[TheFuZZieONE]

I've mentioned now that I hear voices, but mostly at night when I'm trying to sleep and/or falling asleep. Just this morning I fell back to sleep after dropping my son off at school this morning, but I needed to wake up to get ready for a doctor's appointment. I heard a distinct female voice in my head whisper, "You gotta get up Jen." Stuff like this has happened my whole life, and I always believed it was my guardian angels making sure I don't sleep in. One time I was dating a total loser, but he was lying to me and trying to get me to believe he wasn't a loser. He asked to borrow some money for a down payment on a trailer home, and I was unsure if I should give him the loan. Then I walked into the back yard to do something while he was in the house. Suddenly, I hear a voice inside my head as loud as the sun. It said:

"STOP!! LISTEN TO ME. THIS GUY'S LYING TO YOU. THE AUDACITY OF HIM TO ASK YOU FOR MONEY. YOU NEED TO BREAK UP WITH HIM AND CUT ALL TIES."

In all honesty the voice scared me. I came back inside and told the guy I wasn't giving him the money and we needed to break up. Him being a master manipulator got me to change my mind, and I lent him the money. Later I found out he was a con with warrants out for his arrest and I found the papers for the trailer he was trying to buy. He asked to borrow twice as much as he needed according to the paperwork. The voice was right. I always figured it was my guardian angel warning me. Or maybe just my subconscious mind. Now I'm wondering if it was an alter personality.

There are a few other stories like this one, but I don't want to bore anyone to tears. LOL. So let's talk about the first time I heard voices. I was about 12 years old and it was very close to a time I came to my mom and confessed that I couldn't recognize my own face. It was evening time and my mom was in the other room. I heard a voice say "what did you want to watch on TV tonight?" Then another voice, "What about Beverly Hills 90210?" I thought it was my mom talking and I said 90210 was fine to watch. MY mom came in the room puzzled and asked who I was talking to. I said I was talking to her, though I thought it was odd that the voices were INSIDE my head. She told me we were going to get my hearing checked, and that was that. We never got my hearing checked, and I haven't heard voices like that again until now, which is 20 years later. This is not counting the voices that come to protect me every once in a while. Those voices may very well be angelic.

I'm just thinking out loud. Someone made a comment about the voices that I hear, so I thought I'd write about them to make myself more clear. I am on a lot of heavy medications, and that's what also may be causing the voices to suddenly increase as well. I'm not overly concerned about the voices, but I know well enough not to share this with my psych team. The voices ma be DID related as well because I feel my DID has been steadily getting worse. There will be a climax soon and I'm scared of what that will actually entail. I'm afraid of ruining what's left of my life, and losing myself in the process. It scares me because I have a kid who relies on me for everything. I'm his sole source of support and I need to work in order to support him. I just can't afford to lose it just yet, so I keep fighting.

If it were angels guiding me my whole life, I really need them right now.

Love and Blessings,

Jen <3

Being co-conscience I'm aware of other alters. Most DID'ers don't hear voices because they are not aware of the other alters. That usually comes out later in therapy. I have one renegade alter that screwed my life up over and over. I'd make a good logical decision about something like saying "no that's so not me", a voice would come out of no where saying "DO IT! NOBODY WILL EVER KNOW!" I always thought that was my naughty side coming out not crediting it as an alter. And of course, it's a last minute decision and when I listened to it, it never went well.

I always thought my voices was my thinking process. I was so proud that I was able to look at a problem from every point of view and angle, then take a vote on a final decision. I thought this was normal. It made me look smart.

I fought myself for years and now I'm in full acceptance and rolling with it. When it's time to work I have an alt for that. He's smart. I'm just the homebody that loves these online forums! Lol

[TheFuZZieONE]

Originally Posted by AlwaysChanging2

Being co-conscience I'm aware of other alters. Most DID'ers don't hear voices because they are not aware of the other alters. That usually comes out later in therapy. I have one renegade alter that screwed my life up over and over. I'd make a good logical decision about something like saying "no that's so not me", a voice would come out of no where saying "DO IT! NOBODY WILL EVER KNOW!" I always thought that was my naughty side coming out not crediting it as an alter. And of course, it's a last minute decision and when I listened to it, it never went well.

I always thought my voices was my thinking process. I was so proud that I was able to look at a problem from every point of view and angle, then take a vote on a final decision. I thought this was normal. It made me look smart.

I fought myself for years and now I'm in full acceptance and rolling with it. When it's time to work I have an alt for that. He's smart. I'm just the homebody that loves these online forums! Lol

Hi Alwayschanging2,

I've known about my DID for about a year now, and have been in therapy for about a year as well. On top of therapy I'm doing a lot of my own research. Maybe that's why the voices are getting stronger? Or it could just be the meds I'm on. I went 20 years without hearing voices, except to protect me every once in a while. One voice woke me up from a deep sleep to tell my a boyfriend of mine was really married. Turns out the voice was right!!

So there are a few theories of the voices. They could be DID related and getting stronger due to my obsessive research on the subject. They could also be due to the meavy dose of meds I'm on too. They could be angels/sprit guides since they seem to have unforseen knowledge. Or I could just be bat-***** crazy!!! Lol.

I've been very stressed lately, and that can be aggravating and underlining medical condition. I envy the way your personalities can work together. Its neat that you have a work personality. If integration is not possible, your strategy seems to work out just as well. I'm hoping for the ability to get my inner sociopath to comply and work with me, rather than against me.

As always, thank you for the response! :-)

I was a small one when I heard a voice, and they have grown since then. I was already not myself as far as I can tell by the time I was 8. It was me because that memory is crystal clear. We were all abused, each and every alter so we've decide to work together. I went through a serious identity crsis when I was a teenager. I didn't know who I was.

Every alter has a job to do, a function, a skill, coping mechanism, plus the additional 5 states of an ultra rapid cycling bipolar, I'm AlwaysChanging. It's seamless switching.

Ya, I question my sanity often too.