Hi. Is it possible for alters to be cautious to try and prevent the host from knowing that they occasionally use the body? I score high on all the DID criteria except for loss of consciousness. But today I started recalling all the unusual comments people have made to me over the years. I'm the very timid type so I rarely confront people, but it's bothered me how so many people I've known or worked with have said things to me out of the blue. Like this guy at work looked at me with intense eyes and called me satan! It just blew me away. Another thing, for years I've mentioned to my friends how nearly every friend I've had will suddenly not like me and I can't figure it out. Yes I should have asked them. Maybe I was too afraid to know. That's not all. Many times I've awaken from sleep to find myself outside in the middle of the night or somewhere. About a dozen times while in the shower I suddenly notice cuts on my body, like one to 4 inch long cuts that are bleeding and I have no conscious memories of cutting myself. I guess it's possible that I lost consciousness since I often find myself far off in deep thought unaware of my surroundings, especially in the shower.

I hear voices and have what seem to be alters. There's a motherly figure who's nice and caring to me. There's a lady who's in love with me and wants to marry me, but since I don't want it she will often get furious with me, like once a week and say hateful things. Then there's this boy from India who's like Satan he's so evil. His words alone has almost got me to commit suicide several times. Also I have several doctors who try to help me, give me shots and perform surgery on me when I'm really bad. Yes I can actually feel it when they work on me, and it works. Then there's a famous scientist who used to tell me all kind of things. He wanted me to do some experiments, but I declined. So I haven't heard from him in awhile.

So is there any way to find out if I have alters? Can a professional psychiatrist force the alters to come forward if I have any? Thanks, I appreciate it!


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[geis]

One of the diagnostic criteria for DID (at least in the DSM-IV; I can't remember for sure if it's in the DSM-V) is amnesia between alters, so it's not at all unusual for people with DID to have memory loss like you're describing. Of course, there are also other things that can cause lost time, and we can't diagnose you.

No one can really force alters to come out, and even if they could, that would probably be counter-productive in that it's profoundly disrespectful to those parts. But there are diagnostic tests that can be done to diagnose DID--the Dissociative Experiences Scale (DES) and the Structured Clinical Interview for Dissociative Disorders (SCID-D) were the two used when I was diagnosed.

I did an online DES test, but for all the questions regarding missing time I picked No since I don't recall much missing time. Although I vaguely recall a few times in the past few years of missing time but for most of my life I've been pretty good at ignoring self problems. I got 14.3 on the DES test. It says 15% of people diagnosed with DID score below 20. Is there an online test for SCID-D?

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[flockpride]

Here's the thing, you have enough stuff going on that consulting with a psychotherapist could be really helpful. What you describe as friends thinking you are mean and you not remembering sounds like the amnesia associated with parts/alters, for sure. And a lot of times, the person who goes to therapy and comes out with a DID diagnosis can be totally in the dark about what all has been going on. That's kind of the point of the condition; to protect a functional self from information and feelings that would derail functionality. It's too complicated and difficult to deal with without help IMHO.

[kaliope]

i don't recall missing any time myself, but then i will come on to PC and find posts i don't recall posting and find things around my home i never did and the only explanation is that an alter came out and did them so i had to have lost some time and just don't remember it.

[Kiya]

Which is a good point - if you don't know you're missing time, of course you're going to put no. If you take this test again in 5 years or so, you'll likely have different results because you'll know more. I've also taken it, but I'd already had the DID dx for 8 years, so my DD line was waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa longer than any of the others

Originally Posted by unreality

I did an online DES test, but for all the questions regarding missing time I picked No since I don't recall much missing time. Although I vaguely recall a few times in the past few years of missing time but for most of my life I've been pretty good at ignoring self problems. I got 14.3 on the DES test. It says 15% of people diagnosed with DID score below 20. Is there an online test for SCID-D?

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[Kiya]

My first question would be: Do these alters seem to be outside of you or inside your mind? I ask especially because of the one who wants to marry you. It is important to know where these things are coming from - it could potentially change a diagnosis and determine what you need in the way of help. Do you have a therapist or a med doc right now? if not, it's time to find one.

Originally Posted by unreality

Hi. Is it possible for alters to be cautious to try and prevent the host from knowing that they occasionally use the body? I score high on all the DID criteria except for loss of consciousness. But today I started recalling all the unusual comments people have made to me over the years. I'm the very timid type so I rarely confront people, but it's bothered me how so many people I've known or worked with have said things to me out of the blue. Like this guy at work looked at me with intense eyes and called me satan! It just blew me away. Another thing, for years I've mentioned to my friends how nearly every friend I've had will suddenly not like me and I can't figure it out. Yes I should have asked them. Maybe I was too afraid to know. That's not all. Many times I've awaken from sleep to find myself outside in the middle of the night or somewhere. About a dozen times while in the shower I suddenly notice cuts on my body, like one to 4 inch long cuts that are bleeding and I have no conscious memories of cutting myself. I guess it's possible that I lost consciousness since I often find myself far off in deep thought unaware of my surroundings, especially in the shower.

I hear voices and have what seem to be alters. There's a motherly figure who's nice and caring to me. There's a lady who's in love with me and wants to marry me, but since I don't want it she will often get furious with me, like once a week and say hateful things. Then there's this boy from India who's like Satan he's so evil. His words alone has almost got me to commit suicide several times. Also I have several doctors who try to help me, give me shots and perform surgery on me when I'm really bad. Yes I can actually feel it when they work on me, and it works. Then there's a famous scientist who used to tell me all kind of things. He wanted me to do some experiments, but I declined. So I haven't heard from him in awhile.

So is there any way to find out if I have alters? Can a professional psychiatrist force the alters to come forward if I have any? Thanks, I appreciate it!


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I appreciate all the relies. You have no idea how much they mean to me, or actually maybe you know. Initially it's scary seeing so many signs of having DID, but there are positive things about DID. Like if I'm about to have a panic attack or something one of my alters will say something to comfort me and let me know they're there for me.

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Originally Posted by Kiya

My first question would be: Do these alters seem to be outside of you or inside your mind? I ask especially because of the one who wants to marry you. It is important to know where these things are coming from - it could potentially change a diagnosis and determine what you need in the way of help. Do you have a therapist or a med doc right now? if not, it's time to find one.

Most of the time the alter voices seem inside. They sound like soft whispers even though they're not whispering. A few times they've sounded like real voices. Occasionally they're loud. Like when I ran away from home and everyone I was sitting on the cold beach alone overwhelmed with tears thinking everyone's abandoned me. At that very moment the alter who's in love with me, who wants to marry me, said very loud and clear to me, "Baby I'm right here with you!"

No I don't have a therapist. Hopefully within a few months I'll have an income. Does anyone have tips on how to find a good psychiatrist? If they're on the US west coast I'll be willing to move there if they're a notable psychiatrist. I don't mean to be picky, but this is all new to me. You know how youtube and the media is. Lot of people complaining about their horrible psychotherapist.

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[Kiya]

If they're notable, they don't take clients any more (wry grin). It's all the same pretty much everywhere now. Best of luck!

Hm good point. Just thinking about getting a therapist gives me anxiety and makes my heart beat so fast and dizziness. Trust comes with time, so I'm sure these feelings will fade once I trust my therapist. Best wishes to you!

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[Fuzzybear]