[Claritytoo]

I saw a movie on tv and it reminded me of when I would take my son to the movies on a Sunday afternoon. I always felt such love and joy spending time with him. Sometimes we would go out to eat after which was a treat because money was tight. But I would do anything to spend that time with him. To listen to him talk about the movie we just saw. The feelings of love and joy that brought back to me was as if it happened yesterday. I called my son and left him a message. After I had tears in my eyes with happiness for being able to feel such love and some sadness for that time having passed. My question is Are the feelings and thoughts the result of dissociating? It all felt so real. Like it happened a short time ago. I knew I was in 2014 and that my son is grown. The feelings are so real. I am not used to feeling love. It is difficult to explain.

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by Claritytoo

I saw a movie on tv and it reminded me of when I would take my son to the movies on a Sunday afternoon. I always felt such love and joy spending time with him. Sometimes we would go out to eat after which was a treat because money was tight. But I would do anything to spend that time with him. To listen to him talk about the movie we just saw. The feelings of love and joy that brought back to me was as if it happened yesterday. I called my son and left him a message. After I had tears in my eyes with happiness for being able to feel such love and some sadness for that time having passed. My question is Are the feelings and thoughts the result of dissociating? It all felt so real. Like it happened a short time ago. I knew I was in 2014 and that my son is grown. The feelings are so real. I am not used to feeling love. It is difficult to explain.

if you were here in NY no this would not be called dissociation. here dissociation is feeling numb, spaced out, foggy minded. here where I live and work this would be called a parent remembering happy times with their child. which is perfectly normal part of being a parent. depending upon other accompanying symptoms it would also be called having a flash back (flashbacks are reliving a memory, this type of reliving a memory happens through the mind/brain being triggered by something... example the smell of fresh cut grass can sometimes send me into reliving a memory of laying on the lawn in the summer after the lawn had been mowed when I was a child.)

[Claritytoo]

Is it a bad thing to have a flash back of such a joyful time.

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by Claritytoo

Is it a bad thing to have a flash back of such a joyful time.

no having flashback is actually a normal occurrence for humans. associating a persons memories with the present moment is just a part of how the brain works. one way to familiarize yourself with this is sit in a very public place and listen to those around you. you will hear people say things like OMG that reminds me of when..... hey doesnt that look like....its just part of being human to have our senses alerting us to things we remember from the past.

just today I was at the coffee machine at work and the smell of the coffee reminded me of waking up in the morning to my mother making the morning coffee. for a minute there it was like I was back home in bed, waking up to the smell of my moms coffee which is a very happy/fond memory of mine.

[Claritytoo]

Thank you for taking the time to respond. My feelings of love and joy were so real, so in the moment, Is it possible I disassociated to my son's mom. The person who would have those memories and feelings. I don't really understand the concept of flashbacks as it applies to my emotions. We all raised our son but there was/is a mom part that isn't so active sense my son is now grown. How is dissociating to the mom part different from having a flashback?

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by Claritytoo

Thank you for taking the time to respond. My feelings of love and joy were so real, so in the moment, Is it possible I disassociated to my son's mom. The person who would have those memories and feelings. I don't really understand the concept of flashbacks as it applies to my emotions. We all raised our son but there was/is a mom part that isn't so active sense my son is now grown. How is dissociating to the mom part different from having a flashback?

the term ...flashback...just means you are reliving a memory. it doesnt matter if you are an alter or the host.

I'm not sure what you mean about ... Is it possible I disassociated to my son's mom. here where I am located disassociated (pronounced dis associated) means to purposely disengage/purposely stop doing something. ie I disassociated playing softball meaning I quit playing softball. so are you asking me if you are purposely stopped doing something with your son's mom?

dissociation is different than flashbacks. dissociation is feeling numb, spacy, foggy minded, not feeling, where as flashbacks are feeling and reliving a memory...

example

when stressed at work I feel numb, foggy minded. (dissociation)

when at the coffee machine the smell of the coffee caused me to flashback to mornings with my mother making coffee. I felt like I was back there laying in bed and my mom was making the coffee.

Are you possibly talking about co consciousness? thats when there is sharing of memories, thoughts between the alters (alter to alter) or between the alters and host. this is different than having a flashback.

A flashback is reliving something that happened in the past/ good or bad. (the example with the coffee)

co consciousness is.... hearing the voices of the others, knowing what the others are doing/saying/thinking. for example rainy showing me or telling me something that went on with her, hearing Rainys voice, knowng Rainy exists, hearing Rainy talk with my therapist, ....

it doesnt matter which alter experienced the memory a flashback is a flashback (reliving a memory, emotions event from the past) and co consciousness is co consciousness the sharing/being aware of....

[innocentjoy]

Its very possible that the mom part was feeling back in the moment. My little ones often mix up time so they know what's happening in the present time but emotionally feel like things in the past happened a day ago instead of fifteen years ago. It's a weird feeling to be connected to both the present and the past, like both are happening at the same time. Is that how you experienced it at all? Sometimes it's a nice break for me to be in a happy past memory instead of a traumatic one, but it can feel odd!

[Claritytoo]

Originally Posted by innocentjoy

Its very possible that the mom part was feeling back in the moment. My little ones often mix up time so they know what's happening in the present time but emotionally feel like things in the past happened a day ago instead of fifteen years ago. It's a weird feeling to be connected to both the present and the past, like both are happening at the same time. Is that how you experienced it at all? Sometimes it's a nice break for me to be in a happy past memory instead of a traumatic one, but it can feel odd!

I love my son. I know this on an intellectual level. I don't often feel that love. When I feel an emotion like love or happiness I am sometimes surprised by it. I try to take the time to let myself feel it. When my son was little I remember feeling love just looking at him. I am always aware when I feel love or happiness. I acknowledge it as being such that I am feeling. Is that how non DID people feel emotion.

[innocentjoy]

I think dissociation often separates emotions from situations, so it might be what non did people experience. I only know what its like to be dissociated, as opposed to integrated. Hopefully others can weigh in on that one!