherine" told Cindy that she could cancel my appointment for tomorrow since he (the therapist )was ovbiously not aware at what was going on - after all those years she (I) had worked with him if he (the therepist) did not see how shacky she (I) was well then he (the therapist) just wasn't doing his job and she (I) didn't need his help. Cindy didn't recognize "Catherine's" voice and didn't know if I had a sister or a close friend so she did not cancel the appointment and called me back. I assurred her I would be at tomorrow's appointment but I was in shock at how brash this "Catherine" was in her defense of me. Catherine was my grandmother's name but she was really a sweet mostly kind person.. I really don't know this Catherine person.... this is really upsetting....

Hi Marian,

Welcome to PC. I am so sorry you are going through this most upsetting time. I don't have any answers for you, but Kimmy has given you some great advice. Work with your therapist.

I wish you the very best,

January

I saw Therapist.. apparently it isn't the first time HE has met Catherine.. many years ago he had a conversation with someone who didn't identify herself but he was sure it wasn't the one he usually spoke with. Apparently she was the one who protected me... I protected all the other kids in the family but once in a while when it seemed the stress was just too much there was someone around who would jump in and protect me.. that was the part of me who was Catherine.. I am amazed! But apparently Catherine isn't really very intrusive - but the stress lately has just been too much.. so Catherine thought I needed a bit of help.. now the job will be to convince her that I will be able to manage on my own.. with her in her righful place inside ! She can help - she is after all part of me but she just can't take over.. wow.. Thanks all for ypur help!

You might want to talk with your therapist and family physician about this.

from what I know from many professionals in the field of Dissociative Identity Disorder the losing time and having alters does not suddenly appear as an adult. (By the way you can find a big part of my research information in the resource thread that is pinned to the subject index of the dissociative disorders message board)

DID begins in childhood and carries over into adult hood so all the symptoms of having DID - time loss, hearing voices and finding evidence (writing drawing new things appearing losing items and so on) begin and stay with the person who has DID and the symptoms have been going on since the first alter was created in childhood. Which is also one of the criteria that professionals use in differentiating between DID and other mental health disorders.

for example -

Schizophrenia on the other hand the person percieves hearing voices and alters and so on at any point childhood or adulthood.

Also sometimes people with borderline personality Disorder, bipolar disorder depression and many other mental health problems can cause memory loss, halucinations, percieving mood swings as different parts and so on. With these the problems come on suddenly too.

Medical problems can also cause the symptoms that you are discribing for example a person with a tumor sometimes experience memory problems with includes not remembering what you did at such and such a time. mood swings sometimes percieved as different parts. Sleep depravation can cause these same type of symptoms as can certain chemical imballances, and with medical problems the symptoms suddenly appear.

Since what you are experiencing has not been always happening to you my suggestion is schedule and appointment with your family physician and therapist.

You physician can schedule or refer you for testing of cat scans, physicals, blood tests, and so on to help rule out or in medical problems that may be affecting you.

Your therapist can refer you to a psychologist and or psychiatrist for a diagnostic test called Comprehensive Psychological Evaluation with suplimental testing for DID so that you will know for sure what is going on with you and which mental disorder you have of all the ones that have these type of symptoms that you are discribing.

OOPS just noticed you have posted today that you saw your therapist. Glad to know she now knows what is going on with you. Hang in there.

Thanks Myself.. it was so "new" I would have been ready for an MRI myself except for the reassurance of the Therapist.. although he is suggesting that medical testing be done "just in case" something else is going on too. So I am relieved and shocked at the same time. I will be looking at your message board and I thank you for your information. It does appear that this presentation has been around since childhood. In my case the presentation of an altar is rare rather than common or perhaps it is just more congruent with the rest of my personality? I don't know but it is a new area for me. So thank you and I will be studying your board.

You're welcome.

And I have DID. My blog also has alot of information. some of the entries are now open and some are still password protected because I am doing some work updating editing and so on to them but here is a link to how to find the members blogs and so on.

Please remember that what is on my blog is - MY - experiences with having DID and - MY - therapy program that I am on for - MY - and - MY - research about DID that has been a part of my therapy program.

If you don't fit everything that you read on my blog that is ok. I don't experct everyone to be like me.

Hang in there.

http://myself.psychcentral.net/2006/...ate-the-blogs/

For thopse that don't like seeing links and not knowing what is under them before clicking on them the link goes to my blog and this specific entry -

How to locate the blogs
Sounds rediculas that I am writing an entry within my blog about how to locate the blogs but many times on the public boards I get asked how to locate my blog. Or tell people that they can find my experience with their problem in my blog then I have to type an explaination on how to locate the blogs. So why not have an entry that I can link to those asking for how to find my information and blog right and want and need my information and experiences right. So here we are by opening this link you have found my blog. By clicking on the letterhead (words at the top of the page in the blue area) will get you to my main page. There you will see on the right a blue link that says blog index. by clicking on that you can now read each of my blog entries by what you want to read about.

To find the other members blogs click on the letterhead at the top of this page.

Click on the blue link that Psych central has preinstalled on my blog called - Psych Central.

Click on the word - Blogs

Click on the words - find your own

Then click on the blog of your choice.

And happy reading.

new changes can be scary, can't they? Remember that you have supports and even if this is what is happening to you, you don't have to look at it totally negatively or positivly. It simply is a part of you.

Try to take one step at a time, dont let yourself get overwhelmed. Perhaps you could leave a journal lying around with catherines name on it so she could write? It has worked for me and others in this situation but again as myself said its hard to say if that is what is truly going on without some digging.

I send my care.

)))))))))))) ) Marian1 (((( ( ((((( folks here understand. It's very cool.

Hi Marian1,
I'm glad you have a therapist to help you through. I'm sorry it's so tough right now. Best of luck to you as you continue on your healing journey.

Welcome Marian1. I am sorry that you are having a hard time right now but am glad you have a T that seems to understand.

Thank you all so much for your support. I am feeling a lot better. Just knowing that this is "ok". That this is not "crazy" is less stressful. I haven't seen or heard from "Catherine" since, but at some level the knowing that Catherine exists is comforting. The idea that a part of me was there to stand up for me is soothing. So perhaps that is all she wanted me to know. For now.. that I need to take care of myself too. I don't think I would have too much trouble accepting a part of myself that looks out for me.. I just want her to understand that I got it.. I get it .. I can handle it.. but perhaps that is exactly what got me into this mess - I need to understand there are times I can't handle it all - alone.

Thanks again everyone for all your help... It's good to have a place like this to turn too...