can't do it

Been asking weeks now for T to ask the person who has the report when I will get the results. She promised me that she would ask yesterday as everyone was going to be at the weekly team meeting (it was the first one for the year) but of course she forgot and I am still in the unsettling place of being in limbo and not knowing what is going on. She also said she would send a fax to my GP but nope that never happened either.

Don't get me wrong I am not upset she didn't do the above things I am upset that she felt she had to defend herself by listing all the reasons why she didn't. We just all needed/ wanted to know when she would now be able to do those things..

so my last txt to her last night was "all good doesn't matter enjoy the rest of your night it sounds like you deserve it"

I don't remember anything else but looking through my phone this morning ella was out and she was quite angry and mad. I think I may have taken more meds than I am meant to and we also cut

....no need to worry though cuz already have an appt with a GP this afternoon but he is going to be so mad *cries*

I just don't know how much longer I can keep going like this. Not having control. I can't do it anymore. I just can't do it.

Lozza, feeling sad and sorry hearing your story. Hope you find a way to at least stop SI. Hurting the body only makes the other areas that we confront worse.

It sounds very unprofessional of your T not to file the report. If it was me and I wasn't feeling good about the situation, I might explore other options. But don't do anything rash like quit because some areas have a longggggggggggg waiting list for T's for new patients. A therapist that is some good is better than no therapist.

You have a gp. What about a psych doc or psychiatrist? Many members of PC report having symptom relief after getting prescribed meds from a professional trained in the area of your symptoms.

You may want to explore some other forums.

Thanks for your reply.

See a psychiatrist but he is useless barely sees us at all and has no idea what to do really.. we are on meds but meds can only do so much.. also have BPD so therapy is the best I think in terms of feeling better in time? The only good thing about seeing this psychiatrist is that he bulk-bills us.. really don't have the money to pay to see one otherwise.

GP.. seeing well not a new one today but one we have seen in past but he at times makes things worse by asking about past abuse - we are not ready for that and T agrees.

The report we are waiting on is from the assessment that was done last year to confirm and have in writing all diagnosis'. It'is not that big a deal waiting longer still I guess but its just been a long wait already with the xmas/ new yr break and just need concrete answers on how best people can help us all if that makes sense?

I think T has been really all over the place lately cuz she is busy planning her trip next month.. its not exactly a holiday, more a training thing but I guess she will have free time too so has been busy working out how she will use that time?

The others keep coming out without me even knowing and I can't seem to stop them. And then something happens like taking too much meds or SH and now that we cut I can't even contact T cuz of the 24 hour rule (DBT rules)

Maybe a phone call from your GP to your T might help move things along. Things like this are stressful and not okay. They shouldn't be trying to justify why they didn't do their job. Yes they may be stressed etc.... but off loading on you is very unprofessional.

If this does become a pattern of behaviour that continues then maybe ask your GP for another referral.

Maybe let your T know that you hurt yourself because you were so stressed. They are being paid to do a job. Take care of yourself.

Thanks.

I don't know, this T has always been so good to me and I am scared, terrified of starting over and seeing someone else.. I'd rather be dead to be honest

I want to txt the student that did the assessment so see what the hold up is but it's Saturday now and I don't really want to bother her..

I was hoping my T would txt me to check in to see how we were going but she hasn't still - she usually does if she knows I am struggling or have dissociated badly like I did Thursday night after she told me she didn't do those things she had promised.

I don't know what to do anymore. I cried myself to sleep last night, huddled in a ball rocking.

I just don't think I can do this anymore.

It is the weekend now and there isnt anything you can do until Monday. Tell yourself that you can do something on Monday, but right now you can't do anything. It's okay.

I am glad to hear that your therapist isn't normally like this. Remind yourself of this fact. Tell the scared parts that you will fix this soon and it is going to be okay.