[MusicMike]

I have internal splitting due to early trauma, but I have never thought of myself as DID nor have I received that diagnosis. I have a stable ego (conscious) self and don't have amnesia. But I can dialogue with my parts. I can ask a question and sense part of me answering, and I have gotten to know many parts clearly.

Here's my struggle. I have always wanted to be a composer of classical music since being a child. I heard music in my imagination as a child, but I could never stabilize my attention on it long enough to write it down. Then later I lost the music in my imagination. I can't hear music any more in my imagination, not even just remembering music I've heard before. I have actually done a lot of study of music now and I can compose with the help of a piano or computer (to help me hear the sound) but it's not very fun compared to using my imagination (and not very good either). Every once in a while I get a little hint of music, or dream that I'm hearing music.

What I wonder is whether the function of imagining sound split off into a sub-part. Maybe someday I can get it back if I reunite my psyche. Has anyone had any experience like that?

I have others that are more right brain and others that are more left brain. Trebor is a heavy metal guitarist and comes out when we pick up an electric guitar or Metal is being played on the stereo. He's been playing for 20 years. He hasn't been out much since Trasher came out and threw everything away. He's pissed.

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by mike1127

I have internal splitting due to early trauma, but I have never thought of myself as DID nor have I received that diagnosis. I have a stable ego (conscious) self and don't have amnesia. But I can dialogue with my parts. I can ask a question and sense part of me answering, and I have gotten to know many parts clearly.

Here's my struggle. I have always wanted to be a composer of classical music since being a child. I heard music in my imagination as a child, but I could never stabilize my attention on it long enough to write it down. Then later I lost the music in my imagination. I can't hear music any more in my imagination, not even just remembering music I've heard before. I have actually done a lot of study of music now and I can compose with the help of a piano or computer (to help me hear the sound) but it's not very fun compared to using my imagination (and not very good either). Every once in a while I get a little hint of music, or dream that I'm hearing music.

What I wonder is whether the function of imagining sound split off into a sub-part. Maybe someday I can get it back if I reunite my psyche. Has anyone had any experience like that?

here in my location if someone imagines something it does not split off into other parts of self, ....Unless that person purposely imagines that thing is split off into a sub part in essence an imaginary friend. Which is different than having a dissociative problem, (in order for something to be called a dissociative problem, the problem can not be an imaginary one, or better explained by other mental problems like hallucinations, delusions, psychosis, medication.....)

in general the way imagination works is all you need to do to gain back something you have imagined away is to imagine it back, Im guessing for some reason you and your brain really doesnt want that sound back....(fear, medication, not really wanting the sound back...in general there are many reasons why someone would have trouble imagining something)

my suggestion is contact your treatment providers, maybe the solution is as simple as changing your medications. some anti depressants/anti psychotics are specially formulated so that things like hallucinations, delusions (which sometimes can be because of someone imagining things that are not real) dont happen.

[MusicMike]

Thanks, yes I do take risperidone which could impact it, but actually I lost the musical imagination long before I started any psych meds. I'm not sure what you mean by an "imaginary" problem. Are you saying the DSM-5 says that "imagined" alters that come through hallucination or wishful imagination are not a criteria for DID?

I'll just say that I am 100% sure I have split-off parts that are their own personalities, but I'm not DID because I have a stable ego self. (Stable sense of conscious self.)

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by mike1127

Thanks, yes I do take risperidone which could impact it, but actually I lost the musical imagination long before I started any psych meds. I'm not sure what you mean by an "imaginary" problem. Are you saying the DSM-5 says that "imagined" alters that come through hallucination or wishful imagination are not a criteria for DID?

I'll just say that I am 100% sure I have split-off parts that are their own personalities, but I'm not DID because I have a stable ego self. (Stable sense of conscious self.)

yes the diagnostics for DID state the alters can ......not...... be because of imaginary (my location also uses the terms fantasy, made up, playing pretend for this) friends or fantasy play. even if the alters have their own personality\way of being, if they are created due to fantasy\imagination DID diagnosis is ruled out.

DID type alters are not imagined into being, and what they can and cant do is not imagined into being, nor can they or what they do be imagined out of being.

maybe looking at your post will help to clarify what I posted......your post states

I heard music in my imagination as a child, but I could never stabilize my attention on it long enough to write it down. Then later I lost the music in my imagination. I can't hear music any more in my imagination, not even just remembering music I've heard before. I have actually done a lot of study of music now and I can compose with the help of a piano or computer (to help me hear the sound) but it's not very fun compared to using my imagination (and not very good either). Every once in a while I get a little hint of music, or dream that I'm hearing music.

and your post also states....
What I wonder is whether the function of imagining sound split off into a sub-part.

do you see the parts of your post where it says the words ...imagination, and imagining.....

well...if going according to the DSM 5 and my location what you posted would ....not ....be dissociative or DID type problem and would disqualify the diagnosis of DID because you associate these split of parts and the sound you heard and want back as imagination, imaginary.

if I had this same problem my treatment providers would call this split off part and the sound I imagined to be an auditory hallucination, not a dissociative type alter.

to find out what this is with in you, you will need to contact your (or a) treatment provider in your off computer location

[-jimi-]

I'm not sure this is the same thing but I was an artist until one day I was unable to do art. I have no idea how that happened, I just lost the ability. Also I lost all emotional memory from one of my cat's life, one I only had 3 years. I really have no idea where that stuff goes if it is deleted forever or just not accessible.

[MusicMike]

Originally Posted by -jimi-

I'm not sure this is the same thing but I was an artist until one day I was unable to do art. I have no idea how that happened, I just lost the ability. Also I lost all emotional memory from one of my cat's life, one I only had 3 years. I really have no idea where that stuff goes if it is deleted forever or just not accessible.

That's a sad story, jimi.

As an aside, nice to see the rat avatar! The little guy in mine lived from 2005 to 2007 and was named Nodin.

[-jimi-]

I've had many in my life but a few were closer to me than others. They are cool animals and some are big personalities.

I don't know. I've never experienced a "split" disappear. We all work on life triggers. True I have alters of alters, but they don't like just go away. Some go dormant when they don't fit the present life scenario, but they are triggered out later. Not everyone's the same.

[MusicMike]

amandalouise, you are not addressing my original question. It sounds like you are reacting to seeing the words "imagination" and "DID" in the same post.

I'm not imagining having split-off personalities. Also, when I COULD imagine music I didn't take that to be evidence for having an alter.

Imagination of music is creative imagination, the kind any musician or artist or poet would use. It's closely related to what you do when you read a novel.

I don't have good awareness of ALL my split-off personalities... I know there are many thoughts that I can sense only subliminally. Also all internal sound is muted. Other times I'm clearly aware of a personality. I'm getting more clearly aware over time as I progress in therapy.

So my original question is whether an alter can possess the function of creative imagination. Whether anyone has had that experience.

It sounds like some people don't lose the memories and feelings and capabilities of their split-off parts. And perhaps jimi did have something like that happen when she describes being unable to do art suddenly.

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by mike1127

amandalouise, you are not addressing my original question. It sounds like you are reacting to seeing the words "imagination" and "DID" in the same post.

I'm not imagining having split-off personalities. Also, when I COULD imagine music I didn't take that to be evidence for having an alter.

Imagination of music is creative imagination, the kind any musician or artist or poet would use. It's closely related to what you do when you read a novel.

I don't have good awareness of ALL my split-off personalities... I know there are many thoughts that I can sense only subliminally. Also all internal sound is muted. Other times I'm clearly aware of a personality. I'm getting more clearly aware over time as I progress in therapy.

So my original question is whether an alter can possess the function of creative imagination. Whether anyone has had that experience.

It sounds like some people don't lose the memories and feelings and capabilities of their split-off parts. And perhaps jimi did have something like that happen when she describes being unable to do art suddenly.

my post was answering your question of....."Are you saying the DSM-5 says that "imagined" alters that come through hallucination or wishful imagination are not a criteria for DID? "

the answer was yes the DSM 5 states the alters can not be because of imaginary friends or fantasy play.

my posts were also answering your question of ....."What I wonder is whether the function of imagining sound split off into a sub-part. "

here in my location the term sub part means alters/alternate personalities. which is why I answered the way I did. your question the way you worded it was not asking whether an alter can possess the the function. your question was asking whether imagining sound can split off into a sub part (my locations term alter)

now that I know what you mean....you want to know whether alters can have the ability to imagine sound...sure they can, DID/dissociative type alters have their own way of being, their own job, purpose reason for being...some alters are created to contain emotions, others events, or what ever other reasons they have been created for.

[MusicMike]

Thanks. Also what I'm asking is whether a particular kind of creative imagination can be possessed by the alter but lost to the ego or other alters?

In other words, I'm trying to figure out why I could imagine sound as a kid but I lost it, and I'm trying to figure out if I can ever get it back.

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by mike1127

Thanks. Also what I'm asking is whether a particular kind of creative imagination can be possessed by the alter but lost to the ego or other alters?

In other words, I'm trying to figure out why I could imagine sound as a kid but I lost it, and I'm trying to figure out if I can ever get it back.

yes each alter has their own way of being, their own jobs,purposes reasons for being that is not shared by the others.

the sharing of abilities\memories/emotions between alters or between the alters and the body birth person is called co consciousness.

what and how much can be shared depends upon each alters co consciousness abilities...when one alter can do what another can not that says those two alters are not co conscious for that thing they do not share.

example one of my alters could sing and imagine singing on a stage, another alter could not because it wasnt their job, purpose, reason for being and they had no co consciousness abilities to share singing and imagining singing with the one that could.

[-jimi-]

I don't have alters, not DID (and I WILL say this part of the forum is for ANY type of dissociative disorder, it is NOT an exclusive club for people with diagnosed DID), but I know I just have access to certain parts of my mind. In a way it is normal, in a way not.

I don't possess any real picture imagining skills (and did not when I was into art either), which means when I close my eyes and imagine, I only see a rudimentary image of the world. I don't see it in all colors, not in details, just in very broad strokes so to speak. More like a 3D map really.

I came down with a serious flu once and had an extreme fever for over a week. That brought me the ability of closing my eyes and see views in perfect detail. Vividly, in color, in detail. I could zoom in at a flower petal and look at it. I have no idea how that was even possible for me. As I was cured, the ability of course went away.

But the mind is a weird thing, that is for sure.

[-jimi-]

Originally Posted by mike1127

In other words, I'm trying to figure out why I could imagine sound as a kid but I lost it, and I'm trying to figure out if I can ever get it back.

I hope that is possible. It does hide somewhere. I'm not sure how to tap into it though. Even without a true understanding of alters (although one of my RL friends was dissociative), I do believe, depending on how fragmentation looks inside, it might even be possible in some cases for something an alter holds, to bleed over to other parts. I think things can be trapped/released from both fragmented and "normal" minds.

[finding_my_way]

i used to be able to write poetry. things would just randomly come into my head that were so perfect, and i would have to write them down right away or they'd get lost forever. i never knew really what caused that because it literally took no effort to write. any time i did try to make myself write, it never happened. i think that would be about the only thing that came to me from dissociation since years ago it was an ongoing issue pretty much 24/7.

and now years later since i am dissociating a lot less than during those years, i lost the ability to write. things stopped coming out, and my head is mostly quiet compared to then as well..so i think there definitely was a link, but it wasn't anything i sought out to learn/access because i also thought i had zero creative ability/talent..and writing isn't necessarily something 'amazing' compared other things...although i do miss writing and having that ability because i don't have positive coping skills anymore when difficult times happen and feel like at least that would allow things to come out in a constructive way instead of lock things in.

[MusicMike]

Originally Posted by finding_my_way

i used to be able to write poetry. things would just randomly come into my head that were so perfect, and i would have to write them down right away or they'd get lost forever. i never knew really what caused that because it literally took no effort to write. any time i did try to make myself write, it never happened. i think that would be about the only thing that came to me from dissociation since years ago it was an ongoing issue pretty much 24/7.

and now years later since i am dissociating a lot less than during those years, i lost the ability to write. things stopped coming out, and my head is mostly quiet compared to then as well..so i think there definitely was a link, but it wasn't anything i sought out to learn/access because i also thought i had zero creative ability/talent..and writing isn't necessarily something 'amazing' compared other things...although i do miss writing and having that ability because i don't have positive coping skills anymore when difficult times happen and feel like at least that would allow things to come out in a constructive way instead of lock things in.

Yes, this is similar to the distress I have over losing my musical imagination. You have my compassion.