[HD7970GHZ]

Hi fellow littles!

I am new to this section of the forum and until recently - never knew it existed! I am very happy to have found this section and look forward to learning and sharing more.

Anyways, I am in DBT currently. I have diagnosis of Borderline PD, Avoidant PD with traits of Dependent PD and potentially complex PTSD.

I have always had an interest in diapers and in being nurtured. I only recently brought this up in therapy and my last session I showed up wearing diapers under my clothes and asked for a blanket. I covered myself up in the blanket and snuggled myself - protecting myself from the world... I have been doing this for years in private, this was the first time I did it in front of someone else... I was showing a side of myself for the first time and to tell you the truth - I enjoyed it despite having trust issues with my therapist... I have admitted that I want someone to hold me and comfort me and tell me that I am safe. I want someone to protect me from the scary world and I want someone to hug me badly... It's a physical pain that I have had for years...

Anyways - my therapist referred to this side of me as a little.

I admitted that I have this subconscious desire to find a mommy and that it comes out in every relationship I make whether I like it or not... Sometimes my voice will change and women will get a weird vibe from me and talk down to me like I am a child... It frustrates me because - (I honestly DO feel like a child in an adults body) - but sometimes I make an effort to be an adult and that is when I most exude the persona of a child... It's really quite strange but it's been like this for years.

Anyways - I like regressing. I like wearing diapers and I like to cuddle blankets and pillows for comfort. I have asked my therapists for hugs and have been denied most times... It hurts because of my attachment issues. I also like being a child and I don't want to grow up... I hate the idea of having responsibilities and I just want to remain small and innocent. My therapist asked for me to do a pros and cons for growing up - and she also asked me to refer to my little as a 3 years old (because I couldn't definitively say what age he was when asked) and she wants me to write out needs, wants and desires of my little... She also said she wants to help me to co-parent the little - and for me to learn how to parent the little in order to have him grow. The idea being that I can learn to let go of using diapers as a way of self-soothing and move onto something more age appropriate like a blanket - then hopefully I can begin to feel less conflicted between wanting independence and not...

I was wondering if you guys and gals believe this sounds like a little inside of me? There is a lot more to this that I am learning - but I know I relate to a lot of what is written about littles.

I consider myself a Diaper Lover / Little, with some Adult Baby desires. I like the idea of being pampered and nurtured by a mommy - something my therapist mentioned and asked if I liked...

Thanks,
HD

[Crazy Hitch]

I care about you HD

And I enjoy getting to know you more on the BPD Forum where you and I hang out

Glad you've introduced yourself here. I hope Members here have the privilige to know the awesome person that I have come to know that you are.

Keep going strong.

Welcome HD to the other side of PC!

We too are influenced by our other-selves. It's good that you are working with a T, and she would know best.

We have littles, but they stay hidden. Bobby, he's very young while Timmy likes to draw.

Does your little have a name?

Hope to hear more!

[HD7970GHZ]

Thank you Hooligan! I miss you.

AlwaysChanging2: Thanks for the reply as well. I appreciate it.

I am new to working on identifying the little parts of myself. I wish I could tell you their names or what age or gender they are - but I don't yet feel I can do that. My therapist asked me to work on those very things over the weekend and I am afraid I have really come up empty handed... I think she's going to need to draw our these little parts in session and maybe then I can make more sense of these matters.

Perhaps I am totally wrong in thinking I am similar to you or anyone else in the garden section of the forums, but I know I feel like a child inside an adults body. Do you feel that way? Do you have adult parts?

May I ask why your littles stay hidden? Is it because it is unsafe?

Please share more if you feel safe to do so. Otherwise - I completely understand privacy and boundaries.

Thanks,
HD

Originally Posted by HD7970GHZ

Thank you Hooligan! I miss you.

AlwaysChanging2: Thanks for the reply as well. I appreciate it.

I am new to working on identifying the little parts of myself. I wish I could tell you their names or what age or gender they are - but I don't yet feel I can do that. My therapist asked me to work on those very things over the weekend and I am afraid I have really come up empty handed... I think she's going to need to draw our these little parts in session and maybe then I can make more sense of these matters.

Perhaps I am totally wrong in thinking I am similar to you or anyone else in the garden section of the forums, but I know I feel like a child inside an adults body. Do you feel that way? Do you have adult parts?

May I ask why your littles stay hidden? Is it because it is unsafe?

Please share more if you feel safe to do so. Otherwise - I completely understand privacy and boundaries.

Thanks,
HD

We have all ages and genders. The littles come out now and then, but the adults pretty much run things. If a cartoon comes on television though, they're mesmerized and we blindly watch.

[amandalouise]

question...has your therapist talked with you about fetishes....reason i ask is you asked if we think this is a little inside you. since you are in the dissociative boards Im guessing you want to know if this is an alter (in other words a dissociated part of you)

well we cant diagnose that only your treatment providers can do that but I can tell you what you posted would be called in my location....

here in my location when an adult wishes, desires and wears diapers for self nurturing (or other reasons that go beyond taking care of an incontinence problem) is diagnosed with a fetish.

here in my location there is a difference between fetishes and switching into alters and being co conscious with alters that wear diapers.

the first difference here in my location is how its diagnosed. if the person is not diagnosed with DID or OSDD (diagnostic criteria americans go by is in my signature line) here in my location then the desire\wish to wear diapers for self nurturing is usually addressed as a fetish. (fetishes here have two categories..non sexual and sexual)

the second difference in my location is how the person who has this desire\wish to wear diapers.. perceives this action...do they talk in terms of an alters desire\wish or do they perceive it as their own desire\wish...

example one of my fetishes ..desires\wishes\ when I want to self nurture is wearing child like pajamas...they are soft, warm, comfortable. I always perceived and talked about this from the first person point of view (I want, I desire, I need a new sleeper, I want a pink sleeper this time)

example of switching into an alter or being co conscious with an alter who wears "sleepers"...(co conscious)Rainy wants to wear her pink sleeper, rainy is feeling sad, do you know where her sleeper is,I can feel rainy, she feels emotional right now, she wants her green sleeper, Rainy needs a new sleeper can you pick up a pink one, during the times I was not co consciousness I would become aware and see that Rainys Pj's were in the wash but not know how they got there or when or even feeling rainys needing them...

another example of a normal part of self\fetish vs having a dissociative part here in my location is other accompanying symptoms. theres more to having dissociative parts then just wanting and desiring something like wearing diapers...treatment providers here look at whether the part is functioning just like a separate person/identity in all areas of life...using my Rainy as an example when I switched into rainy not only did rainy wear "sleepers" but the body posture, was that of a child. the voice was that of a child, the thought patterns was that of a child, the switching happened not only when I was home or alone, it would happen at any time in my life and anywhere in my life. having a dissociative part with DID affects all areas of a persons life, not just their private time.

maybe you can talk with your treatment provider and have her clarify whether this is a normal child with in /fetish part of you or dissociative type switching. the reason I suggest this is because the treatment is different if this part of you is a normal part of you of having a fetish vs having a dissociative part who needs to wear diapers. if you were in my location how your treatment provider is treating this is the same way that my treatment provider deals with my fetishes. when it was an alter\dissociative type mood switch my treatment provider had me and the alter doing trauma therapy (delving into the trauma that created this part, delving into the triggers that caused me to switch into that dissociative part, learning grounding and other tools that help prevent dissociation and promote mindfulness\remaining in the present moment rather than the past\altered state of mind/learning how to express appropriate emotions and lots of other things that come with treatment for dissociative problems.)

Im sorry we cant diagnose whether this is a dissociative part or not with in you.

Like Amanda says, my alters presents, but they talk in first person, or in reference to everyone, "we, us".

Whoever is up front, it's their body for when they are out-they are out to do their thing in life. Like the Carpenter went to work this morning for several hours. Since we came home, I, Susie, is now present as the homebody, I get to relax, gab online, and smile at everyone. Sarah comes out to cook dinner, then Bobbie might want to play and do nails later. Of course, Steve and Steven has been a hardazz of late. They've been taking over and trying to declare that we're delusional just to shut us down. They are pisssing me/us off.