[Claritytoo]

I am feeling blocked from my body. Like we have stopped communicating. I am also have thoughts about nothing that is real. I will think of something that has happened that day and than add an entire scenario that never occurred. I know it didn't happen but I imagine it did and for no productive reason. Right now and for the past few days I am imagining that I am physically ill, that there is something really wrong with my body and my body isn't saying anything. I think it is in my head because I am feeling like I am in a dark place looking out. I have also don't ever remember being in this position. Things are changing but I am not sure where it is going. I also have been feeling my actual age for most of the day. Not something I have ever been conscious of for any period of time. Something is changing but it doesn't feel freeing it feels burdensome and dark. I just need to get this out. I will try to see if I can understand what is happening. It is disturbing.

[Kiya]

Good that you are posting about it. (((((((Clarity))))))))
One thing to think about is that the thoughts you are creating could be distortions. This particular distortion is called catastrophizing. It is one I am very familiar with doing - creating events all in the mind that never happened where I am very ill or something has happened to me or another, or I start thinking about a real event and then follow it down a path that likely would never happen. This distortion (and others) can be found if you Google CBT Thought distortions. There are thought records that I find helpful where you can look at the thought, find the feelings, rate them, see what the evidence is that supports this thought, see what evidence doesn't support the thought, find statements that are more true about the thought/situation and then re-rate your feelings with the new outlook.
Not knowing if you wanted feedback or not, I put that out there as a "here's this if you want it".
Being in the 'noticing' phase is fine, too.
You are supported!

[Claritytoo]

Originally Posted by Kiya

Good that you are posting about it. (((((((Clarity))))))))
One thing to think about is that the thoughts you are creating could be distortions. This particular distortion is called catastrophizing. It is one I am very familiar with doing - creating events all in the mind that never happened where I am very ill or something has happened to me or another, or I start thinking about a real event and then follow it down a path that likely would never happen. This distortion (and others) can be found if you Google CBT Thought distortions. There are thought records that I find helpful where you can look at the thought, find the feelings, rate them, see what the evidence is that supports this thought, see what evidence doesn't support the thought, find statements that are more true about the thought/situation and then re-rate your feelings with the new outlook.
Not knowing if you wanted feedback or not, I put that out there as a "here's this if you want it".
Being in the 'noticing' phase is fine, too.
You are supported!

I really did want feed back but was afraid to ask. I didn't want to be disappointed. I was feeling very low. I didn't know about this type of thinking as being an aspect of DID. I will follow up with the information you gave. I am still having difficulty with my thoughts and perceptions today. I can't think of what I was feeling when this set off. It has something to do thinking about changing the way we help each other. Something about that makes me feel like we will crumble. It scares me too much and than all terrible thoughts start endlessly runing through my head, not making sense. Making everything unreal. I feel like I could be crushed.

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by Claritytoo

I really did want feed back but was afraid to ask. I didn't want to be disappointed. I was feeling very low. I didn't know about this type of thinking as being an aspect of DID. I will follow up with the information you gave. I am still having difficulty with my thoughts and perceptions today. I can't think of what I was feeling when this set off. It has something to do thinking about changing the way we help each other. Something about that makes me feel like we will crumble. It scares me too much and than all terrible thoughts start endlessly runing through my head, not making sense. Making everything unreal. I feel like I could be crushed.

here in NY my treatment providers say spinning unrealness into things is called delusional thoughts and isnt part of DID because the diagnostics state reality testing remains intact. meaning the person knows whats real and stays in contact realness.

that said its also a part of normal things like using ones imagination/ pretending which every human being does and is taught how to do from the first time they watch sesame street or other shows that use the theme of lets pretend, schools also teach this kind of thinking.

my suggestion is in order to know whether this use of your imagination is a normal thing or enters the abnormal of delusional thoughts (sorry just using new york standards your area might not call this delusional thoughts) is by contacting your treatment providers. I know you are not looking for a diagnosis but in order to make is so you dont have this kind of freak out as you call it happening you need to know what caused it in order to fix it.

example if its normal use of imagination (some locations call this normal non dissociative disordered dissociation) then theres nothing to do other than if you dont like doing it train yourself not to by stopping yourself when you find yourself doing it.

if its in the delusional range there are medications that can help you stay grounded in reality.

with me when this happens its usually a medication problem causing me to have these kinds of delusional thoughts (again using NY terms not saying you are delusional)

[Claritytoo]

I read some on dulutional thoughts and it's not exactly what I am experiencing. I am not thinking that my imagined thoughts are real. I know they are not real and that is what causes the freak out. I know a situation didn't go the way I am imanining so why am I thinking of these things. So I will correct my thought by saying "it didn't happen that way" and my thoughts will just go on to another situation and again imagine some other ending to an event. And it always go into something filled with anger and violence. I know it didn't happen but I imagine it going that way. Right now I am ok. But when that happens I get stuck in it and it brings a lot of darkness with it.

[Kiya]

Originally Posted by Claritytoo

I really did want feed back but was afraid to ask. I didn't want to be disappointed. I was feeling very low. I didn't know about this type of thinking as being an aspect of DID. I will follow up with the information you gave. I am still having difficulty with my thoughts and perceptions today. I can't think of what I was feeling when this set off. It has something to do thinking about changing the way we help each other. Something about that makes me feel like we will crumble. It scares me too much and than all terrible thoughts start endlessly runing through my head, not making sense. Making everything unreal. I feel like I could be crushed.

(((((((((((Clarity!)))))))))))))
It's not specific to DID - a LOT of people deal with thought distortions, even people not dealing with Mental Illness. That's why I like those CBT thought records and the list of thought distortions (we don't call them delusions here, either) and see that I'm catastrophizing or using magical thinking (maybe it will just go away) or black and white (all or nothing) thinking.... there's 12. It's really helpful to see them; and the ANTS (automatic negative thoughts) - I am beginning to catch them now and say ok that's a negative thought or belief - is it true, is it kind, is it -oh I forgot the third.... but then run through the cognitive distortions list and see how I am using that thought (usually it is my imagination taking something and, like you, turning it violent or fearful in some way. Ok, some say 10, some say 15. I originally learned 12 and then now in the program I am in, they took two off. But those are the two I use the most! Catastrophic and magical thinking. Here's some links (one on PC!) to those and the thought records.

15 Common Cognitive Distortions | Psych Central
THOUGHT RECORD TEMPLATE from www.CognitiveTherapyGuide.org
Ten Cognitive Distortions Identified in CBT