Working Full Time with DID

I just need to put this out there....I may be the only one here dealing with it, but I am so tired of feeling alone.

I have been diagnosed with DID since 1993. I'm so tired with it. I have to work full time, and it's so hard for me to maintain composure for 40 hours a week. One day this week, my autistic alter came out and didn't know where she was. She e-mailed my husband (one of our whole system's safety things) and he called a few minutes later. He talked to her and then got me to come out. I still felt very swirly and fragile after that, but didn't have long to finish the work day. She had come out while I was on my way to the ladies room and then got lost. The mommy alter led her back to my space but then the autistic one came right back out.

Luckily my office is away from others so no one heard her on the phone - her voice is different from mine and she was asking where she was. I am not co-conscious with her. There are others I am not co-conscious with too.

I had ten years of therapy, and was even integrated for nine years until another major trauma happened and I split again, but I just don't know the answers to making sure someone doesn't pop out at inopportune times. It's not something I can easily control. It's frustrating to have been dealing with it this long. I know other multiples, but they don't have to work. I carry our health insurance and also earn more than my husband, so part time work is out of the question.

I just needed to vent I guess. *sigh* Anyone else here working with DID? How do you cope?

I'm trying to cope with DID, I do drawings and talk to people that might or not experienced the same, I'd love to keep talking to you, I want to learn a few things I do not know., can we met at the chat?

I don't use chats, but you're welcome to talk to me here if you want.

Once my alters had a place where they could be out and say what is on their mind they stopped popping out unexpectedly. Once I started therapy and a few of them talked during session we decided as a group that we would be out during session and not during work. They just wanted to be able to say what was on their mind. I hope things get better for you.

Maybe its time to have a vacation until things settle a little. Or maybe time to re budget so you can work part time.

Some people with DID are highly functioning and can maintain a full time job. Time to chat to your doctor?

when this was happening to me my therapist explained to me that Dissociation is a reaction to something....

example the person in which the alters live in gets angry, excited, stressed out, anxious......what ever the feelings/situation is that they are having trouble handling. this causes them to dissociate (numb, spaced out, feel disconnected, feel like they are just watching not participating, slip backwards in their mind....what ever that persons dissociation symptoms are,) this in turn causes an alter to take over to try and handle what ever the situation is. therefore the key to staying in control at work is to recognize ones own dissociation symptoms and then reground/self nurture/self sooth.

example sometimes when I was working before I was integrated I would get stressed out. but by noticing when my work was causing me to feel stressed out and then taking a few moments to use the techniques I learned in therapy... regrounding, caling myself down, taking a break, getting a drink or cup of coffee,taking a bathroom break, ....then once I wasnt feeling spaced out, numb, distant get back to work this time pacing myself so that I wouldnt get stressed out. by doing this the alters learned they did not have to take over and do my job for me.

my suggestion you said you were integrated before so you already have all the tools you need to stay in control. my suggestion get back into using those tools....grounding, relaxation/anxiety /stress relief that you were taught during therapy that allowed you to take care of things on your own when you were integrated.

I also see by your other posts that you have more than one diagnosis and you are on medications.... sometimes other mental problems and medications can cause a person to have dissociation symptoms so my suggestion is if this continues to bother you contact your treatment providers, they can help you to gain more stability and help you so this doesnt keep happening to you. here all we can do is read each others posts and tell you what we did in this same situation which may or may not be right for you and what treatment plans you are on. we wouldnt want to suggest something to you that is harmful or goes against your treatment plans.

ultimately only you and / or your treatment providers can solve your problems based on what kinds of things are going on in your location / stressors, dissociation triggers, health history past and present....... a lot of factors go into why a person dissociates and what will stop them from dissociating, all of which are individualized. so if this continues to bother you it would be best to contact your treatment providers for treatment, med assessment, other mental disorder stability and other face to face/real time help/options that treatment providers can give you that on line can not.

I work 40+ hours a week as an administrator, and dont have a problem with it any more, but i do remember about 15 years ago when holding down a full time job was very very hard for me.

I have a vacation coming up during Labor Day week. I just had one at the end of April so I'm basically trying not to call in mentally ill in the meantime. I'm going to try to get a long vacation at Christmas time since there's only two work days around our holidays. My immediate supervisor knows I see a psychiatrist, but does not know why, so maybe I can get her to consider that when looking for approval for those extra days.

amandalouise - I am having some change in my work life these days, and my husband thinks that's the trigger. I'm changing duties in the near future so I have to learn new things. In the meantime, I am in a sort of limbo and keeping myself busy helping others with their work. Without a definite focus, it leaves all kinds of time for dissociation.

I also recently started driving again, and it terrifies me. I'm traumatized by an accident we had last November. My husband was stopped at a light, I was in the front passenger seat, and someone hit us going 45 miles an hour, according to the police officer. It messed up my back and I will probably always use a cane now.

So between the limbo and the driving, I feel doomed and unsafe. I just don't know how to keep going. I'm already on six psych meds, I don't think there's anything else to add! I have psychotic things happen at work occasionally despite being on 20 mg of Abilify, as well as the switching and it just becomes too much to handle.

I try to use the tools I learned in therapy, but it's hard to do alone. It's much easier when my husband is around. I don't dare tell anyone at work about my diagnosis, so there's no one to support me there.

StarryNight - I am so impressed with what you are accomplishing!

Thank you so much for all the replies. I feel better knowing there's people who understand. I put this post on a depression forum and only got one reply from someone who didn't know what to say, but just wanted to say she sent hugs. Hugs are good, but DID can be a very lonely place to be, ironically enough.

Hi Shmooey,

My actual diagnoses are GAD and C-PTSD. I don't have the DID diagnosis, but I believe that I have co-conscious DID or at least DDNOS. My t and I have discussed the possibility. I've taken the DES and scored high on dissociation. Both my t and my h have seen me switch.o

Like you, I work full-time. I think it's possible because (1) my work is mostly solitary (I'm a writer) and (2) I have alot of control over my parts. It's only when I get triggered that problems come up and I am in danger of others "discovering" my dissociation. But when I do get triggered and a different part of me takes over, I often have to go home sick because I can't cope. Thankfully, it doesn't happen too often.

Some of my coworkers know I've had depression and anxiety and/or have gone to counseling. But they don't know how extensive my issues are. I am good at presenting myself as in control.

I think sometimes it can be a disadvantage to be high functioning with a mental illness because other people really don't know how much work it takes to carry on day to day in a "normal" way. You don't look sick from the outside, so it appears that you are always OK. I guess that's a good thing in one's job. But when you need empathy, validation, or support, you often don't get any.

Be assured that you are not alone in this.

Peaches

Yes. THAT. Most of my sick days are actually mental illness days. People really don't get how hard it is to do this, except others who do it. Sometimes I feel like, who says I'm high functioning? I'm really hurting and struggling here, and I can't do this!

Thanks so much for your support.