[Freewilled]

I have this problem. I just had a memory I shared in therapy that had broadened - like a new part came back - and I actually had access to some feelings with it. This is not the norm for me.....I actually cried in therapy for the first time after over a year and a half. But the next week it was like it didn't really happen. Like I made it up. I feel ashamed even at the consideration of that because I know I didn't make it up. I'm pissed that I can't access the feelings again. It feels WORSE to be disconnected from them, no matter how horrible it felt. I can't stand the disconnection.

Anyone else experience anything like this? If so, is there a trick to staying connected that I'm missing?

[Claritytoo]

I think that means that therapy is having a positive effect on you and your system. Just thank your parts for sharing at that session. Your parts are learning about each other just like you are. Good job

[Freewilled]

Thank you, clarity....that makes a lot of sense. I am working on letting go a bit and being grateful and accepting instead of being as harsh and pushy toward myself. My T reminds me about self-compassion quite frequently. I appreciate your thoughtful reply

[innocentjoy]

I keep having the same issue, I think. New memories will come up for me and will feel so real and them there are times where I feel like none of it happened, that I've just made it all up. Logically I know that, at least for the most part, they are real, and they explain a lot about me, etc. But sometimes I feel so disconnected from all of them. I spent a large part of my life denying any trauma in my past, so I think it's connected to the parts of me that still have a hard time accepting. It's almost like without the emotional connection inside me, I can't believe it.

For me, like claritytoo said, allowing those parts the needed space to have their experience, too. And understanding that dissociation is more likely the reason for that lack of connection, as opposed to it not happening, kind of reassures me in itself.

Sorry if that wasn't much help. Just wanted to let you know you're not alone in that feeling. Self compassion can be powerful if we can get there

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by Freewilled

I have this problem. I just had a memory I shared in therapy that had broadened - like a new part came back - and I actually had access to some feelings with it. This is not the norm for me.....I actually cried in therapy for the first time after over a year and a half. But the next week it was like it didn't really happen. Like I made it up. I feel ashamed even at the consideration of that because I know I didn't make it up. I'm pissed that I can't access the feelings again. It feels WORSE to be disconnected from them, no matter how horrible it felt. I can't stand the disconnection.

Anyone else experience anything like this? If so, is there a trick to staying connected that I'm missing?

usually when parts share a memory that memory does not fade away.. so Im wondering if maybe some of your meds (if you are on any) may be interfering with your memory process. Sometimes meds can cause memory problems.

here where I live and work inability to feel and express feelings/emotions either present moment or for the past or for memories is called lack of affect. it happens with normal things and can also happen with all mental and physical health problems. some things that can cause this is stress, PTSD, Depression, Anxiety....

my point it its quite common for survivors of traumatic events to have lack of feelings for their self, their memories, their emotions...

suggestions sometimes not working so hard to gain memories will make the memories come forth at a more natural rate, sometimes taking time to do nice things for yourself can make a person relax mentally to the point where the lack of affect barriers give way to being able to feel and express a full range of emotions again and have those memories that seem to have faded away again.

[Freewilled]

Originally Posted by amandalouise

usually when parts share a memory that memory does not fade away.. so Im wondering if maybe some of your meds (if you are on any) may be interfering with your memory process. Sometimes meds can cause memory problems.

here where I live and work inability to feel and express feelings/emotions either present moment or for the past or for memories is called lack of affect. it happens with normal things and can also happen with all mental and physical health problems. some things that can cause this is stress, PTSD, Depression, Anxiety....

my point it its quite common for survivors of traumatic events to have lack of feelings for their self, their memories, their emotions...

suggestions sometimes not working so hard to gain memories will make the memories come forth at a more natural rate, sometimes taking time to do nice things for yourself can make a person relax mentally to the point where the lack of affect barriers give way to being able to feel and express a full range of emotions again and have those memories that seem to have faded away again.

I dont have a DiD diagnosis but I do dissociate. I don't take medications. I haven't forgotten what I remembered, but the feelings aren't attached like they were before. That makes it feel surreal almost - at least for me. It may be common, but I was just wondering how others stayed attached to the feeling part of it all....for me, with no feelings it starts to seem like I "made it up" - thanks.

[ThisWayOut]

I lose emotional connection too, and it makes everything feel like just a story someone else wrote and I'm just reading back. The times the emotion is connected, it almost feels too real. I have not yet figured out how to bring the emotional connection back at all times, but I'm learning that the memories are actual memories just playing as if the emotional and "video" tracks are not in sync (like dvd's or streaming video sometimes does)... maybe your t would have some more helpful ideas?