Over the hill, through the gully, and in the muck

Well to give a little update about us and what's going on here.

We are truly ducking the ball and chain there. It has truly been stressfull for us. Bless my support group in RL and my T. She has been great. They both have.

First off, a few months back...can't remember the day, month, just know it was several months back with my doctors incident and all the stuff that took off from that and the words cancer was spoken. Thankfully it was just a dumb quack that is in deep horse pucky to put it nicely. I've been dealing a great deal with female doctors. So many test and stuff and ready to send me to the looney bin. Having psychiatrist appointment in the middle of it all. She had given me some Xanax to help me with the appointments. Some of my health problems is due to PCOS. Been trying to deal with that. Deal with stuff that I need to do to fix it or make it better. Then dealing with other things on top of it.

Well this past week I had an appointment with my psychiatrist. Been dealing with not getting returned phone calls from her or case mananger at the agency. So a dear friend of mine from our support group offered to go with me. We talked about it in group and ways of trying to get help that I need. So we are all ready to go to this pdoc's appt.

We arrive in plenty of time Tuesday morning. My friend goes gets us a seat as I check in. I was told that the doctor wasn't there. Ok, I've been going through this ***))****(*(* (fill in the blanks with your special angry words) for almost a year. Prior to that was another agency that was worse and dealth with them for 2 years +. Well I called my friend over and she asked if we could speak to my case manager.

Long story short, an alter came out and screaming and cussing like an old trucker. Saw case manager and then had the client advocate come in. There is a lot of work to still be done, but it is possible that I might be able to get very minimal help from them. There is about 5 agencies and they are all run off one big one. You can only go to one of the 5 agencies being on SSI.

So I ended up seeing another lady there and will not ever go see her again. She sent me into total tail spin. Alters quit eating, was struggling to keep them from SI*, was just a total nightmare. She wouldn't prescribe me anything for the anxiety. I did get a script for Ambien to help sleep and it had to be pre-approved. I picked it up today after a session with T. She saw me today since it had been a while with her being gone and then she will be gone until January 2. T is going to start working on memories and stuff. Finally.

So in January we are going to be in the muck still, but we are going to be working our way out of the muck.

I have started being a guide with ChaCha the search engine. I will be getting money from doing that. Don't know how much it will effect SSI, but am having fun doing it. At least parts can help doing it when I am unable to do it. Well the older ones can.

Sorry for being lengthy. Just wanted to check in from the muck we are in. There is finally some light being beemed down on me down here.

*Waves from the mucky junky icky poo Hi everyone*

hi woundedheart,

sorry you've had so much trouble. some times i wonder if anybody knows what they're doing. it's not like we can just flip a swich.

i have memories and flashbacks all the time. it's no fun. i don't like talking about the past. right now i'm mapping alters. they haven't been cooperating, lately. i just can't get the words out, about what happened all thoughs years. it makes me feel very wierd. the words get stuck in my head and don't to come out. i dont know if i'm afraid to face the truth or what. i keep thinking, it's over, and i want to move on with my life. i'm always getting triggered. it's like a slap of reality. i can't get away from it for long. what good is talking about it now.

do you have trouble getting the words out? do you have any technics that helps you? how can you tell if a t is right for you?

benny

((((Woundedhearts)))))
You are in my thoughts. I'm sorry getting the help you deserve is so difficult. It seems though that you are persistent and taking your system into consideration as you are doing things.
w_i

((((((((((((woundedhearts)))))))))))))

I'm so sorry things are rough right now. I hope they settle down for you soon. Take care.

((wounded heart)) I'm sorry you are experiencing all this stuff...I also suffer from PCOS and am in the middle of quite a few medical tests and none off it is easy I know...take care!

(((((((((((( wh )))))))))))))

I hope things get better very soon.

Hugs,

Jan