[Claritytoo]

I don't have a host. Who ever is out is the one people see. We are parts. We don't have any one part that we understand to be the central person. There is just a lot of us and some of us can be in the world. Others stay inside. Is there anyone here who know what I am talking about.

[jelly-bean]

I know there are some other DID people here. I hope that they post so that you can have others to talk to abut your issues.

[geis]

Not everyone's system is structured that way, and that's okay. Not having a host isn't that unusual, really, based on what I've heard from other people with DID. We tend to go through phases with who's out front the most--it'll be one of us for a while, and then something will shift and another group will take over, or a different primary host. So in that sense we don't really have a single host either.

Basically, there's no wrong way to be DID. Everyone's experience is different.

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by Claritytoo

I don't have a host. Who ever is out is the one people see. We are parts. We don't have any one part that we understand to be the central person. There is just a lot of us and some of us can be in the world. Others stay inside. Is there anyone here who know what I am talking about.

I understand what you are talking about. sometimes people with DID dont have that one person that is aware as in the biological body person. the body is shared by all with in. the biological person is still there obviously since everyone resides with in a physical body but mentally that biological persons mind, emotions, memories, history of events are so separated not shared that its hard to think about and perceive/know of that one biological person they all started out as being.

maybe this will help...talk with your treatment [provider and find out what the definition of the word host is where you are...here in the USA psychological definition of a host is the physical body in which the alters reside with in. a host does not have to be the one main person in charge or one main alter in charge. it literally means the physical body in which the alternate personalities reside with in.

my therapist once told me when I asked her who the host was.....pull out your birth certificate. look at where it says what the physical body name is, weight, length, parents names. the name of the baby (physical body) is the host. mentally you may be all split up into many many alternate personalities but the host exists because there is a physical body in which you live.

once my therapist explained that to me it was easy for me to keep things straight. every time I started to question which one of us was the "host" I would read my birth certificate because thats the psychological definition of what a host is here (the physical body in which the alters reside.)

that doesnt mean that person is always available or in control at all. just means who the alters reside with in,

[Claritytoo]

Originally Posted by geis

Not everyone's system is structured that way, and that's okay. Not having a host isn't that unusual, really, based on what I've heard from other people with DID. We tend to go through phases with who's out front the most--it'll be one of us for a while, and then something will shift and another group will take over, or a different primary host. So in that sense we don't really have a single host either.

Basically, there's no wrong way to be DID. Everyone's experience is different.

My t wants us to all get together and talk but we don't have one host/part that is in a position to facilitate that. There is a wall between my groups. I don't know how my groups can talk to each other. My head hurts just thinking about it.

[geis]

It may take some creative solutions. We have groups as well, and I can communicate with very few of them directly. However, there's one person in our system who can communicate with most of the rest of the system, so a lot of the communication has to go through her. It may not be possible to get everyone all together right from the start--you might have to facilitate smaller conversations/meetings with each of the groups, possibly with the assistance of someone inside who's able to communicate.

It's okay not to have it all figured out just yet. I still don't have a lot of it figured out, and I was diagnosed something like five years ago. It takes time and patience--you're building relationships just like you would with outside people. Not everyone's going to trust each other and work well together right at first, but it's something you can work toward.

[Claritytoo]

Originally Posted by geis

It may take some creative solutions. We have groups as well, and I can communicate with very few of them directly. However, there's one person in our system who can communicate with most of the rest of the system, so a lot of the communication has to go through her. It may not be possible to get everyone all together right from the start--you might have to facilitate smaller conversations/meetings with each of the groups, possibly with the assistance of someone inside who's able to communicate.

It's okay not to have it all figured out just yet. I still don't have a lot of it figured out, and I was diagnosed something like five years ago. It takes time and patience--you're building relationships just like you would with outside people. Not everyone's going to trust each other and work well together right at first, but it's something you can work toward.

But who does the organizing? I am in a group.

[geis]

If you're the one around right now, you, but you can enlist the help of others as well. Just because you're part of a group doesn't mean you can't find ways to reach out to other groups--but you may have to get creative if communication is a challenge. It might take time, and that's okay. Nobody has it all figured out at the beginning.

[Claritytoo]

amandalouise, I can think of my body as the host in as much as the body gives us all a place to stay. But the body doesn't organize us at all. The body protects us and keeps us safe and we are grateful. The body seems ok with the host idea. Thanks
Geis, I know some in the other groups can hear me and I can hear some of the others but it is indirectly. They are not speaking to me direct. I will put the question out there about anyone wanting to get together and talk. I will have to make a door for my group that opens into that room with the round table. The others, if they want can do the same. That might work. But I am a little afraid to talk to the other group face to face. They are the ones in the world, like the adults. My group is more the adolescents and our other group is more the kids and little ones. My group sort of stand between the adult parts and the little ones. We are a little concerned that some of the adults could get into our group and hurt us. But if we can get some to go to the meeting room and close the door to the group the adults won't be able to get in. We will work on visualizing that and making the door. I think some of the adults are also interested. It feels scary. And we will wait to create a door for the little ones. Once we feel safe and know we are all there to help. I feel this is not going to be easy but I know from my t that we create our inside world. I think we can try. And now that I don't have to worry about having to have a host, although the host is invited, I am less confused by the effort. Thanks.

[sabby]

I hope you don't mind Claritytoo, I have an idea for you to help you get the communication going between your groups. You can take it or leave it, either way it's fine with me. I don't know what your system is truly like so I can't say one way or another if this idea would be helpful or not, but I thought I would let you know about it.

Is it possible for you to post a bulletin board or a white board for you and the others to write on? You can put questions on the board and anyone who wants to answer can do so. This way, it's possible for some of the others who may not want to be known yet can be heard without feeling unsafe. It might help to get some information about your system that would be helpful in keeping the body safe too.

Just an idea for you. I think you are doing some good work!

Interesting question. I'm curious, has a therapist said anything about this? I haven't but diagnosed with DID, yet, but your question reminded me of a close friend I had(past tense) recently. She shocked me by saying I'm a completely different person than last year and she asked me if I had a near death experience. Maybe I'm not the host? I can remember many times throughout my life where my personality changed. Maybe the host wanted to take a break. Life is getting so hard lately so I've been thinking about the possibility of checking out and letting one of my alters take over. I have a nice motherly figure alter who's in much better condition than I am who might become the host. Is this possible?

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by unreality

Interesting question. I'm curious, has a therapist said anything about this? I haven't but diagnosed with DID, yet, but your question reminded me of a close friend I had(past tense) recently. She shocked me by saying I'm a completely different person than last year and she asked me if I had a near death experience. Maybe I'm not the host? I can remember many times throughout my life where my personality changed. Maybe the host wanted to take a break. Life is getting so hard lately so I've been thinking about the possibility of checking out and letting one of my alters take over. I have a nice motherly figure alter who's in much better condition than I am who might become the host. Is this possible?

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

is it possible?....

just a bit of heads up a persons personality normally does change from year to year, day to day, month to month. on a normal standard a persons personality is made up of how they feel, what they do and their past experiences. for example a person may have just lost a relative so when someone last sees them their normal way they are is sad/grieving. during the time between that and the next time these people meet their grieving has past and they have had some new experiences happening so when the two people meet again to one person the other is going to seem different just because mentally and physically they are not grieving/sad any more. thats just one example of how people change their personality on a normal level every second/minute/hour/ day/ month/year....that why there is no diagnostic criteria for dissociative disorders stating the person must seem different to other people. seeming different to other people is just a fact of life and how humans normally are.

also near death experiences are physical not mental so are not considered part of dissociative disorders here in the USA. Im guessing this friend of yours was talking about something other than a dissociative disorder.

checking out and letting the alters take control...hate to be the bearer of bad news but switching into an alter isnt a choice for people with DID. its a reaction to being traumatically triggered by something. Then the alter in which handles that extreme trigger handles the problem..example if a person with DID is traumatically triggered by sex (high anxiety, panic attack, fear for their life type reaction to having sex) they will automatically switch into an alter or on other words dissociate to such an extreme that an alter takes over) and then the alter performs the sex. switching into alters is not something that is planned and done on a whim for people with DID. it just happens. if its not happening for you then that means you are ok, not triggered and able to handle what ever it is that you want to plan letting alters do. basically all that will happen when you try this letting go so an alter will take over is you wll be relaxed, calm, but still in complete control and aware. some people call this state of mind meditation when this happens.

can alters be in different condition than each other and the host yes in fact thats one of the diagnostics...having alters that are a special kind of alter. the diagnostics call it distinct.

[flockpride]

Considering the name on the birth certificate as host absolutely does not work for me. That name was given by mean people.

Originally Posted by amandalouise

is it possible?....

just a bit of heads up a persons personality normally does change from year to year, day to day, month to month. on a normal standard a persons personality is made up of how they feel, what they do and their past experiences. for example a person may have just lost a relative so when someone last sees them their normal way they are is sad/grieving. during the time between that and the next time these people meet their grieving has past and they have had some new experiences happening so when the two people meet again to one person the other is going to seem different just because mentally and physically they are not grieving/sad any more. thats just one example of how people change their personality on a normal level every second/minute/hour/ day/ month/year....that why there is no diagnostic criteria for dissociative disorders stating the person must seem different to other people. seeming different to other people is just a fact of life and how humans normally are.

also near death experiences are physical not mental so are not considered part of dissociative disorders here in the USA. Im guessing this friend of yours was talking about something other than a dissociative disorder.

checking out and letting the alters take control...hate to be the bearer of bad news but switching into an alter isnt a choice for people with DID. its a reaction to being traumatically triggered by something. Then the alter in which handles that extreme trigger handles the problem..example if a person with DID is traumatically triggered by sex (high anxiety, panic attack, fear for their life type reaction to having sex) they will automatically switch into an alter or on other words dissociate to such an extreme that an alter takes over) and then the alter performs the sex. switching into alters is not something that is planned and done on a whim for people with DID. it just happens. if its not happening for you then that means you are ok, not triggered and able to handle what ever it is that you want to plan letting alters do. basically all that will happen when you try this letting go so an alter will take over is you wll be relaxed, calm, but still in complete control and aware. some people call this state of mind meditation when this happens.

can alters be in different condition than each other and the host yes in fact thats one of the diagnostics...having alters that are a special kind of alter. the diagnostics call it distinct.

No. I was talking about when the host goes missings and someone takes the place as being a sudden major change in personality.

Who are you to dare say that if someone doesn't notice a "switch" then they're not in enough pain! There are 800,000 people mostly without DID who commit suicide every year. On many occasions I was on the brink of suicide.

[Claritytoo]

Originally Posted by amandalouise

is it possible?....

just a bit of heads up a persons personality normally does change from year to year, day to day, month to month. on a normal standard a persons personality is made up of how they feel, what they do and their past experiences. for example a person may have just lost a relative so when someone last sees them their normal way they are is sad/grieving. during the time between that and the next time these people meet their grieving has past and they have had some new experiences happening so when the two people meet again to one person the other is going to seem different just because mentally and physically they are not grieving/sad any more. thats just one example of how people change their personality on a normal level every second/minute/hour/ day/ month/year....that why there is no diagnostic criteria for dissociative disorders stating the person must seem different to other people. seeming different to other people is just a fact of life and how humans normally are.

also near death experiences are physical not mental so are not considered part of dissociative disorders here in the USA. Im guessing this friend of yours was talking about something other than a dissociative disorder.

checking out and letting the alters take control...hate to be the bearer of bad news but switching into an alter isnt a choice for people with DID. its a reaction to being traumatically triggered by something. Then the alter in which handles that extreme trigger handles the problem..example if a person with DID is traumatically triggered by sex (high anxiety, panic attack, fear for their life type reaction to having sex) they will automatically switch into an alter or on other words dissociate to such an extreme that an alter takes over) and then the alter performs the sex. switching into alters is not something that is planned and done on a whim for people with DID. it just happens. if its not happening for you then that means you are ok, not triggered and able to handle what ever it is that you want to plan letting alters do. basically all that will happen when you try this letting go so an alter will take over is you wll be relaxed, calm, but still in complete control and aware. some people call this state of mind meditation when this happens.

can alters be in different condition than each other and the host yes in fact thats one of the diagnostics...having alters that are a special kind of alter. the diagnostics call it distinct.

In order for us to go somewhere we switch to the driver. If we have to go food shopping we switch from the driver who takes us to the supermarket, to the one who is willing to shop for food. Most of us hate the supermarket because there are too many people and it is to chaotic. Eventually the one shops will go. But she doesn't drive. And if I come out of session and am unable to drive I call my sister, because the one who talks to my sister drives. This is how we function. We will switch from being triggered but we also switch in order to function in the world.

[flockpride]

Switching to function in the world? Totally. All the time.

[Claritytoo]

Originally Posted by flockpride

Switching to function in the world? Totally. All the time.

I think people who have a host can rely on that host to do things like drive and food shop. Without a host we all have to share the duties of living.

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by Claritytoo

I think people who have a host can rely on that host to do things like drive and food shop. Without a host we all have to share the duties of living.

no not always. dissociation is a reaction to a trigger. A trigger can be good or bad. its anything that causes a person to feel emotions that they are not able to handle. I bet if you take time to check in with the alters that dont do the driving/shopping what ever activity that another alter takes over and does you will most likely find that there is some sort of emotion packed reason behind it. maybe that trigger is they dont like crowds, or that activity causes them to stress out because they dont know how to do it and cant figure it out ...theres all kinds of reasons that triggers a person/alter to dissociate (in other words switches into their various alters)

the result of dissociating due to a trigger revolving around driving is an alter takes control and does that for the host.

example when I got triggered at work in other words unable to do something at work the alter who's job purpose reason for being was to work would take over and do that for me.

when I was unable to do the shopping an alter would take over doing the shopping.

I know many people who's host (body person) is so far buried with in the system that they do not seem to exist and the internal system of alters are unable to drive/ no one takes control and does this for them because none of the alters contain that activity. they never had to form an alternate personality for that job, purpose, reason for being because driving was never an issue or traumatic event that caused the system to dissociate.

example here in the city we have a city transportation system of bus's and taxi's. a person can live their whole life without having to drive. therefore there for some people driving isnt something that triggers them into dissociating into an alter, nor is driving a trigger that causes their alters to dissociate from one to another.

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by unreality

No. I was talking about when the host goes missings and someone takes the place as being a sudden major change in personality.

Who are you to dare say that if someone doesn't notice a "switch" then they're not in enough pain! There are 800,000 people mostly without DID who commit suicide every year. On many occasions I was on the brink of suicide.

Im sorry my post upset you. I wasnt saying if a person wasnt in enough pain they dont switch. my point was that here in the USA we have definative diagnostics of what is dissociation, dissociative disorders and alternate personalities. a person seeming to change personalities here in the USA can be completely normal for some people. for others its part of their depression or other mental or other physical health problems.

here in the USA we do not just assume someone has a personality disorder or a dissociative disorder based on their personality seeming to switch /change. if we did that every single american would be diagnosed with DID just based on their normal changing personality patterns.

if you reread my post you will see that I was just pointing out that it can be normal for people to have changing personalities based on their own life events. no where in my post did I say or imply if a person doesnt notice a switch they are not in pain.

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by Claritytoo

In order for us to go somewhere we switch to the driver. If we have to go food shopping we switch from the driver who takes us to the supermarket, to the one who is willing to shop for food. Most of us hate the supermarket because there are too many people and it is to chaotic. Eventually the one shops will go. But she doesn't drive. And if I come out of session and am unable to drive I call my sister, because the one who talks to my sister drives. This is how we function. We will switch from being triggered but we also switch in order to function in the world.

Yes I understand what you are saying. and you illustrated my point beautifully. if you reread your post you will see you used words that are trigger words....hate (a strong emotion) too many people (this is a trigger for many people) chaotic (again a word for some that denotes something that is negative/a trigger for some people) unable to drive (for some people unable to do something causes an emotion...sadness, frustration, panic, anxiety, )

suggestion next time right before you switch/dissociate to another do a quick check on how you/the body is feeling at that moment. you may find that even switching because of having to function/do that activity comes with a trigger resulting in the switching /dissociating from one to another. keep in mind triggers dont always have to be negative. sometime people are triggered by positive emotions/events too.

[Claritytoo]

Originally Posted by amandalouise

Yes I understand what you are saying. and you illustrated my point beautifully. if you reread your post you will see you used words that are trigger words....hate (a strong emotion) too many people (this is a trigger for many people) chaotic (again a word for some that denotes something that is negative/a trigger for some people) unable to drive (for some people unable to do something causes an emotion...sadness, frustration, panic, anxiety, )

suggestion next time right before you switch/dissociate to another do a quick check on how you/the body is feeling at that moment. you may find that even switching because of having to function/do that activity comes with a trigger resulting in the switching /dissociating from one to another. keep in mind triggers dont always have to be negative. sometime people are triggered by positive emotions/events too.

I am triggered by the sound of my dog licking it's paws. I switch to drive so we can get to places. Some of us can't make quick decisions and you need to do that while driving. "Triggered" for me is a negative experience where I am unable to function or am doing something that will hurt the body. Switching is how we are able to live in the world when we need to. I don't see switching as being the result of something negative. I do understand that our system is the result of trauma but not all switching is the result of feeling something negative. Sometimes it's just a way to get from one point to another.

[sabby]

I think it's important to realize that using the DSM code for diagnosis is one thing, but pigeon holing all DID'ers into specifics as to why one would dissociate is kind of unfair.

Everyone has their own experiences and their own reasons for having split themselves into different and distinct "alters" or "selves". While trauma is the main component and reason for some of these distinct selves, there are secondary reasons why some folks create other selves and like Clarity states, it was to function in the world around her. Someone has to drive, someone has to shop, someone has to work, someone has to cook and clean, etc. etc. The ability to switch to those who handle specific jobs the best doesn't necessarily have to be associated with a trigger at that specific time. It's about how best to cope to get things done that need doing.

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by sabby

I think it's important to realize that using the DSM code for diagnosis is one thing, but pigeon holing all DID'ers into specifics as to why one would dissociate is kind of unfair.

Everyone has their own experiences and their own reasons for having split themselves into different and distinct "alters" or "selves". While trauma is the main component and reason for some of these distinct selves, there are secondary reasons why some folks create other selves and like Clarity states, it was to function in the world around her. Someone has to drive, someone has to shop, someone has to work, someone has to cook and clean, etc. etc. The ability to switch to those who handle specific jobs the best doesn't necessarily have to be associated with a trigger at that specific time. It's about how best to cope to get things done that need doing.

Im wondering if we are using two different definitions of the same terms?

here in NY the definition of dissociation is ......a mental detachment from ones suroundings, events, awareness, switching from one state of mind to another...

examples of dissociation...feeling numb, spacy, detached, feeling like we are not all there, losing track of time, feeling like the environment or events are not quite in sinc with us, switching from host to alter, switching from alter to alter, switching from alter to host.....

here in NY the definition of a trigger is anything mental or physical that causes dissociation to happen....

examples of triggers......boredom, repetitive/habitual actions, strong emotions, events that we feel we are unable to handle/or do, stress, anxiety, life events....

when i am using the term ........trigger..... I mean there is something mental or physical that has caused the dissociation process to happen. I dont mean just something traumatic. I mean in the broader definition of the term that we use here where I live and work.

here where I live and work.... the needing to function is considered a trigger and resulting action of switching into the alter that has that job, purpose reason for being to complete that function is dissociation.

[Kiya]

Yes - we get this. Though, "I" am more often in front than the others... but mostly I feel like we're a revolving door. Each person and situation determines who will be in front.

Originally Posted by Claritytoo

I don't have a host. Who ever is out is the one people see. We are parts. We don't have any one part that we understand to be the central person. There is just a lot of us and some of us can be in the world. Others stay inside. Is there anyone here who know what I am talking about.

[D. girl]

I have a host and a dominant. We aren't much (just 6, for now..) but we are all different. My host is Hazel, she's the one who tells me the worries of the rest, keeps them in control (in case someone gets heated up) and keeps the dominant inside.
My therapist helped me understand each one of them and to learn how they talk/express, how they write and the way they express their words when writing..

Hazel post a comment in my introduction since coming in here was her idea