Depersonalisation/Dissociation. -Intro Post

Hola

I thought I'd do somewhat of an intro post here, cause I do want to be more regular at posting in this sub-section.

I'm 22, and was diagnosed with Borderline PD Oct last year. At the end of 2012, I ended up having a breakdown and that's when I discovered that not only was I enduring severe depersonalization (I just refer to it as dissociation) but I realised that I had been for many years.

Sounds silly right? But anyway, at the start of this year I was confident I had came out of my break down period fully but I still deal with a lot of issues -sigh- The joys haha. But one of these major issues is my dissociation, I depersonalize on a daily basis - sometimes for half the day.

It doesn't cause me too much distress anymore because I've learnt to function somewhat during it, but it can vary in degree so when it gets really bad - the world is a very strange place for me. I guess I'm just looking to meet people who understand what I go through and I know dissociation is completely diverse in the way it works for people.

It took me pushing the topic with pdoc for her to even realise how severe it was, because it does impact on my recovery during Distress Tolerance - and unless somehow it's addressed or managed, I'm not sure how well I'll deal with DBT.

I've not been diagnosed, but I'm almost certain that I do have depersonalization disorder -Sigh- On top of BPD.

Idk, what are your experiences?

Hi there. It can take quite a while to figure out exactly what is going on and yes diverse is right, seems that dissociation is a unique experience in every individual. I was thought to be borderline at first - it took a couple of years to get diagnosed DID. This had a lot to do with my alters (alternative personalities) fear of psychiatrists and therapy in general. This made it a lot harder. The belief was they would lock me up and throw away the key!

Yeah, that's the thing with me - my dissociation has caused a weird form of alters.. I don't claim to have DID at all, and I am fully aware when I go inwards and someone else is "talking" or "typing", most of the time it's my child self and other times I come accross as completely cold and uncaring. Idk, I guess the only way I can describe it that at times I become the mind, and my mind becomes concious? I can't control anything, but I can watch it unfold..

Idk, makes me wonder if there is such a thing as a "split" personality, but it's not easy to do research on it because everything comes back DID - and this is just one aspect of my dissociation -sigh-

I do know BPD and DID can be mistaken for each other, but there are some similarities in the sense of splitting. I hope this makes sense doesn't sound like garbage!! ;-;

Alti

welcome, it makes sense to me. you said in the first post in this thread that you havent been diagnosed with depersonalization but have pushed the topic with your treatment provider because it does cause you problems...

if this was me the first step would be asking for diagnostic procedures for this.. once you get the diagnosis you can be treated for it...did you know that there are medicinal and non medicinal ways that can help to not dissociate to such extremes....it all depends upon what the triggers are that causes you to depersonalize.....

for example some of my triggers for depersonalization are depression/anxiety..I am on antidepressants that have drastically cut down on my having depersonalization symptoms.

Another example a trigger for me is my physical health issue of MS. but once I was on medication for that my MS related depersonalization symptoms went away.

another example I have bipolar disorder where I would have depersonalization symptoms. once I started treatment for bipolar disorder those depersonalization symptoms disappeared.

another example I have an eating disorder but once I entered a treatment center for that the depersonalization symptoms associated with my eating disorder went away.

sometimes stress from my job causes me to have depersonalization symptoms. when that happens I lighten my case load, take a few days vacation and those depersonalization symptoms go away.

sometimes I get depersonalization symptoms due to lack of sleep. when that happens I get myself back on a good sleep routine and those depersonalization symptoms disappear.

I also use ....grounding....to get myself back in touch with reality and that also lessens or fixes any of my depersonalization symptoms.

there are many different tools a person can use to combat depersonalization symptoms. but the first step to figuring out those tools is finding out where the depersonalization symptoms are coming from and why.

the best place to get information on your mental problems like possible as you call it split personality is through your treatment providers. like you have found out going on the internet can end up sending you to the wrong conclusions/wrong diagnosis/ wrong treatments that dont fit your exact problems... a lot of what you find on the internet about mental disorders depending upon your location is now outdated...

example here in the USA we have recently in the past year changed over to a new standard of what dissociative disorders are. someone goes online googling here in the USA they most likely will only find the outdated materials/information, some of which the treatments and tests are way out of use now with the mental health field here in the USA.

your profile says you are in Scotland not the USA so that may also be severely limiting what you are finding online unless you go to websites that are originating in Scotland.

my suggestion if you suspect you have dissociative disorders contact your treatment providers. they can help you get the diagnostic process for your location completed so that you will have the accurate diagnostics for you, rather then trying to self diagnose using the internet.

example did you know that in some fields of medicine, mental health, religions, cultures having those internal conversations and dissociative symptoms is considered to be normal, or can be any number of medical problems or any number of mental problems.

please let your treatment providers do the diagnosing. that way you wont end up doing more harm then good to yourself.

another suggestion ...when I dont recognize a persons name on here I go back and reread any of their past posts so that Im not confusing them with another member....which is where my suggestion comes in....

maybe you can read some of your past posts and that will help you to find out what is causing your depersonalization problems...for example I see you have a past history of alcohol...that can sometimes leave a person with many dissociation symptoms which is why drugs and alcohol are usually the first things that are ruled out when diagnosing dissociation problems. you might want to go through some tests to see if this has caused you any lingering/residual symptoms...especially if drinking alcoholic things are still a part of your life.

I also found a statement that said your treatment provider said the dissociation was from your BPD... thats great news because since its because of BPD the treatment for BPD will help/fix the dissociation problems.

medications can also cause a person to have dissociative like symptoms. maybe a suggestion to talk about your meds with your treatment provider. sometimes just tweeking meds can help a lot.

my suggestion continue going according to what ever your treatment providers are telling you to do and you will soon be feeling much better.

Not at all like garbage, the whole idea of personality is so mysterious anyway, and each persons experience of dissociation is different. I know that for me each alter has a different sense of what is real and what is important, even after twenty years of therapy they are still distinct. It is all very odd!

It varies with me, too. I just discovered that I've had it since 14 (and I'm now 50). I'm also BP and on SSDI and I don't think I can ever work again with the dissociation. Working means producing and jumping when people want you to jump and I just do not work that way. I'm just not there a lot of the time and I can't figure out how to make a living like this. I've had all sorts of professional and menial jobs from engineer in Air Force to cemetery worker to office cleaner to library book shelver. I've taken a lot of abuse by all sorts of people (mental health professionals, classmates, roommates, co-workers, strangers, etc.) since 14 because of the way I am and that burns inside of me.

So how does a person get treatment for depersonalized dissociation?

Hi there-

It sounds very dissociative, but as others mentioned, it could be other things. If you had a breakdown, it could be that you are now aware of a different reality than before when your defenses were more fully engaged (many emotional defenses distort reality).

I read some of your previous posts too, and you sound imaginative, personable, and extremely intelligent; but interestingly, you do come across as happy. But it seems like a sort of detached/carefree happiness, for lack of a better description.

I have had some experiences with depersonalization, and many types of dissociation, including the very bizarre. The depersonalization for me was like being detached from yourself. I've felt what you described as being outside of your consciousness, sort of watching yourself. Sometimes it's described as watching and experiencing yourself as if you were watching yourself in a movie. That's also a symptom of PTSD, btw.

Hopefully it's just temporary as it was for me. It can be difficult to treat, especially for people who experience it chronically. It also can manifest when coming clean from drugs and/or alcohol, but later dissipate. What medications have you tried?

Also, I'm really wondering what your parents are like? You are so young.

your question...how does a person get treatment for depersonalized dissociation...

here in NY any mental health treatment provider can treat you. treatment for depersonalization problems here in NY is ....therapy to learn how to re ground yourself back out of your dissociation symptoms and learn about what triggers your depersonalization symptoms so that you can control it on your own using grounding, relaxation, medications, yoga or any other treatments depending upon what activates (triggers) your symptoms.

your treatment providers (medical doctor, therapist or psychiatrist) can help you.

I also wanted to add that treatment for depersonalization also includes things like medication assessments ( the treatment provider who prescribes your prescriptions/ over the counter meds and if you use it medical or recreational marijuana or other drugs that may or may not be legalized in your location.) one of the things about dissociative disorders is that the new diagnostics these type of things as being the cause of your symptoms have to be ruled out... so your treatment providers may want you to undergo things like drug rehab or what here is called inpatient care while they do adjustments to your medicatons especially if you have a history of going psychotic or drug use. once they have you off the meds they can add the correct meds and dosages. this will also enable them to varify whether the meds /or weed (if you are on medical or recreational marijuana was/is the cause of the depersonalization or not. what made me think of this is because at one time I was in a room with others that were using marijuana and it caused me depersonalization symptoms. now I make sure that when those I know that use this are using Im not in the room with them.