Is this dissociation?

I'm wondering if what I'm experiencing is dissociation? The last couple therapy sessions have been really intense and have involved bringing up a lot of painful childhood things. During the sessions I have been really upset(sobbing, not really focusing or able to focus or concentrate or follow a conversation very well.) After the session once I have time to calm down and regroup myself I try to review the session, but it really can't remember it. I can recall the beginning and end of the sessions where we are talking about non difficult stuff but the part where I was very upset are pretty blank. This has also happened in the past when I've been super depressed, I would just space out while having conversations and then after while I'd realize I had no idea what I was just talking about.

I'm just wondering if people can help me understand what's going on, cause I kind of feel like I'm losing it.

Im sorry but we cant tell you whether you dissociated or not, only your treatment providers can tell you that.

what I can tell you is that if this was me and my therapist and in my location, no it would not be dissociation. here in my location (new york) dissociation is feeling numb, spaced out, disconnected (in other words not crying, not feeling any emotions,...)

an example of dissociating during a therapy session would be things like when talking about hard, triggering things spacing off, numbing and talking as is the triggering thing doesnt really affect a person..many survivors of abuse can sit there during their sessions and talk about the abuses they went through as if they were discussing what they ate for dinner last night or a good book they just got done reading. they have dissociated their self from the event. then after the session having no memory of discussing something triggering because during the discussion the person was numbed, spaced out/foggy minded /not feeling what was being talked about.

sometimes therapy has what my treatment provider and location calls a ....side effect....for me where it takes time for my brain to calm down and process (think about, remember what was discussed, plan of action around what was discussed..) just because so many things are involved.

the brain is an amazing thing. for some people it reacts like this where it gives you little bits of information at a time, other times it floods a person.

my suggestion is talk with your treatment provider. they can tell you whether or not for you this was dissociation and can adjust your sessions, come up with a treatment plan that takes into consideration any side effects you may have from treatment so that what ever this is for you doesnt happen to you again.

Sometimes memory loss can be a coping mechanism for some people I believe. Do you talk to people in your head or do people tell you that maybe you dress differently or talk differently and you cant remember? I would still consult a doctor just to make sure.

There is dissociation. There is also something people don't talk much about too, about memory. Memories can be strongly linked to places and emotions. Almost like you instantly forget a dream you had, even if you just woke up from it, you can almost reach it but it's oddly gone, you think hard, it is still gone. The next night you are almost falling asleep, and suddenly! you remember the dream!

Daytime memory can be like that too, especially when you're going through hard times. You might remember the last convo if you go back to the same room and sit in the same chair. Or you might remember it if you happen to be in the same mood. Memory is really a strange thing.

But yes, could be dissociation too, hiding from the pain.

If it were a part coming through crying and sharing the hard things that you later do not remember, it could be dissociation or a result of earlier dissociation.

The part i'm not remembering is the actual discussion we're having in the session. When I start talking about this stuff I kind of zone out while crying. I know I'm still talking to her, but I don't know or remember what I'm saying. Dealing with this past stuff is all very new to me, so I'm going to ask her about this next week at our session.

Sounds like dissociating to me. Have you told your therapist about this and asked her assessment?

I told her in an email and she said we can talk about it next week when I see her, so hopefully we can work on it. It makes it hard to process stuff when you can't remember what you talked about.

I know the feeling!

Dissociation is employed by just about everyone at times. It is a coping mechanism that is employed by a person especially at high stress times that protects the mind from being overwhelmed.

A "healthy" person does it too though but on a lesser scale. You've heard people say and you probably have too -- that they've gone from one room to another and forgotten why they went there. It's a milder form of it than you're experiencing for sure.

If a person has a history of abuse in childhood, it was a survival tool and was a "healthy" way to handle situations. But when it continues to be relied upon into adulthood, it becomes a big problem and needs to be handled properly and with a professional. You say it occurs when you are talking about childhood memories. Is the counselor aware of your childhood and that you are experiencing these episodes? It is important to know whether the counselor understands abusive history and its affects. If this counselor isn't knowledgeable or experienced in dealing with abuse "victims", I'd recommend finding a counselor for just you, who is experienced to help you with this. These kinds of discussions should be avoided in couples therapy until you and your partner are informed and understand all this.