as this part of the forum does not have one..

how are you doing today?

long night of constant switching last night

not really any plans for today. but tonight we're having a roast dinner. (partly because i promised i would in another thread)

[kaliope]

didnt want to get up this morning as i threw myself totally off schedule by staying up late on my four days off. wanted to sleep in which i havent done for months even on weekends but didnt know what time i actually had to be at work. turns out i didnt have clients until 1 and that appt cancelled. so i am sitting here being bored all day...........

I'm tried to get things done, but it took all day to do so little.

I started using my iron skillet and been searing pork steaks! My kid loves my cooking the best. I've got heightened senses because of the bipolar so I better be a good cook. Weird thing is I'm a "natural" good cook. Of course we have a cook in here.

[Claritytoo]

I am trying to look for a part time job that is permanent but every time I find something that might work I panic. I start to think that I won't be able to go every day or on the days I am supposed to be there. I had a job for two decades but was laid off. Toward the end I barely was able to get there. It was a struggle every morning. It was mostly anxiety but also I just didn't want to have to be some where. I just didn't want the responsibility anymore. I have had jobs all my life and now I can't bring myself to apply because I can't guarantee that I will show up. I don't know what to make of it.

Originally Posted by Claritytoo

I am trying to look for a part time job that is permanent but every time I find something that might work I panic. I start to think that I won't be able to go every day or on the days I am supposed to be there. I had a job for two decades but was laid off. Toward the end I barely was able to get there. It was a struggle every morning. It was mostly anxiety but also I just didn't want to have to be some where. I just didn't want the responsibility anymore. I have had jobs all my life and now I can't bring myself to apply because I can't guarantee that I will show up. I don't know what to make of it.

Awww. All we can do is try. I've tried and tried but no one will hire me

Only way I can get work is to put an ad in the paper and take clients. This time of year it sux. The phone rings after Mardi Gras is over.

Originally Posted by AlwaysChanging2

I'm tried to get things done, but it took all day to do so little.

I started using my iron skillet and been searing pork steaks! My kid loves my cooking the best. I've got heightened senses because of the bipolar so I better be a good cook. Weird thing is I'm a "natural" good cook. Of course we have a cook in here.

how did you get on with cleaning the house

i know yesterday you said you were going to try and do it

[kaliope]

i am supposed to go watch fireworks tonight. last year i flipped out. discussed it with t last session and turned out it was an alter. we discussed ways to make the alter more comfortable this year. i have been freaking out since yesterday about going making up all kinds of excuses not to go. my alter has flat out let me know she does not want to go when i just journaled. (we are coconscious) i have so much anxiety about this. i want to respect her but then again, i don't want this anxiety running my life.

Originally Posted by kaliope

i am supposed to go watch fireworks tonight. last year i flipped out. discussed it with t last session and turned out it was an alter. we discussed ways to make the alter more comfortable this year. i have been freaking out since yesterday about going making up all kinds of excuses not to go. my alter has flat out let me know she does not want to go when i just journaled. (we are coconscious) i have so much anxiety about this. i want to respect her but then again, i don't want this anxiety running my life.

do the majority of you like watching the fireworks

perhaps get some of the others to tell you what they think too

it might help you more to decide

have a nice new year's eve what ever you guys do

[kaliope]

told my friend was too anxious to go then she offered to come pick me up. I live a half hour away. this made me feel ok, if we skipped dinner so we would not be gone from home for five hours. lucia does not like being away from home and around people. she is kind of the boss. we are deciding later tonight if we are going to follow thru.

Originally Posted by shattered sanity

how did you get on with cleaning the house

i know yesterday you said you were going to try and do it

I tried. Sometimes my head gets so crowded not much gets done :/

But oh well. There's always tomorrow.

[kaliope]

we didnt go.

had a nice enough new years eve. despite being alone, ordered in a chinese- then watched all the celebrations on TV.

no sleep again and today feeling depressed that everything is now back to normal. (not that it really ever changed for me), but the tv skedules etc have gone back to their regular programming and that says it all

but also relieved that i'm not going to get any emails from people saying happy new year!. it's hardly a happy new year when all i've had to show for my lif every year is depression, anxiety and mental pain.

so i suppose i'm a little happy too, if that makes sense

[kaliope]

im aggravated. i had to change my insurance and i havent got my new medical cards yet. i am due to get my meds tomorrow and have three appointments next week. i paid weeks ago. it said once you paid, your cards would be mailed. i had the account set up online when i registered for the plan so i went to the site to see if i could get my member number but now it will not let me in. it says i do not exist. even with the member id from the bill it seems my account has been wiped out. i verified with my credit card that it has been paid for so what gives? i cant call and talk to them till tomorrow.

1 of my alters is telling me they want to post a poem that she wrote.

but i really don't want her too.. not only because she's young but because the rest of us feel that it's not the right time- not all of us feel safe posting here

apart from that, no sleep, and another really difficult night.

Originally Posted by kaliope

we didnt go.

why didn't you go to the fireworks display?

fireworks are wonderful and so colourful

stephanie

[kaliope]

Because my little girl Lucia freaked out last year and she didn't want to go this year. She is afraid of bad people.because the abusers in my life she doesn't trust that I have good judgment of who I'd let around me. She is the reason I am agoraphobic . She hates leaving the house.she doesn't like me doing anything. We can go to paint class she enjoys that.we can go to work but we have to stay in my office. She doesn't even like going out to use the bathroom.we have a long way to go for her to feel safe.

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Originally Posted by kaliope

Because my little girl Lucia freaked out last year and she didn't want to go this year. She is afraid of bad people.because the abusers in my life she doesn't trust that I have good judgment of who I'd let around me. She is the reason I am agoraphobic . She hates leaving the house.she doesn't like me doing anything. We can go to paint class she enjoys that.we can go to work but we have to stay in my office. She doesn't even like going out to use the bathroom.we have a long way to go for her to feel safe.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

i hope you had a good new year's eve what ever you decided to do in sted

just another average day here. nothing to look forward too, nothing exciting

though i swear i'm going to have roast dinner today- i've said that for the last 2 weeks and i've ended up eating burgers

first because of the christmas depression and then the new year stuff

but now i'm going to try and get back to normal with my traditions (like eating roast dinners sunday)

hope you all have a nice day

[kaliope]

a roast dinner sounds fantastic. i hope you can do it. we are too lazy to cook. we did make two different pots of ham and bean soup with the left over ham from christmas but that was crock pot. so we have about 8 meals from that stored up. we eat microwave dinners. the healthy choice steamers seem to be our favorite ones. we live off them and greek yogurt.

Originally Posted by kaliope

a roast dinner sounds fantastic. i hope you can do it. we are too lazy to cook. we did make two different pots of ham and bean soup with the left over ham from christmas but that was crock pot. so we have about 8 meals from that stored up. we eat microwave dinners. the healthy choice steamers seem to be our favorite ones. we live off them and greek yogurt.

believe it or not i've never had greek yogurt

though i hear it's yummy..

and healthy

they show comercials for it here

1 of these days i swear i'm going to buy some

and yes, roast chicken this evening with mint sauce

yummy

[Bmee2]

so sorry to interrupt the flow. just wanted to say.....struggling to get anything done today.
Anxiety and the feeling that all my emotional nerves are exposed has me a bit all over the map.
Okay. that is out in the universe now. Laundry ... on my way.

Originally Posted by Bmee2

so sorry to interrupt the flow. just wanted to say.....struggling to get anything done today.
Anxiety and the feeling that all my emotional nerves are exposed has me a bit all over the map.
Okay. that is out in the universe now. Laundry ... on my way.

you didn't interupt anything.. your posts are just as important as any others

i'm sorry you are struggling.

try to take it easy if you've nothing essential that needs doing today

[kaliope]

I've laughed a lot today. It felt really nice

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[Bug17]

Getting anything done is hard. I make a list and forget stuff, takes too long to get ready to go somewhere, then I'm rushed and get overwhelmed. Usually I get some things done. Cleaning tends to drop off the list quite easily. I am in a PTSD group and have a hard time getting homework done....there's always stuff to do. I have to go to the library or get something to drink or food and sit and do it. Today it started getting noisy so I couldn't finish....couldn't think.

[Overwhelmed15]

Every thread I read remind me of me .....unbelievable how far we live....how different we are...but still we suffer the same way ....hope this is temporary pain and that we learn to deal with it so the intensity eases

apart from lack of sleep (as always), i guess i'm doing okay.

got a new book to read (can finally finish with the hunger games!), hurrah... i'm now reading the girl on the platform by josephine cox/ will you love me?. by cathy glass on audio book which i'm actually doing okay with. i was dreading reading it because 1 of my alters alicia may have been triggered by it, she has been out i think.. a friend of mine christopher did say he had someone ask about love and what it felt like