i'm new but posting my intro in both places. seeking others who exp DPD or DD

HI. I used to use this forum back in 2006 and it really helped so much. Got me through a very difficult period of time. Then, lost track of why I stopped posting but now I'm back. I'm having a flare up of what I think is either depersonalization disorder or a dissociative disorder (not DID).

I remember hitting some deep buried memories in therapy about a month ago, feeling like it was way too much and that the feelings would "kill me" or destroy me, and WHAM, a few days later I was waking up and experiencing this fragmented/split feeling inside me. It's been going on for 3+ weeks now. It varies in degrees. It's a cycle where anxiety makes it worse and it also causes anxiety. It's horrible! the sensations in my head and physical symptoms only enhance the horrible feelings of detachment and death that I have to live with on a day to day basis.

does anyone know what I'm talking about?

I just finished reading "Feeling Unreal" and thank God for that book. It was written in 2006 I think but I just found it now and I'm so grateful that there ARE others out there who get this, I just never knew that and have suffered alone for the past 24 years with this thing rising and lowering in intensity depending on various life events.

I am a 46 yo female and it there is anyone out there who would be willing to connect with me over this I would appreciate that very much! I have felt like I'm suffered alone with this for 20+ years and it's been a lonely, isolating path.

Thanks for listening and Hope everyone is hanging in there.

Susan
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might I suggest you read some of your old posts maybe theres something in there that is the same or helped you back then...I find that sometimes I forget what has helped me with things and I am having a problem, just coming in to psych central and reading my past posts and I get an aha so I did go through this before and this is what helped me last time, maybe if I do this again... usually what helped me before helps me again...

an example from your own past posts would be medication helped you before with fixing the problem of feeling fragmented/split...maybe you can contact your treatment providers and have your meds checked/adjusted/changed....

with in me yes I get these same feelings and my treatment providers tweek/change my meds and that usually helps me to be more grounded, I also use yoga and other mindfulness activities like rowing my canoe around the lake, getting in touch with nature and my surroundings rather than focused internally which is also a great help to me in controlling my depersonalization/derealization disorder symptoms. my depersoanlization/derealization symptoms dont scare me mine is where anxiety can cause it but once I feel numb, disconnected there is no feelings like anxiety, I actually used dissociation to numb out, space out, disconnect from things that triggered me (caused me anxiety). so im sorry I cant suggest anything there other than contact your treatment providers and they will be able to help you learn how to be more mindful/focused so that you dont end up dissociating during anxiety filled events.