[TheFuZZieONE]

Well, I showed up to my 10:45am therapy appointment to find my therapist called in sick today. This filled me with an overwhelming feeling of grief. All week I was preparing what I was going to tell my therapist, and was anticipating the emotional release. It was such an awful feeling. This occurance also brought to my attention that I'm all alone. I have no one to talk to about my problems. All I can do is suck it up and drive on.

I'm 32 years old and find all my childhood friends are gone. They faded out of my life slowly over the years, and the ones I do have barely have time for me. It always seems like they're too busy for me, so I leave them alone. As for a boyfriend, we broke up in January and even though I don't miss him, it sucks not having anyone to talk to. I was in a terrible accident last July which almost killed me. Thankfully I survived, but my body is ugly and full of scars now. Top that with my mental illness and I don't think any boys will be knocking down my door anytime soon.

I'm a single parent who makes decent money, but its so hard to pay for rent AND childcare on my own, so I live with my mom and step dad. Though I love each of them in their own special way, living with them is killing me. I have the money to move out tomorrow, but I'm saving that money for a down payment for a condo/townhouse and don't want to waste it moving out hastily to an apartment.

The constant criticism from my step dad is a heavy source of anxiety for me. Not only that, but I think that's where my DID stemmed from. They used to sit me down as a child and yell at me for 5-6 hours straight, and to deal with these "counseling sessions" I retreated in my mind. One thing my step dad told me that still sticks with me today is that "I'm the most selfish person in THE WORLD." I don't agree with that statement and he still justifies saying that to this day. The worst part now is I have a child and he constantly criticises my parenting.

When my step dad makes comments to me that I know nothing about raising a child I want to punch him in the face. I want to take my child with me somewhere and never look back. Once he told me I was raising my son to be a "fagot" right in front of him. He calls his hair cuts dorky and criticizing how I do his hair as well as everything else we do. He was going easy on me after the accident, but he is slowly returning to his old ways. I feel I can never relax because its not my home and I don't deserve to relax.

I'm not sure what I hoped to get from writing all this. I just feel so alone and needed to vent to someone. I feel silly for writing all this on here since it barely has to do with DID. I guess I just needed to vent since I have no one to talk to about these things. Only professionals will talk to me and that's because I pay them.

[Gr3tta]

Im glad you vented here. Keep up your plan to get a nice place free of your parents.

[TheFuZZieONE]

Thank you for the response Gr3tta, it breaks my heart that even though I can see multiple people have read this thread, you're the only one to respond. It just proves I'm even alone on the internet. Lol. That takes talent I guess. This is a real difficult time in my life. I go to an average of 5 doctors appointments a week due to my extensive injuries and am delving head first into learning and treating my DID alone. I know I'll get through this, but it would be so much easier with support. I haven't told anyone but professionals and my ex boyfriend about my DID and am figuring it all out on my own. Right now I'm seeing two therapists, a psychiatrist and spiritual counselor, and I seem to know more about DID than all of them put together.

Anyway, I'd like to say thank you for taking the time out of your life to respond to my plight. I hope the universe blesses you for your kindness.

Jen

I feel for you hun, it's always darkest in our eyes concerning the future. Love has no eyes. As far as your dad goes sis, me and him would not be getting along. There are so many programs out ther like section 8 housing, WIC, Medicaid, food stamps, utility help, food pantries in churches, that actually caters to a woman with child in need.

Here I sit, my partner and I seperating because of "irreconcilable differences". My spouse pays for all the utilities while I manage to get the rent, kinda split in the middle. My spouse is going to be gone, and I'm wondering how am I going to pay for it all. It's this thing called life we get to deal with in our own special way.

You can always vent here, I do and really don't expect or demand a response. It just feels good throwing it out into cyber space. I'm sorry your therapist called in. It sux, but what can you do? Hang in there sweety. Gods got a plan even if we don't.

[TheFuZZieONE]

Thank you Alwayschanging2, and sorry if it seems like I'm "demanding a response." I hope I'm not coming across like that. I just find it amazing that in a world of 7 billion people, I don't fit in. I don't have anyone to confide in, and no one really cares about me. The last thing I want is for anyone to feel they must pay attention to me, because the truth is that they don't need to. I'm not special or better than anyone, and only want responses from people who care to respond, which sadly isn't many. Lol. You're the first person to take me under their wing in this forum, and I'd hate to turn you away for coming across too needy/demanding. It does seem unfair how some people get all the love and attention they could want, while others like me are so alone. I'll try not to come across so demanding in the future.

Oh nooo. I'm sorry sweety! Don't let my issues be yours! No demanding response from you! I ususally tag my gripes as "no replies necessary!" When im just *****in. Lol

Nothing against you pleeeease!

It's about me, not you hun. Our live sux, but we are not to censor each other. Please feel free to express yourself. I do.

[Fuzzybear]